Ooh, my turn!
Running around the field when I come to catch you is not very beneficial. In fact, it will only result in both of us being tired, me being grumpy, and you doing a rather lot of "catching work" for the next week.
As much as you enjoy going fast, you need to know that I do not appreciate it when you take off at 100 miles an hour and only stop when you want to, despite my many "whoa's" and half - halts. It is terrifying and rather annoying.
I must also insist that you stop attempting to nip my butt every single time I touch the girth. I'm tired of bruises and I'm sure you are tired of the smacks
You must have seen by now that the girth will not harm you, nor will it cut off your air supply... I check it very carefully, and believe me, you can still breathe.
I can assure you whole heartedly, my funny little mare, that the clump off grass we ride past every single week
has not suddenly sprouted teeth, and will NOT grab your leg as we trot past. If you are unsure about this, please go talk to Love Story, she trots past it too...
When we jump, while I am delighted you enjoy it so much, I must insist that you listen to me. I promise you that the 50cm triple bar is not going to eat you as you go by, neither will our trainer, so I ask that you stop spooking as we near them both. Could you also please NOT jump 60cm's as if they are 90cm, and visa versa? It would really help our progress, my nerves, and your legs...
Thank you my awesome monkey mare, I do love you!
The Person Who Puts Up With You
How was that?