Thanks everyone for replying.
I'm going to do some research online and see what I can find for a counselor. I'm just feeling discouraged about it, but I know that I need to just do it. If I don't like whoever I see I can always find someone else. I'm very hesitant because I had one counselor in the past, who I was under contract to see, who turned nasty and crazy and makes me not want to try anyone new. Then I was slighted by this last one and it really put me off the idea of seeing anyone, but I know that right now I need it.
I suppose I should also clarify a bit- for me, the anxiety attack is an all-encompassing entity, and though they are infrequent they are terrifying. When I have one I have to leave the area and go somewhere quiet and focus on getting back my breath lowering my heart rate. I'm also dealing with an elevated state of anxiety in general, with terrible nightmares and intrusive memories of my abuse.
In the past I've dealt with my problems with self-injury, however I've slowed that behaviour down to just once or twice per year, especially as I know that self-injury takes the brain to the highest state of anxiety- though it feels like a calm.
It doesn't help that I'm feeling my triggers ten-fold at the moment.
I don't particularly want to take medication for this, but would consider it if a counselor suggested it. I'd rather find someone I can confide in who can help me through this.
I know this is rambly, I apologize. I'm a bit frazzled right now.
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