Am I overly posessive?
 
 

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Am I overly posessive?

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  • Overly posessive mom

 
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    03-27-2010, 10:05 PM
  #1
Yearling
Am I overly posessive?

My cousin is staying with us.. She's... mid twenties? I don't know her exact age... 24-26 I know.. Long story, and I'm not getting into it.

But she's getting into my stuff. I don't like it. These are things I work and pay for, and I'm being nice and letting her use it - but I still just don't like it.

My straightener, my nail polish, my hair dryer - she asked to use those, but helped herself to my tarot cards this evening. I have to share a room with her. She just wanted to borrow some of my clothes, and I told her absolutely not. She wanted to give my cell number to her friends, and I told her that it will, by no means, be happening.

Mom was like "She can help you bring horses in" ... I don't WANT help doing that. That is THE only alone time I get anymore, and that is my zen time. I don't need someone bxtching about their crap while I'm 'meditating'. I've told her in order to get saddle time, she better be out cleaning stalls. She hasn't done it. It's going to take more then leading ponies around to do that.

Not to mention the endless drama she keeps me informed on. I really couldn't care less about the tales of her 'friends' and her current MySpace drama crap.

It's been a week. I want to slam my face into a brick wall already. I'm just so happy I'll be working at a barn soon. Then I can pay her to take me to shows or barter it off, and I won't have to worry about extra baggage.

I really honestly think my mom made a mistake bringing her up here. I think I made a mistake saying yes, that I was fine with it. -sigh-


Sorry for the novel, guys. I've got a lot on my mind and no one to spill it out to.
     
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    03-27-2010, 10:22 PM
  #2
Yearling
I don't think you are being overly possessive, I am like this, and people need to understand to respect you're boundaries and you're space.
There are certain things that she needs to accept she shouldn't do, she is a guest in you're house.

Personally I would tell her to lay off already lol.
     
    03-27-2010, 11:01 PM
  #3
Showing
Ugh....no, I don't think you're being overly posessive. As for Mom having made a mistake in bringing her to your place, you really can't answer that unless you know why she brought her there haha so I'm not going to address that. But how old are you vs. her? If you're what she considers "trendy" she might be trying to live up to what you are and do. About the picking-stalls-for-saddle-time, absolutely do not let her butt up in a saddle until she has picked some stalls! That's what I hate about my nine-year old sister....if I have a sleepover one night, I'll come home to her bragging that my mom led her around on my horse and it really infuriates me because I'm the one who does all the work for my horses! Anyway....try talking to mom to see if maybe she can lend her a hair straightener when she needs one instead of your cousin sucking everything off of you ;)
     
    03-28-2010, 12:25 AM
  #4
Yearling
Here's the TV Guide version:
Cousin = Knocked up at 17 = Three Kids and a crappy husband = inability to take responsibility of her own life = general white trash America = wanting to 'change' = her ending up HERE.

It's not the first cousin my mom has taken in, and last time it didn't end up well.

I do have my dad on my side at least - which shocked the heck out of me. He told me "If she 'Effs' with you - she's on the first train back to Florida."

I'm 20 years old, but I'm constantly told by older people that I am very mature for my age, and no one believes me when I tell them I'm 20.

And It's just wearing on me so much because my mom yells at me for not doing this and not doing that despite the fact that I wake up, take care of the horses, and I work every day of the week, I come home, train and work horses, clean stalls, and feed. Every Sunday I give a lesson, and the routine is the same - essentially, I work 6 days a week for money. Saturdays, I try to take it easy, but ya know, horses have to be taken care of still.

Yet, my cousin sleeps until 11, takes naps, smokes cigarettes (that she doesn't buy, my mom buys those), talks on the phone all **** day, and does nothing. And supposedly she's 'so tired'. And now they're talking about her kids coming up this summer? OH FRICKING H*** NO.

I don't want siblings, I don't want children... Like my dad said, Why do we have to keep paying for her screwed up family?

So I can't talk to my mom about it because she takes the cousin's side. Apparently, I'm spoiled rotten and lazy - which is how I've achieved all that I have.. Right. Thumbs up. I know I gripe a lot, but she's not the one with someone stuck up her butt all the time. And my mom wants me to pull strings so my cousin can get a job. Not doing it.

Mom can't lend her a straightener, she has like... super short hair and doesn't need one.

I've had roommates at internships, but none of them were lazy moochers. They were intelligent and engaging and we had similar interests.

And my room!!! My beautiful becoming room that I was designing, and chose the colors and bought the paint and the decor - it's no where near finished - but my second haven has become a prison. I didn't sleep on the couch for months getting the room done just so I could share it. If I wanted to share a room, I'd find myself and **** husband >8| At least I could make him go work, and I'd be getting something out of it (not just money, LOL crude humor).

I'm just between a rock and a hard place. Cowboy's gotta be sensing that something's off, because he's always super amazing when I'm having bad days, and he's just been spot on ever since I started mounting back up this year.

And no worries, Equiniphile - she's not stepping up until she does some mucking. Screw that! I never got that, and I'll be darned if anyone else does on MY horse! I was out picking stalls tonight and she comes out after I start leading horses in, wanting me to bring everything in for guitar hero. It's like "Uhm.... No. You're not dragging that in, and I have to get up in the morning so you're not going to be all rocking out while I'm trying to sleep!"

Even my manager and McDonalds noticed my mood was WAY off and asked wth was wrong. And can you believe it? I'm HAPPY to go to work!!!!!!!!!! I usually hate that place, but I'll take my co-workers over my family any day here lately. I even took a closing shift on a Saturday night. I'm desperate, apparently.

... Oops, I did it again! Dang it, sorry! I need a therapist that doesn't haven't four legs I guess! May call up a friend to go trail riding. I could use it.
     
    03-28-2010, 12:56 AM
  #5
Showing
Ouch. You're right, you shouldn't be paying for your cousin's poor choices. That's just wrong. She needs to get out in the real world and find a job to support herself and her family because her being a young mother with a crappy husband may not be ideal, but it's the life she's made for herself and she needs to find a way to fix it. Why doesn't she sleep on the couch?! (that's rhetorical) This is so frustrating and I'm not even the one living it. Where are her parents? Although I'm guessing if they raised a hellion like her they're not much of the supportive type....leave it all to someone else to do, right? If your one reprieve is the barn, make sure you set the standards. She can sleep in your room, live at your house, do whatever, but make sure she knows she's not going in the barn or giving out your number or borrowing your clothes....something like that. Your mom is just being a mom in trying to take care of the screwed-up cousin's life because "she has no one else to help her straighten her life out" and all that, I'm guessing.

PLEASE don't let yourself be called lazy....if you really believe you work hard (which most people who take care of horses single-handedly on their property are nowhere near lazy) don't let people push you around.
     
    03-28-2010, 08:38 AM
  #6
Super Moderator
I see your mom's way and that she wants to help your cousin, but that sounds a way which will finally turn a disservice. Sounds like a young lady would need some limits and someone to support her to bridle her own life now, instead of letting her to continue her indolent lifestyle.

Even tho it depends a bit of it where you cousin are coming from or what's her current condition. For example depression can turn one totally feeble. I'd also suggest you to consider that, even of course it's normal to defend your boundries. But I can't know her background and admit that if it's just laziness, well, I wouldn't stand it either.

You sound like all normal working young lady so don't let anyone to bring you down because of that.
     
    03-28-2010, 09:45 AM
  #7
Green Broke
Oh, bless you. There's a reason I live over 500 miles from my nearest family member.

I don't think you are overly possessive, and putting boundaries on her use of the things you have had to work and earn is only fair.

However, there are limits to what you have a say-so in, since you live at home. You may wish to have your room to yourself, but your room is still a part of your parent's home, no matter how much you spent decorating it, so ultimately they can dictate how it is utilized. If your parents gave you the money to buy nail polish, straighteners, etc, then you really aren't in a position to refuse to share, but if you bought them with money you earned yourself, you have a right to protect your investment. Also, you are both young now - there might come a time down the road where your life gets messed up, and your cousin has gotten hers together - where you might need to rely on HER help. It doesn't sound like this is something that would ever happen to you, but you can never be sure.

Don't burn your bridges. Though it's okay to put a gate across them :)
     
    03-28-2010, 01:07 PM
  #8
Yearling
Quote:
If your parents gave you the money to buy nail polish, straighteners, etc, then you really aren't in a position to refuse to share
I buy my own. Anything that is considered 'extra' I buy it. They give me the essentials, but the rest is up to me. Same for the horses! I have to buy all of their beauty supplies, lol! And I know that if it's me depending on my mother to haul me to shows (I drive a jeep and lack a trailer that I own, and mom's a blackmailing DEMON like that sometimes) that she's bound to tag along. I simply can't handle that.

Horses are my thing and my sanctuary. That's why I get so moody in the winter months. You see, I'm pretty sure I have Adult ADHD. I just took a quiz on PsychCentral, and I scored ridiculously high, and when I'm around horses... everything is quiet in my head. I don't mellow out any other time. I'm sure if half of you saw me sitting, you'd think I was a crack addict or something LOL! Always, always moving.
     
    03-29-2010, 12:19 AM
  #9
Banned
So she's in her late 20s and she acts like this? Hmm someone needs to get her head out of her butt and live in the real world. She messed up her life big time huh? I don't blame you for not wanting to share...
*cyberhugs*
     
    03-29-2010, 01:03 PM
  #10
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by PaintsPwn    
My cousin is staying with us.. She's... mid twenties? I don't know her exact age... 24-26 I know.. Long story, and I'm not getting into it.

But she's getting into my stuff. I don't like it. These are things I work and pay for, and I'm being nice and letting her use it - but I still just don't like it.

My straightener, my nail polish, my hair dryer - she asked to use those, but helped herself to my tarot cards this evening. I have to share a room with her. She just wanted to borrow some of my clothes, and I told her absolutely not. She wanted to give my cell number to her friends, and I told her that it will, by no means, be happening.

Mom was like "She can help you bring horses in" ... I don't WANT help doing that. That is THE only alone time I get anymore, and that is my zen time. I don't need someone bxtching about their crap while I'm 'meditating'. I've told her in order to get saddle time, she better be out cleaning stalls. She hasn't done it. It's going to take more then leading ponies around to do that.

Not to mention the endless drama she keeps me informed on. I really couldn't care less about the tales of her 'friends' and her current MySpace drama crap.

It's been a week. I want to slam my face into a brick wall already. I'm just so happy I'll be working at a barn soon. Then I can pay her to take me to shows or barter it off, and I won't have to worry about extra baggage.

I really honestly think my mom made a mistake bringing her up here. I think I made a mistake saying yes, that I was fine with it. -sigh-


Sorry for the novel, guys. I've got a lot on my mind and no one to spill it out to.
I don't even know what to say, other than I feel for you. I couldn't imagine having to share anything with anyone who just uses my stuff without doing anything in counter offer. How much longer is she staying around?
You shouldn't have to, but I would honestly start locking stuff up, or even leaving it in your vehicle so she can't grab this stuff. Have you sat down with her to let her know of the boundaries? She must be really enjoying this free ride. Just re-reading your post and it's making me mad.

Good luck with the situation.
     

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