Kinda bummed/Am I being unrealistic?
I had a rough night last night after my lesson. My trainer is AWESOME, and I couldn't ask for a better teacher and friend. My lesson itself wasn't what some might consider horrible(didn't fall off, only doing walk/trot anyway), but when I was done, I was sooooo mad at myself. As some of you know from a post back in Dec/Jan, I had wrist surgery Dec 30th. Well, that surgery was botched badly by my surgeon, so now I have a new surgeon. He has put me in a cast from the tip of my left thumb up to my elbow. I am NOT happy about this. All of a sudden, I can't remember what to do with my legs while posting, my hands are everywhere, and I'm second guessing everything else. I have been riding off and on for 19 years, and I am coming back after 7 years off, a bad car accident(with head injury and balance issues that are still ongoing), getting married, having 2 kids, and 4 surgeries (since Dec. 30th). Am I being unrealistic to think that I still have what it takes at 28 years old, after that much time off, and with everything that's going on? I'm obviously not going to be doing any rated shows, nor do I want to. My trainer says that with the way I'm going I will be doing crossrails in local schooling shows at the end of August/beginning of September. My trainer is my best friend, and I know she wouldn't do anything that would hurt me, but I'm losing confidence in what little riding abilities I have. I am leasing her 7 year old OTTB mare, "Stevie". There aren't very many people that want to deal with her, because she is such a "you-know-what". That almost makes me feel better, knowing that I can handle her and make her listen. However, it's not helping my confidence while I'm riding. I know this has been a really long post, and I'm sorry. I just needed to get this out there. I love horses with all my heart, and would be empty without them. I'm just afraid that maybe my time has come to quit dreaming and be realistic.