I've really just got to get this all out, maybe some of you will have ideas for me that are different than the ones I have.
I'm currently a sophomore at a university in the US. Previously a biomedical science major, hoping to go to vet school until a little over a month ago realized that it's not what I want to do, so I switched over to equine science. I can't describe how burnt out I am right now. It's a struggle to even get out of bed. I just want to curl up and sleep all day, every day. The only thing that gets me going is knowing that I have to go see Willie. I've never ever felt like this before. I know that I want to pursue a professional eventing career. It sounds corny when I say it out loud to myself, but I know it's what I really want to do with my life. To get myself back onto that track I've been contacting upper level riders and trainers localized on the east coast about working student jobs and today I had a phone interview that went absolutely incredibly well. The rider is based at her own small farm in Maryland, within 2 hours of almost 15 different events and schooling places. If I went to work for her I'd have a room for myself I'd be working off that includes meals, internet, etc. and I'd be working off full board for Willie (whom I'd probably end up selling when he gets back into good shape). From January - April we'd be down in Aiken for the winter "season", and there I'd have to cover about half my own board which would end up being around $550. That's pretty much the only thing I wouldn't be working off, other than vet/farrier bills. Of course the whole idea of a working student is to also work off lessons/training which is also a part of it, as well as helping with barn chores and exercising other horses that she needs ridden/lunged, especially when she's away.
It's basically exactly what I'm looking for. The only problem is money. My parents recently went through a nasty divorce, I'm already in out of state school (though I'd take a year off to do this) and I have two younger sisters in private school at home. My mom said she wouldn't tell me I couldn't go, but that she wouldn't be supporting me at all. This is an issue. I've been unable to get a job this past year. I can honestly say I've probably walked into nearly every single store I could find that said they were hiring, and even some that weren't hiring. I could probably fill out applications blindfolded and I've memorized all my references' phone numbers because I've written them down so many times. At this point if I did get a job, which I am still trying to do, I would only be there 3 months at the very most before leaving. If I get asked how long I plan on staying I doubt I'd get hired if I said 3 months. I also wouldn't be covered on my mom's health insurance if I left, though this would count as credit for my degree since we need an internship. I'm going to discuss this with my dad as well, but we haven't been on the best of terms so I don't think that will work out well.
To top it off, I'm stuck in a lease on my apartment. I can put my name down for them to find someone to re-let (take over) my lease, but it's the middle of the school year, so I don't think I'll be able to find someone in a decent amount of time, which also worries me. So I'd be stuck paying $409 a month for this apartment I wouldn't even be living in anymore. I also would have to find a way to pay to ship Willie out there, which would cost around $1200 or so. Give or take, depending on the shipping company.
I'm incredibly discouraged right now, but this isn't an opportunity I want to give up and I don't know how much longer I can take being where I am now. I'm not happy here, I'm not pursuing what I want to do with my life, and I feel like the education I'm getting is wasted. \
Adding everything up it feels like such a monumental task that I've got in front of me, and it sounds like something completely irrational that I shouldn't even bother doing and it makes me sound like I haven't bothered trying to plan anything out. I'm almost considering trying to sell Willie where I'm at right now. I could /maybe/ get $2500, barely 1/4 what I got him for, but then I wouldn't have to worry about farrier, board in Aiken, or shipping him up there. At this point I'm afraid that might be my best plan, but I can't help but want to be picky about who to sell him to. He's 14-ish, but he's still got a lot left in him. I don't want to sell him to someone who will just end up getting rid of him in a few months. This is the horse I swore to myself I'd never sell, even if the only way I could pay his board was to live in a box, if I sell him now I'm afraid that I'd have to settle for someone less that what I would feel comfortable selling him to normally. I don't know if I could do that to him.
It's just...frustrating. All of it. And I'm moving along with some ideas on my own, but I feel completely alone in all of it, save for my boyfriend who is trying to be as supportive and understanding as he can.
"Always be yourself. Unless you can be a unicorn. Then, always be a unicorn."