Any advice about troubled Roommates? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 5 Old 10-06-2013, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Any advice about troubled Roommates?

Okay so let me just start out by saying that I'm inept socially (antisocial some would say). I'm awkward to the millionth degree and I tend to say the wrong thing without meaning too. I need help for this situation!

I graduated from high school and am going to a college a couple of hours away from my parents house. Because of finances, determination, and social issues I could not room in a dorm but the opportunity came for me to buy a house. I went in half with my mom and she arranged it so that when it's paid off the deed will solely be in my name (not joint with hers). The main reason we did this was because even though I could make enough to pay the bills and support myself, I wanted a roommate to alleviate that stress. With luck I found an old friend (maybe use that lightly as we fell out of contact...) who was going to the same school but didn't want to live in a dorm. I spent about a year and a half getting to know her again and made the decision to make her my leasee.

In order to avoid confrontation between the both of us due to renter/tenant problems, I made my mom the landlord (due to her experience being one) and all finances from the both of us go through her. We also cut her a deal by charging the bare minimum to stay there (basically she pays half of everything) because she was just starting out. Everything went smoothly and peacefully; however, I got injured and couldn't attend the first semester or move up. So she moved up alone. (Just to get it out of the way: she asked if she could paint her room and we said yes, we let her bring a dog up for the first few weeks for company, and she does keep the house in good condition.)

Here's my conundrum:
I get the feeling now that she's under the impression that she owns the property (if that makes any sense). I went up there to visit a couple of days ago and it kinda confirmed my suspicions. I had the original 1950's glass door as the back door, her parents didn't feel that that was secure enough because of the glass paneling so they asked if they could put another door in. My mom gave them the go ahead so long as they put the old door in the shed (per my request). They did and that wasn't the problem, the problem is is that they also put a new lock on the door and didn't tell us (and the door they put on is the exact same door but new, but that's more ironic than anything else). So for a while we were sitting there waiting for her to bring us a key so we could make a copy. Frustrating, but not a big deal in my eyes. Then she told us that we needed to buy a new lawnmower because ours was broken. Well I went out to the shed to look at it (it's only 2 years old) and it's just a part that I can replace. Firstly however I'd have to get into the shed which has had a new lock put on it (a combination one when I had a padlock on and given her the key). Frustration number two but I got over it and got the combination from her. I told her I can fix the mower but the tool I needed was back in my hometown so me and my grandpa would come up and bring the part, fix the mower and check out the furnace (all with giving her notice before we come up). What really irked me off though was the fact that she looked at me and my mom and insisted that we buy a new mower. In short words I told her that that one was perfectly good, but if she wanted a new one she could buy one. Then she started in on how we should buy a new fridge/stove. Well true both are second hand, and not incredibly pretty to look at, but they work and are good for college students just starting out. She got pretty P.O'd when my mom said "no."

When I was up there the way she acted and talked was like.... I don't know, like I was never going to be her roommate, but HER tenant. In fact when we made the comment that I'd be moving up in December/January she became really downcast and said "Well..... I suppose the company will be okay". When we got ready to leave and I was saying my goodbyes she made remarks about how when I was moved in I should "leave the house whenever her boyfriend comes around" and I "should get a job to help her because that's 'her' rent". I honestly have no clue what she was talking about then because I still pay my half, and in case she hasn't noticed I'm also a renter and living there. I do believe I have a right to come and go as I please, or am I wrong? When I also said that most likely I'd be staying up there in the summer she just stared at me and said along the lines of "I think you should go home then because I'll be busy with my job and need my concentration". So me being in school then doesn't need concentration? Her lease doesn't even go into summer, she has to resign I different contract to stay (and is aware of this).

I'm trying to handle this in a mature way (and polite) so I need advice on how to do so. I don't want to move up there and be caught in a "I own the house" game because really in the grand scheme of things that's not important to me, I just don't want to be treated badly because I'm a 'tenant' in her mind or a 'hindrance'. I don't want conflict to be prevalent every day (I do realize there will be some). So I need guidance on how to handle this. Should I just wait and it'll eventually even out? Or should I just be blunt?
Whoo, if you read all that you get a gold star from me! If you reply you get an extra one!

Also: Even though I'm not up there yet her parents have been treating me like a babysitter AND the landlord (they refuse to talk to my mom for anything, even though I tell them: "You have to go through the landlord and that's not me"). They keep asking me about 'making sure she's home by midnight' and 'getting dinner'. They even went as far as to say I better not volunteer all my time at the barns because their daughter needed company too. At first I thought they were joking.... now I'm not too sure. Any advice is appreciated!

Last edited by Incitatus32; 10-06-2013 at 01:20 PM.
Incitatus32 is offline  
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post #2 of 5 Old 10-06-2013, 01:22 PM
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Don't renew her lease agreement. If you do, then you're agreeing that her treatment of you is fine and dandy. Why is this even a problem? YOU hold all the cards.
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post #3 of 5 Old 10-06-2013, 01:23 PM
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She sounds like she's going to be more trouble as a roommate/tenant than she's worth.

As for her parents, just say no. You have your own responsibilities and you can't chase her around or keep tabs on her.

As for the girl, you will either have to work it out once you move or just send her on her way before you move up.
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DancingArabian is offline  
post #4 of 5 Old 10-07-2013, 10:10 AM
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Easy and best solution - don't resign the lease. You have no obligation to keep her around.

Otherwise, take this as a lesson in standing up for yourself as an adult. You don't have to be nasty, but if she tries to claim something you don't feel she's entitled to, just say "No." I'm not sure why you wouldn't tell her its your house. You need to stand up for your property.

Her: I need a new lawnmower."
You: "Go buy one yourself if you want one."

Her: "The house needs new fridge/stove."
You: "Only if they are broken." (landlord does need to provide functioning appliances if they are included in the lease)

Her: "I suppose the company would be okay"
Response: "I'm glad you feel that way, since it's my house."

Her: "You need to leave when my boyfriend comes over."
You: "No."

Take a bolt cutter and cut off the lock she put on your shed.

Her parents ask you for something - "You should talk to her, I don't have time to watch over her." or a simple "No thanks." or "Not interested."

Don't let yourself be a doormat, with this, or anything in life.
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post #5 of 5 Old 10-07-2013, 09:18 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks guys! I guess I just needed reassurance that it's okay to be blunt. Usually I have little to no problem so I don't know why this is so different. Thanks a lot!
Incitatus32 is offline  

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