Do you argue with your instructor? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 05:39 PM
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I do. A lot. But then again, Toni isn't really an intructor so much as she is my second mother. She has been a friend of the family since LONG before I was even born, and I grew up at her barn riding and learning I used to take everything just because she said it, but when I started doing my own research I dared to challenge her....Granted she hasn't been wrong since I've known her, but I still ask anyway and hope for the day I can be right and she can be wrong. Still waiting. And waiting. And waiting some more.

It's perfectly fine to argue if you really feel its necessary. You are paying them. They can deal with you because they are there at your expense. If they don't understand that you need explanations, then they should give you your money back and refer you to someone else.

Pssh.I didn't pick up the wrong lead
It's called a counter canter...
...A very advanced maneuver.
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post #12 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 05:46 PM
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Originally Posted by MyBoyPuck View Post
She seemed more than a bit put off by my insight to the point of suggesting we cannot work together.
That is the only bit of advice I would take from that "lesson".

Nothing wrong with ASKING the coach to explain themselves as we all learn in different ways. If that coach can't FULLY explain not only what they want but how to achieve it, expected results, expected consequences if not done correct and the reason why it is being asked for at this stage of training then they have no business teaching in any manner whatsoever.
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post #13 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 07:15 PM
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I argued with my old trainer all the time. She would tell me to do things I physically could NOT do, and wouldn't listen when I tried to explain why I wouldn't drop my stirrups. Or else she'd put me on a horse I had no idea how to ride, and give me instructions that made no sense and didn't work at all. -_-

My new/current trainer? Well...if you call breaking down into tears and begging to not ride a certain horse arguing...then yes. I've argued with her once (and I won). Otherwise, never.

A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.
John Lennon

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post #14 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 07:23 PM
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In reading responses, I think that people are using argue and question interchangably...To me argue means to disagree disrespectfully, but to question means to ask why, or for clarification...I do that all the time. I do trust my instructor to not push me beyond my ability, but she does push me. I ask a lot and give her looks sometimes when she asks me to do something new that I'm slightly scared of. She's never let me down though.

I would not argue with her though. Not only do I think it's silly to argue with my instructor about something she's made her life--she knows her stuff, but it would be no different than my high school students arguing about what they think I should be teaching them. That's not their area of expertise, nor is it my area to argue with her about riding.

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post #15 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 07:29 PM
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I do not argue with my regular trainer. After once a week for 7 years, she has not once given me a piece of advice that I did not see as acceptable. She's willing to work at my pace and is comfortable with me and my horse.

However, I took a cross country clinic with an outside trainer. My horse came off of one jump strange and I informed the clinician that I was retiring from the clinic and would proceed through the rest of the jumps simply to watch (my horse wasn't lame.. he just didn't feel 'right'.) He made me feel like a complete incompetent idiot and told me to carry on and, more or less, don't be such a baby. He bullied me into it and I was too chicken to say no. My horse HAD twisted funny and was in TOTAL PAIN, which I found out after that. He was just too good of a boy to speak up about it.
From now on, if a trainer gave me a piece of advice or tried to push me into something, the answer is flat out NO. I've paid in advance, my refusal to do any of the things presented is not costing that trainer a penny.

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post #16 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 07:38 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Fowl Play View Post
In reading responses, I think that people are using argue and question interchangably...To me argue means to disagree disrespectfully, but to question means to ask why, or for clarification...I do that all the time. I do trust my instructor to not push me beyond my ability, but she does push me. I ask a lot and give her looks sometimes when she asks me to do something new that I'm slightly scared of. She's never let me down though.
When I started this post, I attempted to equate argue with question. I in know way suggested being disrespectful. I guess debate would have been a more positive word to use.

You just have to see your don't have to like it.
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post #17 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 08:38 PM
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I don't like the way this "trainer" handled it.

Immature of the person to get huffy, to be resentful of your sincere reservations about "obeying orders", and to be so resistive to giving you an explanation for the orders! How are you going to learn if you don't know the why/when/how/where?

I had a similar experience with a big "international" rider; I instinctively knew the directive was wrong, and since the incident, I've read/heard a million times that it was, indeed, wrong. I'd not bet on this trainer, and I think if you take more "lessons", it'll end up badly anyway, but with the added insult of $ wasted.
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post #18 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 08:59 PM
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when i took lessons with my old trainer [we had a falling out that had nothing to do with the horses..its a long story, but i miss him a lot] i would never argue with him. i would ask questions or ask why he wanted me to do something, but i trusted him, & i always knew he was trying to do right for the horse.

im not the kind of person who says no to a trainer, but i have and i will if i think they are not doing the right thing for the horse or for me.

Gypsy & Scout <3
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. ~Albert Einstein
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post #19 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 09:12 PM
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Sure, but not much with my current trainer, we agree on pretty much everything. But I'll often ask for the reasoning or philosophy behind what she's instructing. I ask how to accomplish the task, what the result should be, and what happens when I do it wrong or don't do it.

I have often told her that my horse was too hot to jump a certain jump or to canter again, once he gets wound up. She always respected that, but after she rode him she understood completely what kind of horse he is and how you have to ride him.

So basically, I can, do, and will "argue" with my trainer, but it's less like argue and more like discuss. And if the trainer can't give me an explanation I stop riding with them.

I give myself very good advice, But I very seldom follow it
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post #20 of 56 Old 05-16-2010, 09:23 PM
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Well, once again I can consider myself extremely lucky. My trainer and I see eye to I on everything. In my eyes she's the best there is and she grants me the room to make my own judgment call if I want to try was she offers or not. I have total freedom, but only for the reason is because she is teaching me to be a better trainer and to think and feel independently. If I feel something going on I don't hesitate to ask why it's happening. If she tells me to do something, I trust her 100%. I do it, and almost always it's instantly better. However, you're never right all the time and she will be the first to admit that. Riding and training is an exploration.
We are in it together all the way, which is why I never went back to school. I have found my place for now and I couldn't be happier.
I read post after post on here and I continue to count my lucky stars, I am truly blessed to have a totally bad-ass trainer and mentor to teach me everything she knows. lol
There are people here at our barn that don't see eye to eye on a lot fo things we do and although I have accepted that they are on a different path, it is still frustrating at times.
In my honest opinion, if the methods you chose to explore and believe in and you are working with someone who does not then no matter how good the barn is it's more worth it to find a place that really floats your boat. Not just 1/2 way.

In riding, a horse's energy is like a river- guided by the banks but not stopped by them.
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