Help Everything was fine but now.....

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Help Everything was fine but now.....

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    03-15-2010, 01:01 AM
Exclamation Help Everything was fine but now.....

Okay so most of you know me from the Critique on the Texas Rollback or My Crazy Barrels Run On My Friends Horse.
I have a MAJOR problem right now and I just about worked myself sick about it. I don't know what to do and I need serious advice/help.
Ok here it goes......
So I have been boarding Phantom at my friend's (the one who yells at me in the videos) for 4.5 years now and they let me board for free as long as I pay farrier, worming, and treats once in a while. Everything has been fine until recently. Their landlord has been being a real @$$**** the passed 2 -3 years about everything. They now have the money to move which is great im happy for them. So the passed year they have been looking at houses in their area and today I went with them to see one...i was thinking oh it will be like the others I went with them to see. Well we got there and they fell in love with it.......LITERALLY HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE with the place. So they are really considering it. Im happy they found a place but the thing is Phantom is already 40 mins away from me which sucks but this place that they are most likely going to get is AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY!!!! Now to some people this is like oh no big deal but I cry nonstop if I don't see Phantom for a week (he's my emotional rock). Also since Phantom is getting a little up there in age if something God0forbid happened*knocks on wood* I would like to be able to get there asap. Well I consider them sort of family and them me--apparently-- but recently its been different. But anyway when we got back to their house I was really upset like borderline crying but I was holding it in so I packed my stuff up to go home(i sleep over almost every weekend) and then ran outto see Phantom(like I said emotional rock and he always lets me hug him and cry**bless that old boy he's heard so many of my problems**) so I was crying them I heard someone on the railing. It was my friend and I thought she was just coming to check on her horse's foot (it was really hot yesterday)so I asked how Tobi's foot was doing and she's like " im coming to ask what you think of the house" well I couldnt hold it in I started crying and I asked her to please don't make me answer the question(as I mentioned before I am sensitive) and I started crying harder because I couldnt picture having phantom so far away when he is too far now. She walked over and literally asked"what my problem was" so I told her and she basically said "well if your going to be unhappy about it you can move him" but it wasnt in a nice tone it was kind of snappy. Now I have never known her to be like this and she has never raised her voice to me or made me unhappy but this tone was harsh and almost mean. So that made me cry more and she kept going on about me moving him and stuff and saying if I couldnt move him he would saty with her forever. Also I am friends with her daughter and her daughter texted me after I left and said "my mom is such a backstabber" so naturally I asked why? Then she replied (this is the actual text) " She is talking s*** about you she said she couldn't believe you were crying over something so stupid and that you are too insecure about a horse and that you are over exaggerating the situation when nothing is actually wrong or going to change" she continued to say "Those are my moms words not mine...i know it is a big change" It makes me wonder if my "friend" has ever talked about me before. I feel like she doesn't want me there anymore . I don't know what to do. I don't have a trailer and my parents and I are in a bad money situation so I can't pay board for him anywhere. I would totally work at a barn to pay off his board but idk of any places to do it and I still lack a trailer to get him and me to shows. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know why she changed like this I always considered them family her daughter doesnt know why she said those things and her husband who considers me a second daughter doesn't know. Ugh

Sorry it was so long im just really really upset and don't know what to do.
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    03-15-2010, 01:32 PM
Hi Phantomcolt18. I've read your other threads and I think you sound like a very nice girl. Your horse is adorable as well.

I know it's painful to think of losing your horse, but as of right now, it hasn't happened yet, so try to be happy about that. Unfortunately, those people don't need to have your approval to move if that's what they want, although the woman certainly was nasty about it. Even if they aren't moving, I would suggest moving your horse, as anyone who would insult you in that manner is not someone you want controlling your access to your horse, and I certainly wouldn't consider a true friend.

I have been looking for a place to board myself, and in my searches I've found lots of places that will exchange work for board, it just takes some legwork and phone calls to find them. I don't know what state you live in, so I can't tell you exact websites, but try googling, craigslist, and any equine websites.

You will need to figure out a budget and save where you can. I would suggest giving up showing for now to save. I think I remember that you said you are 18, do you have a job someplace?

Ultimately (assuming you are 18 ) you are an adult and you need to take the responsibility to figure out a way to work this all out. It sounds like you are a sensitive person, but I saw in the other threads you are smart as well, so I'm sure you'll come up with something.

To be blunt, at some point we all go through times when we can't afford our horses. Your choices are to accept that it's not possible to have a horse, or you can figure out how you can do it. I definitely encourage the later! There is definitely a way to keep your horse, but you may have to give up other luxury like showing or a ring to ride in. Don't think that just because you have been relying on this woman for your horse needs for years that it is the only way to do it. Become self-reliant and figure out how to make it work.

As sad as it is, sometimes it does work out where it's not possible to keep a horse anymore. They are expensive, and it is a luxury to own one. I hope that you don't end up losing your horse, but I'm very sorry if that does happen.

Best of luck, and don't give up! You can make it all work.
    03-15-2010, 02:50 PM
The weird thing is she was never like this to me before we always had fun riding and now recently things have changed. I can't think of anything I did because I always follow the rules and watch what I say. I will be keeping Phantom I need him in my life right now(he's my rock) but I do need to move him I emailed three places close to me and one replied saying they were full but im still looking. I have been applying everywhere for jobs and no one is hiring me I even had one woman say "to tell you the truth a lot of people aren't hiring teens right now so my manager will probably look at your age and throw your application away" it's horrible that it takes one teen to give us all a bad name. I am a very hard worker and I do not like money being handed to me...i like to work for it. Also I have been saving up some money because I clean for my mommom once a week for $30 but ten goes to gas a week and anything I need then the rest gets saved. My dad said he would pay for showing for me(its only 12 dollars a week). And tomorrow I am going to my friends barn with her to see if her barn owner would be willing to neg. Work for board I have met him before and he is very nice and takes awesome care of his horses and the best thing is .....they're not mindless robot lesson horses they all have a different personality. I live in NJ(south jersey) and I have been thinking ever since this happened yesterday as to how I am going to make this work....... My dad said he could get me a trailer as a graduation willing to do that all I need is a simple two horse. IM just so upset because she has never been that way towards me in the 4 and a half yrs i've been there but I now get the feeling she doesn't want me there. :( and I am definitely willing to give up luxuries for phantom he has given me so much it's the least I could do for him. Thanks so much for replying. And thanks for saying Phantom was adorable it made me smile for seriously like the first time today. : )
    03-16-2010, 12:06 AM
The BO sounds like a real bitch.

I have to drive over an hour to see my horse, and I try to see him pretty much every day. You can't fit in that sort of time in your schedule?

It was nice of the daughter to tell you the BO was talking trash about you. Even if you adjust to having to drive 1.5 hours to see your horse, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to keep your horse with someone who thinks they can behave badly to your face and behind your back, even if the board is free.
    03-16-2010, 07:39 AM
I don't think I could fit it in my trying to find a job right I don't have the gas money and my mom (even though im 1 8 wont let me be down there after dark. I only see him once every week and sometimes only every other week. And now that I look back I guess there were some other things that I might have shrugged off about her and she does seem mean now. And yeah im glad the daughter told me she and I are good friends and she has been having problems with her mom for years and at first I didnt believe her but now I do. I am currently looking for new barns near me that could possibly let me work off board. Im visiting my firen'd barn tonight I hope it goes well I want Phantom out of there.
    03-16-2010, 04:48 PM
If you move your horse closer you will save money in gas to go towards board. You may think they were being rude but you are being selfish. They have been looking for a long time to find a suitable place to move to and I am sure they were hoping for your support and was suprised at your reaction. It's a 2way street. They have been kind and looked after you and your horse for years and it is time to gain some independance. On the places you emailed the emails may have went to spam. I would call or drive over there. You may meet new people to haul you to shows otherwise I would put showing on hold until your finances improve.
    03-16-2010, 04:55 PM
Originally Posted by twh    
The BO sounds like a real bitch.

The BO currently boards the horse for free. The BO rents the property and the OP stated there are issues with the property owners.

In the long run - The OP needs to suck up and deal. She is only looking at herself and her horse - not her friend and her parents - whom the issue impacts the most. Moving their whole home and family.

The BO asked a question and I am sure was shocked at the tears. I can see how she would see the tears as selfish behavior on the part of the OP.
    03-16-2010, 05:11 PM
Super Moderator
Originally Posted by mls    

The BO currently boards the horse for free. The BO rents the property and the OP stated there are issues with the property owners.

In the long run - The OP needs to suck up and deal. She is only looking at herself and her horse - not her friend and her parents - whom the issue impacts the most. Moving their whole home and family.

The BO asked a question and I am sure was shocked at the tears. I can see how she would see the tears as selfish behavior on the part of the OP.
I hate to say it but I think that's the big issue. The BO was hurt by your reaction, she wants you to be happy and excited for her. Now I know you want to be, and I understand your own "selfish" needs. We all have them. I think the best thing for you to do is to try to find a more local place to board your horse. You may even be able to find a work to board deal.

As for you friend, make sure you tell her you are happy for her. She needs a better situation. I know you understand that and I also know why you are so hurt. An hour and a half is really far. Fourty minutes is far. I really do feel for you.
    03-16-2010, 05:12 PM
Yeah, I'm going to agree with mls here.

The OP is only concerned about herself, not the fact that her friend and her family have to move lock, stock and barrel because the landlord is giving them grief.

She's 18 y/o for chrissake, not some 8 y/o who doesn't understand how the world works.

Sorry, but I absolutely see this as her being worried only about herself and her own problems, so I can see why her friend's mother was rather short with her.

She's been given FREE board and feed for almost 5 years, and is now whining that she might have to drive farther down the road to see her horse? I think she should be kissing this woman's feet and thanking her for letting her horse stay with them all these years for nothing, instead of screeching about how 'it's just not fair, and she's being such a meanie poopie head to meeee!'

You're not 'sensitive' OP, you sound completely self serving and unable to see or understand the problems of others.
    03-16-2010, 10:52 PM
Just to clarify: the BO did behave like a bitch. I'm not saying that the BO was not being nice to board the OP's horse for free and whatnot, but I take a very dim view of people who talk trash behind other people's backs — especially to the point that her daughter felt she needed to tell the OP.

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