The real, true, and unexplainable rules of dressage - The Horse Forum
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 11 Old 05-26-2011, 11:41 PM Thread Starter
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 3,220
• Horses: 0
The real, true, and unexplainable rules of dressage

Someone sent this to me! Thought you might get a kick out of it too!
(#6 is my fav! ain't that the truth....)







1. If you really want to get better at dressage, take it up at an earlier age – and grow an extra 3 inches of leg.
2. A test that starts with an arrow straight centre line and a square halt signifies the start of a Hickstead Speed derby.
3. A dressage test is a test of your skill against another competitor’s luck.
4. Dressage is about achieving a harmonious working relationship with your horse, whose only idea of harmony is eating grass in a field with his buddies.
5. If you want to end a drought or dry spell, wear a new jacket and Patey hat to an outdoor arena.
6. Untalented, difficult, aggressive horses have robust health, good hocks and long lives.
7. Talented tractable horses are accident prone and have OCD lesions.
8. You will ride the best test of your entire life just prior to being disqualified for not wearing your gloves.
9. Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your head before a test.
10. Never keep less than another 300 separate thoughts in your head during a test.
11. Horses do not improve their paces because you are wearing expensive German breeches.
12. If you chose a disco theme for your dressage to music test then the judge will be more than 90 years of age and Swiss.
13. The less skilled the rider, the more likely they are to share their critique of your test.
14. If you are considering the services of a horse clairvoyant to help you with training then you have reached the point of total desperation – try the German breeches.
15. Your horse has never heard of Podhajsky let alone read the book.
16. No matter how badly you ride a test, it is always possible to ride a worse one.
17. If it ain’t broke, try shifting your position and it will be.
18. Judges only suffer from temporary blindness (or kindness) when they are judging someone else’s test.
20. If you fall off your horse in the arena you will have paid to have the test videoed.
21. If you are feeling confident before a show then three of the British dressage team will turn up to give their young horses some “experience.”
22. Your horse will perform its best piaffe ever when you ask for extended canter.
23. Since runs of bad competitions come in groups of three, the fourth competition is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
24. No one cheats at dressage because no one has worked out how to do it.
25. It is surprisingly easy to end a test with a perfect square halt once you have scored a four for every other movement.
26. The result of an expensive lesson from a top pro is that you will stop believing in that tiny piece of innate ability that was holding your riding together.
27. Remember when buying a dressage horse advertised as “needs experienced competitive rider” this really means “needs the skills of Phillip Dutton just to stay on board.”
28. If you think your test was better than someone elses, it probably wasn’t.
29. If you pay 60,000 for an imported WB, you will be beaten in First Level 4 by a quarter horse.
30. Clinics given by someone with an interesting accent are not necessarily superior to those given by the homeboy.
31. If you go to the expense of raising an expensive WB foal, he will have a talent for jumping and no walk worth talking about.
upnover is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 11 Old 05-26-2011, 11:49 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: In the saddle.
Posts: 5,157
• Horses: 1
6, 13 and 26 lol! All are very true!
Posted via Mobile Device
~*~anebel~*~ is offline  
post #3 of 11 Old 05-26-2011, 11:53 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Eventing Country
Posts: 8,220
• Horses: 0
LOL, I like #3 and #9 - that's halarious!

MIEventer is offline  
post #4 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 12:01 AM
Started
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 2,348
• Horses: 1
#8 - OMG! Too funny. I was once disqualified shortly after riding what would have been the best test of mine and my old horse's career. We were about 75% through the test when out of nowhere he bucked me off into the mud - LOL.
Carleen is offline  
post #5 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 02:11 AM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: WA
Posts: 1,400
• Horses: 3
those are too funny!
Dressage10135 is offline  
post #6 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 08:12 AM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 324
• Horses: 1
Love this!
leonalee is offline  
post #7 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 10:05 PM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 674
• Horses: 2
6,7,14,27.... I can't stop giggling!

If your horse says no, you either asked the wrong question or asked the question wrong

And God took a handful of southerly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse
MudPaint is offline  
post #8 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 10:18 PM
Yearling
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: IN
Posts: 780
• Horses: 2
This is amazing! Thanks for sharing the laughs!

"He doth nothing but talk of his horses."
~William Shakespeare
IslandWave is offline  
post #9 of 11 Old 05-27-2011, 10:52 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 23,907
• Horses: 2
3, 18, 23 & 25!

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
kitten_Val is offline  
post #10 of 11 Old 05-28-2011, 02:03 PM
Showing
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 10,441
• Horses: 0
equiniphile is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Had my first real dressage lesson today! equestrian Dressage 3 12-25-2010 01:35 PM
4H Rules? BarrelRacer86 Horse Law 14 12-23-2010 10:14 AM
unexplainable lame horse?! samskye347 Horse Health 2 06-07-2010 03:16 PM
Rules? free_sprtd Barn Maintenance 38 09-01-2008 06:51 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome