Originally Posted by HorseCourage
If I don't set his head he becomes unfocused, the head set is needed. Besides the headset he is an amazing horse. He is not the problem with my heels.
No, the problem with your heels is related to the head setting issue, insofar as both are related to the fact that you are getting very incorrect instruction from whoever it is that is teaching you this stuff.
It is next to impossible to fix any major issues over the Internet, so my best piece of advice for you would be to find a (competent) instructor to work with both of you. A qualified instructor who can watch you ride in person can help you figure out what is going on with your stirrup issues (be it that you're bracing, pinching with your knee, leathers are too long, or some combination) and help you learn to focus on how your horse is moving, rather than where his nose is.