Still on my phone, so I'll do my best here.
First barrel wasn't too bad. But the turn was rather choppy and rough looking. Have you had this mare examined by a chiro?
Lose the whip. Period. Your horse looks rather annoyed when you use it and I don't see you getting any extra speed from her.
When you turn a barrel, never look at the barrel itself. Where you look, is where your horse will go, because that's what your body language says. Instead, look at "axis points" around the barrel that you want to get to. Those acid points should be about 3 or 4 feet from the barrel all the way around.
That said, you turned the 2nd barrel way too soon and way too tight. Push her deeper into the pocket, look at your axis points, keep your weight slightly more in your outside leg, and keep your hand low and quiet.
When you leave the second barrel, do NOT drift. You lose so much time doing that. Finish your second barrel turn before you start whipping for the third (but we are going to get rid of that whip, right?). Make a perfectly straight line from barrel to barrel.
Third barrel you turned way too soon which forced your horse to come out of the backside wide and drift horribly. Look at your first axis point, 4 feet from the barrel, to start your pocket and head straight for it. Push her deeper in the turn, and then actually finish the turn before heading for home.
I will post more later (and I'm sure others will too) but that'll get you started.
Now, 99% of what I saw was rider error. However, if you've always ridden your horse incorrectly through the pattern like this, it will take MONTHS to fix. So be patient and consistent.
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