Stuck in the middle- two people I like at the barn don't get along - The Horse Forum

 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 7 Old 07-01-2011, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 2,816
• Horses: 1
Stuck in the middle- two people I like at the barn don't get along

I've found myself in an awkward position- two people I like at my barn (both instructors who are there a lot) seem to have developed a strong personal dislike for each other, primarily around their methods for handling and training horses. One of them talks to me a lot about everything the other person does wrong.

I really like both of these people as individuals, and learn a lot from both (I only ride with one of them, but chit chat with the other because we're both often the only ones at the barn early in the morning). But, I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable with the bad mouthing of Person #2 by Person #1. I don't ever participate by "gossiping" about Person #2, but realize that I've gotten myself into this position because at first, I was listening sympathetically and letting Person #1 say what she needed to say, not actively agreeing with the critiques but certainly actively listening. I'm not sure if Person #2 is aware that Person #1 is venting with me, but it is certainly clear that other people around the barn are talking about the tension too. And I believe they've had some direct public confrontations, though not in front of me.

I am not a person who has any decision making authority or leadership role at this barn- I ride my horse, take a few lessons, and help out with other lessons a few times a week. I don't want to play the mediator role or help them resolve their differences. I simply want to maintain a positive, upbeat relationship with both people. Am I asking to have my cake and eat it too? Am I going to have to be more direct with Person #1 and tell her I don't want to listen to her vent about Person #2's horsemanship anymore? I'm starting to realize that this probably isn't going to stop unless I do something more active.
egrogan is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 7 Old 07-01-2011, 09:51 AM
Showing
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Just south of sanity
Posts: 16,257
• Horses: 3
You're going to have to let Trainer #1 know you're not willing to listen to her gripes any longer.

If she starts, simply tell her, 'I don't feel comfortable discussing Trainer #2 like this. If you have an issue with her, I'd rather you take it up with her.' Then change the subject.

If she tries to continue, wash, rinse, and repeat the above phrase. Walk away if you have to. She'll eventually get the message.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
Speed Racer is online now  
post #3 of 7 Old 07-01-2011, 10:09 AM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: North Texas
Posts: 1,211
• Horses: 1
Option 1- Change the subject. "Oh hey, I was going to ask you where you got your saddle pad" or "Hey what kind of saddle soap do you use?"

Option 2- "Sally, sorry for interrupting but the tension between you and Sandy is making me a bit uncomfortable. I understand your reasons for not getting along and I'm glad that you feel you can talk to me about it but I like you both and I would rather not talk about it. I hope you're not offended in any way, I just don't want to be caught in the middle."

Option 3 - Keep in strictly professional and avoid them both.

~ Starline Stables ~
starlinestables is offline  
post #4 of 7 Old 07-04-2011, 10:45 PM
QOS
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Southeast Texas
Posts: 3,391
• Horses: 2
Starline - option #2 is terrific. I think you belong in the diplomatic corps or at least in public relations!!

Enjoying my Garmin and mapping trails
Visit my trail riding blog at
dashingbigred.blogspot.com
QOS is offline  
post #5 of 7 Old 07-04-2011, 11:02 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,246
• Horses: 2
Maybe I highjack this thread for a moment with a related question?


What if I have two friends who hate each other and have had a major argument over an issue. However, I'm not completely neutral on this issue and have choosen to "side" with one of these people... I don't want to be a pansy and not defend what I believe, but I want to be friends with both these people.

Last edited by Brighteyes; 07-04-2011 at 11:06 PM.
Brighteyes is offline  
post #6 of 7 Old 07-05-2011, 12:41 AM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: North Texas
Posts: 1,211
• Horses: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by QOS View Post
Starline - option #2 is terrific. I think you belong in the diplomatic corps or at least in public relations!!
As a barn owner, I'm learning quickly! LOL

Bright eyes - "Sally, I don't want to offend you but after some thought, I agree with Suzie. Can we agree to disagree? I value both your friendships and I really don't want it to come between us."

~ Starline Stables ~
starlinestables is offline  
post #7 of 7 Old 07-05-2011, 08:45 AM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 2,816
• Horses: 1
Thanks everyone. This is just what I needed to hear- some neutral, objective feedback that I need to stop ignoring what's going on and express my discomfort directly. This is always the best option in work settings, but I was having trouble transferring to my personal life.
egrogan is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
"There's no market for middle-class horses. We raise middle-class horses." westonsma Horse Breeds 28 01-25-2010 10:02 PM
For boarders - have the people at the barn ever harmed your horse? MythRider Horse Health 11 12-20-2009 05:03 PM
Uh oh, I cleaned out my BARN and CLOSET. The result: over 150 horse and people items. Seattle Tack and Equipment Classifieds 12 08-25-2009 07:18 AM
Annoying people at your barn? (little Rant) CharliesMom English Riding 24 07-30-2009 11:27 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome