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Who's Right? Feeling a Bit Frustrated...

5K views 30 replies 16 participants last post by  maura 
#1 ·
I recently went to my first rated show with my trainer and some other people experienced in horse shows. The horse show was okay and Rusty did very well, but there's some things that really bothered me about the show.

At the schooling show held a few weeks before, my horse, Rusty, got into a cement wash rack just fine. However, it was slippery, and it really freaked him out as well as me. He was slipping all over, and I know he was really panicked. I dried him off outside the rack because I thought it was a bit hazardous. When we went back this next week, Rusty would not go into the wash rack. While I knew he had to go in, I found this fear reasonable because if I were him, I'd be scared to go back in when I thought I was going to fall, too. One of the horse show moms with us totally dismissed my thinking and said, "He needs to go in. He's not going to die and has no reason to act like this."

I kind of saw the point, but at the same time, she just totally dismissed his fears as if he had no right to them. Yeah, I knew he needed to get into that wash rack, but I was pointing out that he had a reason not to. And she just acted like it was stupid. Is that right?

The other problem I had was with my normally patient trainer. She's usually really great and encouraging at home, but at the horse show, she was sort of different. Maybe it was the heat *shrug.* She wouldn't let us warm up without her, which kind of makes sense to me, except we were always late to our classes. She would tell us not to get our horses ready, and then she wanted them ready NOW. And the show officials would be calling her because her riders were up next and not at the arena gate waiting. And when we weren't going fast enough, she'd tell us to hurry up in a really annoyed voice. Would it just be easier to get our horses ready earlier?

Most of us really didn't know what to expect at our first show either or exactly what to do. Our trainer was really mad when she found a few pieces of sawdust in the our horses' tails. I knew horses had to be clean but spotless was a whole new thing to me! So the next day, I inspected Rusty's tail in his stall but had trouble due to the fact that there's sawdust everywhere. So I brought him out and was looking through his tail and his feet for sawdust. My trainer came over and was like, "He's fine, let's go!" in a really annoyed voice. I was left thinking, So it's not that important? Huh?, especially since she told us if she found sawdust on our horses we wouldn't show in the next class.

Rusty was also a little lazy at the show, and I am not the most fit person in the world. He jumped over everything, but apparently he cantered too slow. My trainer got very frustrated with me, and I felt unable to do anything. She kept getting upset because I needed more leg, and unfortunately I was out of breath halfway through my courses trying to get Rusty going. My legs were like jelly, and I just couldn't kick/nudge anymore. I tried carrying a crop to inspire Rusty, but he was still "too slow". We did like six classes a day at least in 95 degrees and upwards. I didn't decide how many classes; my trainer did. Anyway, I was to the point of tears and wasn't having fun anymore because she kept getting after me and I just felt like I couldn't give any more leg than I possibly could. I tried, but the more I tried, the more my position got worse (ie, my legs started jiggling all over, I started unconsciously driving with my seat instead of my legs). And then she got mad about that. And then at the gate she'd tell me, "Just have fun with it.", but then she'd be frustrated because we weren't riding well because my body was giving out on me. I KNOW I need to get in better shape now, but in lessons she's always telling me how much my stamina has improved and how I'm in good shape now. Guess not... I guess my point is that I wasn't out there to win, just to have fun. But it stopped being fun when my trainer got frustrated. And then before the derby, I was just exhausted trying to get Rusty to go, and my trainer was mad because I didn't hear her tell me to trot to the fence so I cantered it, and then she told me to trot it, and I had to stop for a brief second to regroup and catch my breath, and she got mad and yelled at me to hurry up. Somehow I survived the derby, by the way, after creating some big story in my head and forcing myself to believe it about someone chasing me.

On Sunday, I scratched three classes because Rusty was just really tired, and I was going to ride like 9 classes otherwise. I figured it wasn't fair to him after he'd had a great rest of the show. Two of my trainer's show horses wouldn't go over fences all weekend. Another horse that was owned by someone was refusing, too. A jumper mare had a few bad days where she wouldn't go over any jumps. And the other two jumpers either tripped or brought the whole fence down and their riders fell off. Rusty and I might not have won anything, but I felt it to be a big accomplishment that we were the only ones from our stable that got through the derby without being eliminated, and that Rusty jumped every fence at the show, even when he was tired. And this is his first big show and his first year of doing serious jumping. So I was really proud. And at the end of the show, my trainer was saying how all of us did really well. But then why was she so frustrated? She told me I was too serious when I was showing and that I needed to smile, but I couldn't smile because I wasn't having any fun. And when I told her that my legs were simply going to give out on me, she told me I needed to regroup then. But how can I regroup halfway through the course when I'm completely out of breath? She told me that I needed to stop being a passenger because Rusty would eventually stop going for me. And I don't try to be a passenger, but on the last two fences of the course, I just couldn't. Is this even normal, or am I just being wimpy?

All of this is really bothering me because I didn't really have fun showing. I was very proud of Rusty and in no way do I blame him for anything because I do believe he was giving me his all. He could have stopped at every fence like all the other horses, but he went over them because I asked. And I should tell you that he was a chronic run-outer less than six months ago. But I'm really down on myself and my riding. I just kept wondering at the show if someone more experienced could ride him better and could have trained him better. He's got a lot of stuff going for him, and while I know that horses don't feel potential or need achievement, I just started to feel like I was too bad of a rider for such a great horse. And the more my trainer got after me, the more I started to doubt myself and my riding. Rusty and I have always been the underdogs. And while I was proud he was the best behaved, I started to wonder if he was really behaved because I trained him that way or because he's just a good, honest horse. I didn't train him myself, but I got him into jumping. But I just wonder if anyone could have gotten him to jump because I'm maybe an advanced beginner, although I pretty much question that.

I guess I'm just really questioning myself as a rider. Am I really cut out to be a show rider? Is it really worth it to dress in hot attire on a super hot day to jump over some fences? Am I lazy for thinking that showing is an awful lot of work, or that bathing a horse every single day for the show is not a good thing and excessive? Is it okay to work a horse and rider to breaking point? Or am I just wimpy? Should I expect my horse to obey to perfection like everyone does?

Oh, just tell me what you think. This show changed a lot of my thoughts towards things and not in a good way necessarily. I don't even know what to think anymore. I just know this show really made me think twice about my abilities as a rider and about my trainer, too.
 
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#2 ·
I think the heat got to your trainer, you & the horse. Give it one more try, if you don't enjoy it the 2nd time out, then it's time to rethink the show scene.
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#4 · (Edited)
I'm a show mom. My 9 year old shows our mare AQHA and at open shows. Her trainer/coach also attends shows with us.

Shows (even fun shows) can be stressful. I try to be 150% supportive if Kitten at shows, but admit I get stressed an occasionally am short with her. Her trainer is also a little tougher at shows than she is at lessons. Afterall, shows are where she showcases her students and can be an advertisement for her training skills.

With that said, don't give up on showing just yet. What has helped us is to be very organized before the show. We know our classes and have a checklist for each class (to do'd and to haves). We have a schedule that helps, but we try hard to be flexible.

For grooming, we wash the night before the show, then use a blanket to keep Acey clean. We touch up groom each morning, but too many baths can dry out their coat.

We're in Texas, so we show in 100+ temps. Yes, heat gets to everyone. We make sure the horses and the kids stay hydrated and keep them cool with fans and misters. Kitten does not put on her show shirt and jacket until 5 minutes before her class. She wears a camisole that can go under her clothes and we just throw the rest on top...pulling it off as soon as she is done. Water on your pulse points helps too.

Good luck and don't give up. Once you get the hang of it, shows ARE fun. We love showing and look forward to shows. Even Acey seems to enjoy shows. :). Organization is key.
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#5 ·
Thank you! I felt that my trainer wasn't very organized at all, which didn't help me much lol. I almost felt it would have been easier doing it myself, but I'm at that point where I still need someone there. I tend to take a lot of things personally and overthink things. But I'm really glad you shared that. :) It makes me feel a little more hopeful!

And unfortunately, our trainer wanted us to warm up and sit in our coats and shirts. Because, trust me, I would have been putting mine on when I was in the hole!
 
#7 ·
Sounds like your trainer got horse show nerves, which a LOT of people do. Listing the issues you stated (some related to her) they are:
  • Trainer related Issues:
    • we were always late to our classes
    • She wouldn't let us warm-up without her
    • She would tell us not to get our horses ready, and then she wanted them ready NOW
  • Rusty was also a little lazy at the show
    • due to heat, # classes, etc
  • I am not the most fit person in the world
    • wasn't having fun anymore
    • I'm really down on myself
So to fix this I suggest the following:
#1 Talk to trainer. Tell her that as this was your first show you found you didn't like it because:
  • You felt rushed.
    • Ask her how many minutes before class starts should you start preparing your horse?
      • For myself I groom the horse (brush, eliminate sawdust in mane and tail, clean hooves, braid, etc.) while horse is eating breakfast, so all I need to do before I ride is a light brush over body, fly spray, then tack up.
      • Best to verify horse hasn't rolled about an hour before your first class. If so you'll now have a chance to fix it without being rushed.
      • Time yourself to see how long it takes you to brush/ prepare your horse to be "perfect" for the show AND separately how long it takes you to tack up the horse AND how long it takes you to get yourself ready (hair tucked neatly away, dirt cleaned off hands, face, clothes, show clothes on, etc.
      • Write times down and put with show clothes so you're ready for next show, then give yourself another 5-10 minutes on show day in case something goes wrong.
    • Ask her - how soon before the class starts does she want you in the warm-up ring? Then make certain you are there on time or about 5 minutes early so you don't feel rushed.
  • You and horse ran out of steam, explain that you feel that part of it was the heat. .
    • Tell her in the future that for shows you do not want to show in more than 6 classes (possibly less if the heat is extremely bad) and would like to help her select which classes you would do best and feel most comfortable riding in. Then remind her of that before the next show and make certain she sits down with you and you both decide and DOCUMENT which classes you plan to ride in.
    • Ask her how you can increase your riding fitness level for yourself and Rusty. Then start on a fitness plan for both of you.
  • Lastly - tell her you did NOT have fun.
    • Part of that was the "rushing" which should be resolved if she and you follow the advice above, part of that was being tired - which should be resolved if you increase your & Rusty's fitness,
    • and part was your performance.
      • To fix the performance issue (where she said you were too slow) ask her EVERY lesson - is this too fast/slow/just right? Thus you are reminding her of what she expects during a show and by asking both of you will set your expectations (and the horses) for the next show and that should eliminate her non-positive comments.
    • Ask her what she would suggest you do to help be more prepared for future shows to help make it more fun.
Having done all that both you and she know you have things to work on - and her getting herself prepared will help reduce her stress as well as your own.
 
#8 ·
Now that you have your first show under your belt, you have a better idea of what happens. There is nothing to stop you from getting yourself organized (our trainer is awesome, but not organized ;)...so, to reduce our stress, we organize ourselves.

Some lists you should consider
Bathing - Supplies
- hose
- sprayer
- bucket
- Sponges
- Body wash
- Towels
- blanket/cooler
Grooming - Supplies
- hoof pick
- rubber curry
- body brush
- clippers (charged!)
- braid bands
- show shine
- hoof polish
Grooming Checklist
- clip
- pick feet
- curry body
- brush body
- brush mane / tail
- braid
- etc
English Tack Horse
- saddle
- saddle blanket
- bridle
English Clothes Rider
...

You get the idea. I have our lists on the computer. Before each show, I make a show binder with all my lists, the show program, a list of Kitten's classes, Acey's paperwork (coggins, registration), show patterns. That Binder is my bible during the show and really helps us keep up with everything. :)
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#9 ·
Thanks for all the advice you guys, I so appreciate it! I guess I have always dreamed of going to horse shows and doing them - and the first time out at a big show wasn't what I expected. I felt a lot of sense of accomplishment between me and Rusty, and it was fun in the beginning, but the more frustrated my trainer became, the less fun I was having. I knew the 3 girls I was with weren't having much fun, but that was because their horses were not behaving: Hamilton, seasoned show horse, was running out of a lot of jumps, Gracie, usually halfway calm horse that's been to a few shows, was bucking and wouldn't jump for beans and crashed into jumps, and Sunny, owned by a pretty good rider, kept having refusal problems. But they were all having horse problems, and I really wasn't. Sure, Rusty was slow, but he was jumping - he's never seen a jump so decorated, he's never been to a rated horse show, he's never jumped a course outside, he's never done a hunter derby, he's never jumped the arena fence - he was so good. And I wanted to focus more on that than on how slow he was going or how he doesn't always get the correct lead - I guess that's stuff that we need to work on at home, but I went knowing that Rusty has problems with his right lead, and he picked it up more consistently than he ever has. There were a lot of small accomplishments at that show which I was very proud of, and I guess my trainer kind of brought all those proud feelings of my horse down because I felt she was expecting perfection. And Rusty isn't near perfect - for Pete's sake, I'd call him a green jumper! - but he did SO WELL. I just wanted everyone to be proud of Rusty and where he came from. I know my riding isn't anything special or even good, but I guess I just think the world of my horse. :)
 
#10 ·
You should feel proud! Y'all did great!

We show because it allows Kitten and Acey to test themselves as a team against other riders her age/skill. If Kitten and Acey both do their best, we're happy. Kitten has placed dead last and we were thrilled because she stayed in control at a canter. Sure, they were on the wrong lead, but cantering around the arena with strange horses and remaining in control was a major accomplishment!

You have a great attitude and you and Rusty will go far if you keep that wonderful partnership going. Trust yourself, trust Rusty, no matter what anyone says, you know you did well in your heart. Keep reminding yourself of all that you did accomplish and be proud. :)
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#11 ·
Thanks! :) When I first started jumping Rusty, he was extremely heavy on the forehand, ducked out of every other jump, and was extremely out of shape. If things got higher than he felt comfortable with (basically 2 foot, lol), he wouldn't go over anything. Now he jumps over about anything and doesn't lean on me. He's a little stinker, and while I own a little Arab that's the perfect HUS horse, I'd rather go with Rusty just because I love him so much. :)) If he hated jumping and wasn't cut out for it, I'd stop. But he gets really excited about jumping, so here were are. I just can't help but gush about my horse!
 
#12 ·
I'm gobsmacked by how many classes you were signed up for at your first show, and that your first show was a multiday one! Holy Moly, no wonder you ran out of gas. .maybe just 1 division per day? Or limit the number of o/f classes?

Personally, I found that show nerves zapped a lot of energy. I'd get Jello legs also, and would get light-headed from forgetting to breathe. It only got better when I felt better prepared.
 
#13 ·
Well, it was my first big show, I guess I should say. I've been to two one-day shows and then lots of 4H stuff. But yeah, three classes would have been better for me I think rather than six. I love to watch people ride, and I didn't really get to do that much. :/

And part of the problem was I didn't eat because it was hot and I was nervous. So I suppose that's where my stamina went. But I drank A TON of water! :)
 
#14 ·
I usually pick out sawdust from the tail hpours before hand and then a last minute check. There isn't any reason not to be saddled early and standing in the stall. I would rather be ready early and not rush. Sounds like you were entered in way to many classes especially your 1st show. Now that you know what to expect take more control and get your horse ready on your time frame and limit your classes. No reason to burn you or your horse out.

If the wash rack is slippery I wouldn't take my horse in if he was upset or it will just be worse. Wash him at home before the show. Stick to your guns and do what you feel is right as your horse must come 1st.

I am sure she was frustrated tryiong to keep tabs ion everyone and if the show wasn't going well she might have been embarrassed
 
#15 ·
For starters, I showed in that same heat this weekend and that is no fun no matter how much you try to enjoy it. I did my XC with jello for legs and probably looked like a sack of potatoes by the time my stadium round came up.
I don't know who was more tired, the horses or the riders.

That being said, I would not have appreciated your trainers handling of the situation. Especially if showing is new to you, at least part of her job was to support you, not make you more nervous than you already were. Maybe she had an off day, but I agree you need to discuss your concerns with her.

As for the wash stall incident, I'm with you on that one. You know your horse better than anyone. If you think he was genuinely scared by slipping, then trust your gut and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.

Sorry you had a not too fun day. Try another show once it cools off and you'll probably have a blast.
 
#16 ·
First I'd like to say that I'm sorry you had such a lousy time.

I don't think it was right for the lady to act like your horse's fears were stupid. I can kind of see where she's coming from, but it isn't really her business anyways.

Some people, including trainers, can get really wacky (for lack of a better word) at shows. Maybe it was the heat, maybe not.

As for getting ready, my instructor had me get ready before I was even thinking that I should. It turns out, she was right and I had enough time to get ready and ride Skippy a bit before I had to show.

I know that for my first show I really had no clue what to do.

If you were running out of breath halfway through your courses, maybe you should do some more courses at home and then show on the flat for a while? Just until you get more fit.

I'm also surprised at how many classes you did, perhaps it would've been better to do fewer since this was your first multi-day show.

And as for you doubting yourself as a rider, I think that happens to all of us at some point. I think you just need to have confidence in yourself.

Showing isn't for everyone. However, I personally find showing really fun, and I don't think you should give it up just yet. If showing is something you'd like to do more in the future, and this is usually how your instructor acts at shows, maybe you'd be better off finding an instructor who can be a joy to be with at shows.

ETA: Also, bathing should take place the day before you go showing, and you shouldn't bathe too often, as it strips the natural oils off of the coat.
 
#17 · (Edited)
I've been in both positions: as a rider/competitor and as a trainer.

As a first time competitor I remember being nervous and having fun (it was a long time ago!). I'd just bought my horse two weeks earlier and didn't have anyone to help me. We were disorganized and things were chaotic but we had a BLAST.

The next year, I had a mentor to help me and thankfully she is endlessly patient. We were much more organized and still had tons of fun!

Eventually, I worked my way up to co-organizing the show (with my mentor) and playing at the role of trainer for other young people. I remember one particular show where everything seemed to go wrong. The show was running behind, the arena was inconveniently located (across the busy, noisy fairgrounds from the stables) and to top it all off, it kept storming intermittently. So, we'd have to walk the (sometimes terrified) horses across the grounds back to the shelter of the stables, and then back again once it cleared up enough to continue the show.

All of this was physically and mentally exhausting and, when it came time to break for lunch, all of my pupils deserted me and I was left with three horses and three piles of expensive tack to watch over. By the end of the day, I was so exhausted I ended up scratching my own riding classes because I don't think I would've had enough energy to even climb aboard the horse.

After that experience, I became a bit of a drill sergeant, insisting that my students be present AT ALL TIMES with their horses, nagging them when they were absent for a few moments, hounding them to get ready exactly on time (not so early that the horses got sour from standing in their tack, but not so late that we were late for classes), and, in short, taking all the fun out of it.

I learned that I may be pretty good at coaching students at home, but probably wasn't the best "show" trainer. So, I stopped doing it. It wasn't fun for me, and it certainly wasn't fun for my students. If I showed myself, I would only have the most experienced/competent students show with me. If I had a beginner showing, I didn't show and concentrated all my energies working with just one or perhaps two students. If a student had previously shown themselves to be untrustworthy, I wouldn't help them at a show again, although they were given a second chance if they were sincere about changing their attitude.

Of course, I could afford to pick and choose because this wasn't my "real job." I basically just volunteered for fun. I can't imagine the pressure on a professional trainer... where a lot of times you win or you lose your job. (Some "show moms" can be very demanding on the subject of winning... it's easy to forget that there are a lot of people in it just so their kids can have fun).

Sounds like your trainer needs to evaluate how to bring the fun back into this for HER, so she doesn't ruin everyone else's experience.
 
#18 ·
So, I just had a riding lesson since the show, which maybe wasn't such a good idea because everything was so FRESH.

I took my little Arab, Knight, up to lessons just to give Rusty some time off after such an exhausting show. Knight is 18, pretty out of shape, and doesn't have much jumping experience. I just want him to gain enough experience doing different things so that my niece can be comfortable on him. I thought, what the heck, I'll give this a whirl.

The lesson was not fun for me. I don't know if I'm still in the pattern of the show where I'm taking criticism too personally and don't just get over it or what. That's always been a bit of an issue with me, by the way, but I feel I've gotten better at it - until maybe now. I almost cried at the show because I felt my body could not comply with what my instructor wanted and she kept pushing. I felt the same way in my lesson, except maybe that my horse couldn't comply.

To start off, I walked him over all the ground poles as a warm up, without the instructor. The flowers by the jumps were a little scary, as well as some other things around the arena. Didn't really faze me, even though I'm used to my steady-eddy Rusty. Then my instructor came in, and she had us trot. Knight went well for a while, but then my instructor wanted me to get him moving forward from my legs and wanted him on the bit. She kept getting after me to use more leg, and I was really trying, but Knight wasn't complying. Maybe I totally need more leg, but I was literally squeezing with about as much effort as I could muster - my legs felt like jello again, and the temperature outside wasn't hot at all! Anyway, I wasn't really sure that we should be trying to get Knight on the bit and everything perfect at one lesson where he's not been ridden in quite a while and isn't in shape at all.

When we cantered, Knight didn't want to move out, I assume because he was tired - usually he moves out nicely. He did try to buck me on a few corners, which is normal (he doesn't really buck so much as hop...). I feel most comfortable in a full seat with him, the three point is harder for me...my instructor told me to use three point because that's "how he was taught to go". I really don't think so. He was HUS at local shows beforehand, and most local HUS around here is in a full seat.

Knight is definitely not a jumping horse...he can jump, but not well. I just want him to jump small jumps on a course safely for my niece. My instructor kept getting after me to speed Knight up over a fence that he kept looking at weirdly because it had flowers under it, so he trotted it. I thought getting over it would be enough. And then she was frustrated because she wanted me to three point but then I didn't sit back enough. Ugh. Okay. I think I was more upset there because I can never seem to ride right. I have been taking lessons for a year and been serious about it. You'd think there'd be more progress in me, not just in my horse.

Anyway, she was telling me how Knight is a prize and how we just have to get him undead to my leg. Oh, I almost forgot - she wanted him to do shoulder-ins and shoulder-outs, which I'm pretty sure he's never done before. And then she got frustrated because I couldn't get him to do them right away after he started doing them. Plus, I'm not used to riding him and he's a little greener in this field than my Rusty is. He was confused, and she was getting upset because I couldn't get him to get it right away.

I don't know how I'm feeling. I pulled out of the Aug 25th show just because I don't think I can take another show this soon. I know, as a person, I thrive off encouragement and compliments, and while I know that criticism is normal, too much pressure of it gets to me. Again, something I'm trying to work on. But what do you think about my instructor? Am I just being totally off the wall? I'm pretty much stuck there though because she's the only English instructor around here. Although if I knew more about showing and riding and was more confident in what I was doing, and was just a better rider, I might be tempted to go without a trainer to shows. I felt the whole weekend like it would be way less pressure. And I sometimes feel like I solve our problems better by ourselves.


Thanks everyone for your two cents. Now can you add a few more? I'm just really down on my riding right now. :/ Maybe I'll post a critique later in the critique section to see if you guys can help me find out why I'm doing like everything wrong.
 
#19 ·
If you felt like your body couldn't comply with your instructor's wishes, then I think she is pushing you too far, too fast.

You shouldn't feel like you're about to cry like this. I understand having a tough instructor but there's no need to torture yourself, whether or not you think you are "too sensitive".

I think she is expecting things out of you and your horse/s that you just aren't ready to do yet. From the sounds of it, it sounds like you need a lot of practice on the flat and over smallish courses- just stuff to build up your fitness level and confidence.

I don't think you're totally off the wall. Some people might tell you to suck it up, that you have to deal with things like this if you want to do well in the sport. I think that you should, for the most part, have fun and enjoy what you're doing, and not feel like you're doing something you're totally unprepared for or feel like you physically can't do.

If there's not been a lot of progress from you and you've been taking lessons for a year, I think there's something wrong with the picture.

I think that you should try going to a show by yourself or with riding buddies who are supportive. I think that you might have a lot more fun that way.

I also think you should maybe see if there is ANY other English instructors near you. There might be some you haven't noticed before.
 
#20 ·
Cinder, I appreciate the advice. :) I checked once again, and there's no other English instructors. I live in a place dominated by western riding, and even then riding stables are scarce. The only good news is that I'm probably relocating in a year for college (I'm at comm. college right now), so maybe I can find something there.

Here's how I feel I've progressed in the last year:
-I'm more stable in my position. At first, my legs would swing and stuff like that, but now I don't really have that problem unless I get extremely tired.

-I'm more confident in my jumping. I went from jumping 2 foot courses up to a 3 foot course.

Things that have not gotten better:
-My two point. It still is bad. I have a tendency to roach my shoulders, overdo my two-point, give too much or not enough release, can't sit up fast enough after the jump, and lose my leg. It hasn't improved at all I feel like.

-My cantering seat - Still don't get how to move my elbows but not my arms and my body to follow the horse's motion, and I still don't know how much seat to set in the saddle.

-My leads - I still can't tell my leads very well. Gotten a bit better, but not much.

-Sitting back in a turn - Just can't seem to wrap my mind around doing it.

This is how my horse has improved:

-Head up - He would literally put all his head weight into my hands and lean at the canter. We put him in a pelham and he no longer does this.

-Jumps - Went from ducking out at 2 foot jumps to happily jumping 3 foot courses and all sorts of weird things.

-Agility - Can take sharper turns

What hasn't improved:

-Our leads. He still does not pick up his right lead very accurately.

Sigh...this past week, I really haven't had any desire to train at all, just to maybe hop on Rusty and take a jaunt down the road. Maybe I should put up videos of now and a year ago to see what you guys think about my progress?

I just don't really know what to do here or how I should feel.
 
#21 · (Edited)
While I initially didn't like your instructor by how she was coaching you at that last lesson, what really bothered me was that you brought an "out of shape" horse to a jumping lesson? That wasn't really fair to Knight IMOP and no wonder you had problems. Did your trainer KNOW that Knight was out of shape and not this wonder horse? Because if she didn't, then I suspect if she knew the lesson would have been different.

I'm not scolding you, just wondering why you would put that much pressure to be perfect on Knight when what he really needed was a conditioning ride IMOP regardless of his age but just the fact he hadn't been ridden in awhile.

Also it sounds like you need to work on your legs on but also OFF the horse. A few sets of proper squats would help you a lot, as would toe lifts on the bottom of a stair. And if you have an exercise ball, doing thigh presses with it between your knees would also help.

That's to combat the endurance part of you not having energy. NOT about the horse ignoring your leg.

The horse ignored your leg because he didn't have motivation to listen and thought "oh I'm not being corrected for giving a half *** response" so IMOP you needed to really get after him. I would have carried a crop; sometimes just holding it is the motivation the horse needs. Or if you move your legs back an inch and gently squeeze, that is called "breezing" your legs and the horse is slightly more sensitive back there. Or last resort is over and under smack on their shoulder for ignoring your leg.

But as he was out of shape, again.. I wouldn't have brought him to a full blown lesson without doing some conditioning rides first to bring him back into work.

As for you getting tired, maybe you need to start listening to your body. Don't pick out your riding flaws.. those get better with time and with focus. But the big one is you tire easily. You need to be aware of that; you cannot do anything well when your body is exhausted. So start winding down some days when your body feels tired, and pushing a little further when you start to get tired to increase your 'threshold/capacity" before you begin to feel tired. <---- All of that is called, conditioning. Both YOU and YOUR HORSE need it.

But again, this is advice not commands. You decide what to do with it.
 
#22 ·
I didn't read every response, but I can tell you that our entire first YEAR of showing felt a lot like this. Everything felt rushed, nobody knew quite what was expected, and as the person in charge, I'd say one thing once, and then change it on the poor kids (bad on me, I know). The second year was MUCH better, and now, in our third year, shows are easy. I mean downright EASY.

One thing I noticed in your original post is that you said your trainer said your fitness had improved, and yet by the end of the day, you were worn out. Try to keep in mind that a lesson is about as long as 2-3 classes. So the fact that you're in good enough shape for a lesson, does NOT mean you're in good enough shape to ride 6 classes in a day without getting tired. If its possible, try riding twice a day for maybe 3 days a week, so you're putting in that extra time before hand, and getting used to it. Another idea is to go for a long trail ride where you work on your position, your half passes, yields, etc etc. during the ride. An average (for us) 3 hour trail ride will approximate the amount of time you'd spend in the saddle on a show day, and if you ride correctly for the entire ride, you'll have a pretty good idea of how you're going to hold up when every muscle movement counts.

Another thing that might help you is to keep in mind that your trainer is human, and possibly even more stressed than you are. The 'smile and nod' strategy works wonders. When she says something that seems snippy, no matter how much you want to snap back (or cry, depending on your personality), just smile, nod, and say ok. The show is never the place to discuss things, so keep a mental list (as you did) and possibly a paper list of things that didn't work for you at the show, and things that bothered you. After you've all had a week or so of normalcy, approach the trainer and ask her how you can do better in these situations. Explain that she seemed upset with you, and you don't want to cause her stress, and ask her advice. (This doesn't mean I think you were wrong, because from what you've said, I certainly don't, but it does mean that if you think your trainer is a good trainer who has helped you, you owe them respect in your dealings, even when they're wrong.) I know that as the person in charge of our club for shows, if somebody explains what happened and asks how they can do better, it often lets me see that I was wrong, without feeling attacked.

Once you know exactly how long it takes you to tack up and get ready to warm up, talk to your trainer BEFORE the show, and say something along these lines: "It takes me x minutes to tack up and be ready to warm up. If my class starts at 4 p.m., what time would you want me in the warm up, so I can know what time to begin to groom and tack?" Make sure you take a notebook with you when you ask the question, and when she answers, write it down, thank her, and assure her that you'll be ready on time. If the other riders who ride for her are your friends, talk to them about doing the same thing, so the trainer isn't stressed about everybody being ready in time, because everybody knows just when she'll want them, knows how long it will take them to get ready, and has written it down so they won't forget.

The first few shows are always stressful, but they do get easier. Having fun should be less about whether everything goes just the way you expect, (or the way your trainer expected) and more about knowing you and your horse are doing your absolute best! If after a few (several) shows, things aren't getting easier and you still feel stressed, try either finding a different trainer, or going without one, if you can.

One last thing, just because your horse has a naturally willing nature, and its possible that anybody could have taught him to jump, doesn't mean anything. Nobody but you taught the horse to jump. You should be very proud of yourself AND him. You did a great thing, regardless of what anybody else could have done. Don't go doubting yourself now!!
 
#23 ·
Ahh okay, I have a little bit of explaining to do.

I brought Knight to a lesson just to get him a workout. I wasn't planning on having a total perfectionist lesson for him. I just wanted to work more on me and let him get some exercise. I hadn't planned on any hardcore jumping, just some simple x's where I could practice my position. I told my trainer he was out of shape, and he looks out of shape, so I was wishing, mid-lesson, that I hadn't brought him. A lot of girls bring up their horses sometimes that just need to get moving, so I thought it would be a good thing for Knight - I thought we'd do a lot of basic trotting, a little bit of cantering, and a little bit of jumping. I thought wrong. I just wanted to point out that I wasn't trying to throw him into something he couldn't do, I just didn't know our trainer would work him that hard.

Okay, with Knight, I totally understood him ignoring my leg. I'm in no way blaming him because I know he was getting asked too much (again, didn't know my trainer would make the lesson that intense or I wouldn't have brought him - my bad for not knowing), and I know he was tired.

With Rusty, he probably needs to be in better shape too. I did carry a crop and smack him with it when he got lazy, and while usually I don't even need a crop, and if I carry one, he gets way motivated, nothing inspired him at the show to speed up. 100 degree weather...yeah, I can see why. Also, the breezing technique I tried, and it was working, but then my trainer told me not to do that because I'd lose my stirrup and your squeezing/kicks are supposed to be right at the girth. So ditto on that.

All I can say is that I need to start running or doing something else that requires stamina and working with my thighs and legs. I heard bicycling was a good one to do, since I hate running but wouldn't mind bicycling too much. Any other cross training ideas?

Calicokatt - I have half of the smile and nod. The nod. Lol it's hard to smile when you want to burst into tears! :) I'd never get snippy back at my trainer, but I do wish she wasn't so snippy in the first place. Oh, well, people are people. I will try your ideas, and will try another show. I was really wishing I had known that six classes a day took a lot more fitness. I would have tried to be better prepared then. The writing down responses is a really good idea, by the way. And I think most of us felt a little uncomfortable about our trainer being snippy. But again, heat can do weird things to people!

I guess I have a lot to be proud of, don't I? Rusty jumped, he behaved, he was better behaved than most of the lesson horses... I just wish my own riding could live up to the way he acts!
 
#24 ·
I had to double check to see if you lived in our area, as your coach sounds like my old coach and how she treated the "newby's" to the show scene.

Do you pay this person to coach you... the answer is likely yes.... would you pay anyone else to treat you like this, if it wasn't horse related... nope... are your goals the Olympics or a National Circuit Champion? If not then your coach needs to appreciate that you are there to have fun, and if your lucky win some ribbons.

If you don't have the ability to change coaches, or want to give her another chance then I would talk to her... find out what her opinion of the perfect student is at a show... how would that look to her? Can you be that person?

The coach that I have since left, was a great show coach for those that only used her for "coaching". We knew when our classes were, we don't wait to have her tell us when to mount, when to get ready, when to warm up, when to get dressed.... we only tell her hey my class is in the next so many minutes, can you meet me in the warm up ring, and then she would go to the ring side when it was our turn in the class.

The people that hadn't been to a show before, and needed a bit more hand holding lets say (and I don't mean that in a mean way, they were just very unsure of what to do and when) she treated them MUCH like your coach treated you. In the end I don't think she was suitable for coaching an inexperienced show rider, at least at shows.

The number of classes you ended seemed very high, specially for such a hot day.. again not necessarily your fault, as you didn't know better and you didn't sign up. But again this is an opportunity for you to take control of the situation and next time, you fill out your own entry forms. Your coach can file them all together if tha'ts what she likes to do - but you control what your going to enter.

I wouldn't give up yet, you've got some great advice by some posters here... I would say learn from this experience, take charge of yourself - prepare yourself - and talk to your coach prior to the next show, find out what her expectations are from you, and be clear as to what your expectations are for her.

Good luck, and hopefully the next one will be better for you. And if you find your coach is not changing, and predominately the reason for your stress - then you have your answer. If things go well, and you still aren't having fun, then maybe this isn't the level of shows that you should be focusing on. Hopefully you will find your happy place within the show ring!
 
#25 ·
Okay, I hate to dredge this all up again, and I'm really starting to think that I cry way too easily.

Rusty and I had our first lesson since the show. I told my trainer I'd like to start doing some dressage work, just for something new, and I thought it would be beneficial to Rusty. It was an absolute disaster lesson.

First, she wanted me to get him on the bit and hold him there because his nose tends to come up as soon as I stop pulsing on the reins. So she wanted me to hold his nose in. Rusty's pace got slower and slower, and he got very heavy on the reins. I think he was really confused - but I don't really know.

Next, we worked on half passing (I think) back and forth between poles. Complete disaster. Rusty is pretty good at shoulder-ins and shoulder-outs, but this was...not fun. My trainer told me to kick him really hard to get him to go sideways. It worked sometimes, but then he started slowing down a lot again because I was supposed to have him on the bit. And he got heavy. And he started careening around corners. Everything fell apart, and it felt like my instructor was just asking me to pick a fight with my horse by kicking him so much - and I definitely don't want him to get dead to my legs.

For cantering, we worked on simple lead changes. I guess I'm not supposed to sit full seat at the canter - EVER - so I'm supposed to do three-point, but I'm not even sure really how to sit. I'm sure it looks awkward. And apparently my body moves with Rusty and not my elbows, but when I move my elbows to follow his mouth, it feels like a lot of unnecessary movement. But that's a complaint about ME. Anyway, he was supposed to be on the bit at all times, and he was really stubborn about walking straight and picking up the canter. And he got very heavy again. Basically, he just got worse and worse as the lesson went on.

I usually ride Rusty on a "hunter-y" type rein - looser. He's pretty responsive to my leg, although when he gets tired, he doesn't listen as well. He's pretty willing and I don't pick fights with him.

Sigh...since the show, I have had no desire to ride at all. I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong (read my new thread on my horrid jump position), and I can't ride well at all. Rusty's an awesome horse, and what I said about him isn't a complaint. I know he gets stubborn when he gets kicked. I just...sigh...feel so out of sorts with all this, I just want to cry. I like jumping itself and arena work, and I feel so happy seeing how my horse did at our show, but I'm not liking any of it right now. I don't like admitting this, but I thought about cancelling my lesson today, and I just sort of dreaded it.

Andd...my trainer told me today that I did well at the show and that she thinks I need to go up in fence height - I was doing 2'3 and 2'6, and now she wants me to do 2'9 and 3'. So many mixed messages....
 
#26 · (Edited by Moderator)
Do you ever do bareback rides? My seat has improved tremendously by doing so because I can feel how the horse naturally moves under me. I take what I've learned there and try to transpose it into my riding.

I do weave races for a show, and when I first startedpracticing for it, leaning back was unnatural for me a while, too. However, I patterned myself, started at a walk and graduated from there. if you are able outside of a lesson, why not work on moving a horse on and off tye rail and do circle bending exercises to strengthen up those legs? It'll hurt after a while, but be totally worth it.

Also, again, if you are able, why not go out for a pleasure ride to rekindle high spirits and get the fun back into riding? For me, after practicing for months for a five weekend show, I was pretty burnt out too until I jyst got out and rode for the hell off it. I did it for me, by myself, to relax and have fun. I didn't worry about things I had to work on or anything. Just rode.
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