Anxiety - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 12:22 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Anxiety

I've grown up living with anxiety, OCD, depression since I was very young. I remember being in early middle school and not being able to go to bed for 2 hours because I had to check the stove and oven to make sure they were off repeatedly. Had to check the doors time and time again to make sure they were lock. That is only one of the many things I obsessed over for most of my life.

The past year and a half I was able to sufficiently control my anxiety and OCD. To the point were I was able to function in society and actually enjoy life. It still came back to haunt me, but I actually was able to make my mind think differently which help me control it. I just told myself I didn't care anymore one day and then bam it happen. I was so proud of myself, and everyone was able to see improvements in my moods and could tell I wasn't panicking about small things.

Now back in January I had an event that pretty much changed my life to an extent. Since this incident has occurred my anxiety and OCD has been through the roof about a lot of different things. I almost failed a couple classes this semester in college due to my mind obsessing and obsessing. Who ever has OCD understands that they try to stop obsessing but the little thought keeps coming back in your head. I also started to become more anti-social, which a lot of my friends noticed me drawing away. I don't want to go back to the way I used to be. I need to do something about it, because for some reason this time around I can't control it. My sister also has anxiety and OCD and goes to the doctor for it, so I know how she takes care of it. But who else deals with anxiety?? How do you deal with it?

Chad Barnes 6-16-85~7-22-13
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post #2 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 01:43 AM
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My sympathy goes to you.
I do not understand OCD - I am just the opposite in thinking "What will be will be!"

Have you ever thought about hypnotism to help you find out why you have these problems?
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post #3 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 11:08 AM
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Find a good therapist and work with cognitive behavioral therapy.
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post #4 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 11:49 AM Thread Starter
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I will probably do that, it's just aggravating because I was able to change my way of thinking to an extent, and was just like whatever happens, happens. Then one incident completely messed me up again. Just for some reason I can't control it.

Chad Barnes 6-16-85~7-22-13
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post #5 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 11:59 AM
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I just deal with it-- For me its easier to be optimistic about things.. hard to do sometimes but it does work. I just try to forget i have OCD and pretend everyone else is the weirdos..

its like- the more you try to be 'normal' the worse it is anyway. I dont have a solution for repeatedly checking on things or worrying about things. I still fight with that one everyday-- most of the rituals i used to do when i was younger just frustrated to the point of me stopping on my own.

I get so flustered with myself because it takes me forever to do some things-- used to take me 10 minutes to open a door because i had to touch the doorknob with both hands an even number of times.. i have all kinds of other rituals.

I do also check the doorlocks-- I just quit lockin the door! Ive got big dogs and live in the country..

I hate it when people think OCD is a germaphobia or 'cleaning disorder' its NOT! it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders at all times and theres always pressure and stress to do something.. even when its nothing!

I think they prescribe somethin for anxiety-- ill have to try it.. id like to know what its like to not have the pressure anymore and not be worried all the time-- id like to know what it was like to not think im doing things wrong even when im not.. i dont know how you did it- but kudos.

Last edited by toto; 05-12-2013 at 12:03 PM.
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post #6 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 12:06 PM Thread Starter
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See for the past year and a half I was able to stop myself from doing my old rituals, I stopped caring about it but it took a lot. Then now its flaring up again and I just don't want to go back to living my life in fear and obsessing over everything. I can't do it again. I used to not have a lot of friends because of it, then I stopped caring about it and I started making a lot of friends. Now i'm withdrawing from even my best friends.

I'm talking to my parents and my older sister who has anxiety as well about seeking professional help before I go back to being completely the same way I was before. I just have noticed i'm getting worse and worse by the day again. And I broke down last night because this time around I can't shut my thoughts up. I guess i'll see how going to the doctor goes.

Chad Barnes 6-16-85~7-22-13
Hero Act - Thoroughbred Gelding ~ Gunner - Quarter Horse Gelding ~ John Deere - Mini Gelding
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post #7 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 12:22 PM
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Find a good therapist who has dealt extensively with OCD and anxiety. My particular problem is ADHD with a heaping side of depression. I started going to therapy and found a medication that works for me.

Don't be turned off by the idea of meds, even though there is a lot of stigma attached. You don't have to tell anyone that you are on them (except your regular doctor, of course). There is a lot of thought that medications are over-prescribed, which is true, but if/when you find what works for you, it makes a huge difference.

And therapy really helps with the anxiety and depression. Sometimes you just need help, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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post #8 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 12:27 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your reply! My sister is on medicine and has been for 10 years, it seems like it has helped her a lot and she does not abuse it. Now my brother does abuse his medication. But I'm not planning on abusing it at all, I just need extra help this time. I don't have time to sit and try to fix myself, I have college and work I need to do. And its to the point where my anxiety is getting in my way of my school work and work.

Chad Barnes 6-16-85~7-22-13
Hero Act - Thoroughbred Gelding ~ Gunner - Quarter Horse Gelding ~ John Deere - Mini Gelding
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post #9 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 12:57 PM
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Well hello, sister! I have OCD and anxiety (plus a couple phobias, Tourette's syndrome and ADHD).

My OCD is a little different than yours. I don't have many compulsions; only obsessions. I have obsessive, random, violent thoughts. For example, I randomly want to crash my car into trees, run people over, kill people with any sharp object I can see, kill or injure myself with random objects... I also sometimes have urges to do very... Unacceptable things.

My anxiety doesn't let me sleep. Sometimes, I worry for days. My record is three nights of no sleep. I'm terrified that someone is going to come into my house and kill me (so much so I sleep with a dagger next to my bed), kill my family, kill my dog. I'm always concerned about my horse; someone might knife her to death too. What if someone bombs my town? What if a nuclear device is set off and I'm cooking in radiation? What about that sound? Must of been a plane about to drop an explosive.

That car has followed me for three turns. Must be trying to kill me. I'm afraid to walk the streets around my house (or go to non-crowded places alone) because I don't want to get picked up my a serial killer.

Also, everyone is trying to poison me. If a drink gets out of my sight at any time, I'm not drinking it.

You know. Stuff like that.

I'm not medicated, because I have a family history of addiction (and I'm afraid the doctor is going to poison me.) I would probably abuse medication, and I can't have it in my house because of my family.

So what do I do? Suffer until I can find a better solution. Not a good option. Time to seek help.

It feels like my brain just never shuts off... It's hard to be so nervous all the time.

But here's something amusing. (Warning: language.)

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post #10 of 14 Old 05-12-2013, 08:18 PM
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I have OCD, as does my sister, as did my dad. I don't believe in handling it with drugs or counseling, but that is just me, so I deal with it through diet and exercise, although I do take a Benadryl, which is relatively innocuous, and a glass of hot or cold milk with Ovaltine every night which helps me to relax and clear my mind of whatever it is that is dominating my thoughts at the time. I exercise heavily just about every day, and eat a clean diet that promotes a stable sugar level. They don't eliminate the compulsive behavior, but they attenuate it greatly and make it far easier to manage. I don't have it as bad as my dad did or my sister - she is so bad she is barely functional, and takes medications for it. Mine manifests itself primarily in addictive behavior. Although not true addictions, I tend to get on "kicks" that dominate my life and thoughts while I am on them, which is annoying because I have such a wide variety of interests and like to engage in many different activities and research at a time, and of course the OCD tends to make one activity or research project at a time dominate...
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