Any Advice?
 
 

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Any Advice?

This is a discussion on Any Advice? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        07-03-2010, 02:36 AM
      #1
    Banned
    Unhappy Any Advice?

    I am going to give letters to some people to make this less confusing.
    M - my riding instructor
    C - other guy I know
    E - close friend of my riding instructor, works with C

    In the past 24 hours, C was told by E that M was going through a rough patch in his marriage and is filing for divorce. E told C not to spread the word. C told me this, and some of the reasons why but I don't feel I need to repeat that part here. C also told me not to tell anyone I know anything about this.


    A few months ago, I switched to M as my riding instructor. I have only been learning under him for a few months, but I greatly admire him as a person and as a horseman. I feel like he is more of a grandparent to me than any of my biological grandparents. Both sets of my grandparents are divorced and niether of those really bothered me when they happened. But I just can't stop thinking about M's divorce. And I get a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach thinking about it. I know I shouldn't tell him I know about it, even if he does tell me about it. And I'm not going to. But does anyone have any sugesstions or words to help put me at ease?
         
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        07-03-2010, 04:34 PM
      #2
    Super Moderator
    How you're feeling about his divorce? I mean, what's the thing that bothers you? Are you sorry for him? Feel there's something wrong with him when he has to divorce? Feel just bad that you know something 'that serious' about him without he knows that you know? Something else? I think that when you can define what that bad feeling actually is, even it helps you a lot.

    I'd still give you some opinion. There's nothing wrong in divorces. Sometimes two people just find they can't do it together and then it's better to split and go separate ways. It doesn't need to mean that there are bad guys or good guys. It doesn't mean your instructor (or his wife) are bad or unsuccessful as people. I also believe that it can feel bad when you meet a person who's going through something like that. It's hard situation to go through, but I'd advise you to meet a person like that just as any other person. He's all normal human being even he's undergoing a hard situation in his life just now. If the matter is that you know that without him knowing, I say that sometimes you get to know something about the person with who you've to do something. It happens every now and then and is ok when it happens, you needn't to tell the person what you know. It can be more upsetting to the person to know that you know 'without his permission' than let it be, the good piece of advice is that if it doesn't apply to you, don't interfere it more.

    Would it be possible to talk over that with somebody? Your parents? Leave the names out and tell how you feel. It usually gives you some view when you can talk about things that bother you with someone.
         
        07-03-2010, 08:14 PM
      #3
    Banned
    TaMMa89, thank you for your calming words.

    I guess I just feel like he shouldn't have to go through it. From what he's told me, and what I can gather; he has been divorced before. I know divorce is hard enough to do once, but twice seems almost cruel.
    He is really a great guy and has the respect of almost everybody he's met (besides the people he has arrested during his career). I really haven't met his wife; we have seen each other and said hello, but I don't know her personally.
    I don't want to point fingers at either of them. I know marriage is a two-way street, and there are some things both of them did that led to their decision to separate.
    My place in this is non-exsistant. I can't tell him I know, and more than likely, it would make him more upset if he knew I knew. All I can do for him is keep my head down and help him with his horses. I did decide to print a picture from my first show (he let me use his horses) and give it to him. It may not be much, but at least it will show him someone appreciates him and I feel like I have done something for him.
         
        07-03-2010, 08:41 PM
      #4
    Super Moderator
    The picture sounds like a good idea. Will really tell nothing about it what you know, but is still a kind of attention to him.
         

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