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Am I being too picky?

This is a discussion on Am I being too picky? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        08-18-2013, 10:20 PM
      #11
    Green Broke
    The only true way to keep your feelings safe is not to get into a relationship. Even if someone loves you, it doesn't guarantee he/she won't hurt you.

    That being said, you barely know the guy and he barely knows you. Keep your expectations reasonable and realistic. You wouldn't expect a horse with three days under saddle to be ready to go foxhunting, would you?
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        08-18-2013, 10:24 PM
      #12
    Weanling
    You are right DA, I will just take it one day at a time. I am bad about rushing decisions, I will keep an open mind
         
        08-18-2013, 10:42 PM
      #13
    Trained
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TimWhit91    
    You are right DA, I will just take it one day at a time. I am bad about rushing decisions, I will keep an open mind
    Just remember, you don't have to settle for anything or anyone. Not saying you are, but if the best thought you have is, "Well, he's not as bad as........", then you should move on. But if the WORST thought you have is, "Well, I'm not crazy about the goatee.", then tell him to get rid of it and see what happens. If he's willing to get rid of it, then ...........well..........maybe......

    And then again he could be like my hubby who periodically decides it's worth it to look like a bum and get nothing but dirty looks for a while. It'll be 22 years in Nov...could be worse!
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
         
        08-18-2013, 10:50 PM
      #14
    Weanling
    You need to push all of your preconceived notions about what you thought you wanted, and what you thought you would find out of the picture, and you need to look at him as a man.

    Is he a good man? Is he an honest man? Will he be good to you? Is he someone you can fall in love with?

    That is what you need to ask yourself.

    I will tell you this being a vet myself, a lot of vets can get a bit clingy, that is because a lot of us have been to hell and back, some even further. When you have been through that when you have been treated by our government like they are expendable, it shouldn't be any shock that many of them just want to matter to someone, that they want to be loved by someone.

    This is especially true for those who have PTSD, this is because the best weapon against it is love.
    gunslinger and demonwolfmoon like this.
         
        08-18-2013, 11:04 PM
      #15
    Weanling
    Thank you BigNick. Those are things I need to find out.I can already tell he is a good person. He is very sweet and respectful. I figured the clingyness was a combination of the PTSD and being a little nervous. I am seeing him again tomorrow. Hopefully we will both be more comfortable around each other.
         
        08-19-2013, 03:47 AM
      #16
    Banned
    The clingy issue is valid.

    The appearance issue is not. If I were to talk about who is hot to me, it would be some fantastic muscled body - but then I dated a bunch of them, and they grunted when you asked them a question. Unless the question was what's their name, they were too stupid to know the answer. I am old enough, that this was fun for a while, and then I wanted something more in my life.

    My husband is quite round, I don't care one bit. In fact last night at a kids football game he was more comfortable to stand and lean into than the metal seats were. LOL.

    At some point in your life, how someone looks will become the least important part of the equation.
    Speed Racer and toto like this.
         
        08-19-2013, 04:47 AM
      #17
    Yearling
    Once upon a time I was a shallow witch who had a checklist....for appearance...that my dates must fit.
    They had to be dark haired, between 5'10 and 6' tall, weighing between 155-180 pounds, and good looking. I have no idea how I got dates...I was never EVER single. I guess I clean up well when Im skinny!
    I dated a few that didnt fit my checklist, but not many.

    Notice anything missing? How about personality? ;)
    Because of this, I screwed up a good relationship with a faithful guy who now has his masters, for a handsome trainwreck who abused me physically and mentally, had sex with DISCOUNT foreign prostitutes, and basically destroyed my life, and continues to try to do so 12 years later.

    Once I realized friendship is key and stopped LOOKING, I found my husband, who ironically, I hated intensely in High School. And don't get me wrong, I still hate him sometimes, but what we have works. ;) I think when we are teens, early 20s, we waste so much time worrying about relationships, and a lot of people end up square peg, round hole. RELAX. HAVE FUN. GET TO KNOW THE GUY.

    HE is not just a guy, he is a Person too, if that makes sense? Don't be like me and date hot losers who lie...date someone who would make an awesome friend and let it go from there. And stop freaking out so much!
         
        08-19-2013, 04:53 AM
      #18
    Green Broke
    Don't discount the nice guy ;)

    You don't have to run in to it, just enjoy yourself. Just relax, see him a few times and I am sure you will relax and he will too. I prefer a man who is more self confident than I am, but with that comes the huge ego LOL.

    I wouldn't mention anything appearence wise until you think you have something going; he may have something in return to say.

    I would try it, if not there are always going to be other people out there!

    ETA: A good male friend of mine said that girls should just date fat balding guys anyway. After a certain age, most males couldn't give two hoots about appearence once they have hooked a girl. So although being a girl that also favours clean cut guys (must be a military thing!) you just need to housetrain him if it works out!
         
        08-19-2013, 11:32 AM
      #19
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by demonwolfmoon    
    Once upon a time I was a shallow witch who had a checklist....for appearance...that my dates must fit.
    They had to be dark haired, between 5'10 and 6' tall, weighing between 155-180 pounds, and good looking. I have no idea how I got dates...I was never EVER single. I guess I clean up well when Im skinny!
    I dated a few that didnt fit my checklist, but not many.

    Notice anything missing? How about personality? ;)
    Because of this, I screwed up a good relationship with a faithful guy who now has his masters, for a handsome trainwreck who abused me physically and mentally, had sex with DISCOUNT foreign prostitutes, and basically destroyed my life, and continues to try to do so 12 years later.

    Once I realized friendship is key and stopped LOOKING, I found my husband, who ironically, I hated intensely in High School. And don't get me wrong, I still hate him sometimes, but what we have works. ;) I think when we are teens, early 20s, we waste so much time worrying about relationships, and a lot of people end up square peg, round hole. RELAX. HAVE FUN. GET TO KNOW THE GUY.

    HE is not just a guy, he is a Person too, if that makes sense? Don't be like me and date hot losers who lie...date someone who would make an awesome friend and let it go from there. And stop freaking out so much!

    SO has a friend that constantly complains about not being able to find anything but a**holes and jerks. Of course if the guy isn't one of those two she wont go out with him to begin with...
    demonwolfmoon likes this.
         
        08-19-2013, 11:45 AM
      #20
    Trained
    I can relate to the "hot jerks" fan club! When I was a younger gal, skinny and not too rough on the eyes, I had a checklist too. Had to be tall, none of those short guys (under 6 ft fah crine out loud!), didn't care hair & eyes but had to be clean shaven, extremely fit and athletic and enjoy EVERYTHING outdoors. Snow Skiing, Water skiing, Horseback riding, Hiking, Swimming, and then PARTAY like there was no tomorrow and dance til he dropped. Oh yea, no drugs, no lies, no abuse, and utterly devoted to me. I had no use for anyone but THE Mr. Right.

    I sat at home a LOT of nights. Until I figured out that I was in no way looking to get married, I just wanted fun, and understood the concept of Mr. Right Now. Then I started having fun. Eventually, I met a guy who golfs (I HATE golf) and is very cerebral and logical. He's about 6 ft, mostly clean shaven and absolutely doesn't meet any of the other criteria, except he has learned to love the horses after 20 some odd years and is learning to ride. When we first met, he didn't know which end the hay went in and didn't care. We've been married 22 years in Nov and I can't imagine being married to one of the other Hot Jerks who got up and kissed themselves in the mirror every morning.

    The point of this whole ramble is, give him and lots of other guys a good go round and enjoy them all for what they are. When I say that, I don't mean you have to sleep with all or any of them, just go on a date and have fun.
    demonwolfmoon likes this.
         

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