Barn Scenario- To stay or go

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Barn Scenario- To stay or go

This is a discussion on Barn Scenario- To stay or go within the Barn Maintenance forums, part of the Barns, Boarding, and Farms category

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    01-25-2011, 11:24 PM
Barn Scenario- To stay or go

Hypothetical Scenario ( ;) )

You've been going to the same barn in NC for years. You love most of the boarders there, and have a lot of fun riding with everyone. You lease a horse which means everything to you- you love him to death. You've found your "horsie match", so to speak.

However, your trainer verges on being verbally abusive, makes you feel like a waste of space, and basically an all around screw-up. You do so much for her, feed and water her horse, etc. Belittling comments are constantly directed at you, and you highly dislike having lessons/ even being their when your trainer is around.
(Switching trainers at this barn is not an option.)

You are sick of coming home after every lesson feeling like crap, you are tired of worrying yourself sick before lessons, etc.

What would YOU do?

Is it worth putting up with all of this to simply stay with your horse?
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    01-25-2011, 11:32 PM
Green Broke
I would leave.

There is no point in staying with a trainer who is not willing to make you the best rider you can be to the best of both of your abilities.

Riding and lessons should be enjoyable to go to, not something you worry about, and should make you feel like you accomplished or learned something that day.
    01-25-2011, 11:52 PM
Has she always belittled you or is this something new? If it's the former, I wouldn't waste another minute there. Life's too short to be treated like crap. If it's the latter, perhaps ask her where this is coming from.
    01-26-2011, 12:13 AM
True that, Velvets.
Puck, it's always been like this, I've been putting up with it for so long, trying to stay strong and let it roll off my back, but lately it's been getting harder.

The only thing keeping me there is my horse.
    01-26-2011, 01:16 AM
Your story is almost exactly the same as mine. I loved the gelding I was leasing sooooo much that I couldn't leave the barn despite disliking everything else about the barn. The BO wasn't very nice and made it clear she didn't want me there. It took the gelding getting so injured that he will never be ridden again for me to leave. It was very upsetting at first but now I own my own horse boarded at a different barn and I am so much happier! It's a hard decision, but leaving will probably make you happier.
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    01-26-2011, 02:38 PM
Does she treat everyone that way or just you?
    01-27-2011, 01:52 PM
Agree with Velvets - I would leave as well. A coach is a highly personal thing - they have to be able to push you to your limits and get the absolute best possible out of you. There are times my coach pushes, and yells, and tells me to get over it (cantering without stirrups for the first time...need I say more) - but if she didn't push me I would've never made it this far. That being said, not ONCE has she been verbally abusive, and she is nothing but realistic/encouraging after our lessons when we talk about show season or whatever.
    01-27-2011, 02:01 PM
A trainer should train, not be verbally abusive. Like a teacher swearing at a pupil, there is no need for it. If it's making you feel worried and stressed something needs to be done. It's a shams you've found the ideal place but someone is ruining it for you. Moving wouldtye the most likely option for you to take, she doesn't sound like the sort if person you could express your feelings too either. Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out.
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    01-28-2011, 02:09 AM
Ick...I hate situations like that. I -do- agree with the majority in that you shouldn't have to put up with that. However, I understand and sympathize with your feelings regarding your horse. You are a wonderful person for putting up with all that negativity for an animal. Know that.

Are there other possibilities? Could you buy the horse and take it someplace else? I know you said switching trainers isn't possible but I wasn't sure if you could switch locations. Is there a possibility of one of the other boarders that you get along well with could talk to her? It's possible that she doesn't realize how you feel. I'm not trying to come up with excuses....just trying to find helpful avenues for you to pursue.

I tend to find that if I think about a situation long enough, there are ways around it.

I hope everything works out!


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