Anyone else out there work in the food/service industry?
   

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Anyone else out there work in the food/service industry?

This is a discussion on Anyone else out there work in the food/service industry? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        05-05-2011, 12:06 PM
      #1
    Weanling
    Wink Anyone else out there work in the food/service industry?

    Completely off the wall here, but I waitress full time in the winter months and I absolutely LOVE my job. But sometimes, it gets to me. Every now and then I write a little quirky thing and post it on my facebook for my co workers. They appreciate them so much, I just thought I'd throw one of them up here, in case there were any other food and/or service workers who might be having a rough day.
    My girls thought this was pretty funny, they think I should write a book. Haha.
    Enjoy!
    Please feel free to add anything as well.

    So, I haven't had the worst day today. Today wasn't even my worst day this WEEK, but it's days like today that make me look back and ask myself how the hell I am not in the nearest asylum.

    I'm thinking of writing a book on etiquette, or just plain how to be freaking NORMAL and leaving it as like a table type pamphlet on the tables at work.

    First Section...

    Dinner time Marriage proposals:
    Look, Fools, I'm here to WORK, ok? I'm not just bringing you food out of the kindness of my heart or because I simply can not GET ENOUGH of the 6 inches of butt crack you have hanging out in the back or the jelly roll in the front you can't seem to buy a shirt big enough to cover.
    *

    I get paid to listen to your gripes & complaints, woes and worries. I get PAID to smile at your off color jokes and make small talk right back, while keeping a safe distance outside the bubble of the noxious cloud of your incredibly intense body odor. This is my job.
    *

    No where in my job description does it say that I must let you hold my hand while we you are gazing intently into my eyes, with what you must consider to be a sexy smirk, and making more than slightly suggestive references to whatever type of meat is on your plate.
    *

    No where on the application that I filled out, nor in the employee hand book does it state that I can't just pull my hand from your sweaty, greasy grasp, haul back and punch you in your fat, saggy face. THAT is the kindness I bestow upon you. THAT is going above and beyond. For your sake, smelly guy, all for you. Because I'm inclined to be reasonable.
    *

    Your marriage proposal, as touching as it was, called out across the dining room, through a mouthful of hot dog, chili and onions clinging so sexily to your second chin...Oh, it was my prize moment, smelly guy. I'll never be the same.
    *

    I know you are under the impression that my boss makes me wear clothes as a simple formality, but underneath I am 140 lbs of aching desire FOR YOU smelly guy, oh, ABSOLUTELY! You MUST think that *Six Star* is another name for ****** House* I mean, it's pretty much OBVIOUS, is it not, smelly guy? We *waitresses* are here to pick up men, such as yourself, you snappy dresser you, and for no other reason.
    *

    I do not do this job to make money to pay my mortgage, my bills and buy food for my family. You have sought out my most secret desire and ulterior motive for coming to this restaurant every day and passing out french fries... I was simply seeking love in the sweaty arms of someone just such as yourself, smelly guy.
    *

    That is why it is COMPLETELY understandable, based on the a fore mentioned 'secret understanding', that you reach for me every time I pass, with your mustard caked fingers, and simply beg that I pay you attention you so rightly deserve and are obviously seeking, grab my hand in both of your sticky paws, which have a nodding acquaintance with soap, at best, gaze into my wide, startled eyes with your nicotine yellowed, alcohol watery, jaundiced eyes and ask me to marry you. Right there on the spot.
    I can't believe this is really happening to me! Right here! In the middle of an otherwise normal day at work! Oh, I am so happy!
    *

    YES! YES, SMELLY MAN, YES, OH YES! I WILL marry you, oh, without a doubt or second thought! How could I pass this up!
    For a life time of being seen in public with you, getting taken out to dinner to fine establishments, such as this one, being subject to your exquisite table manners, and OH! To wake up to the aroma of week old sweat EVERY MORNING? Let me get my coat!
    *

    That $.68 cents you tossed on the table was just a formality, I know, don't worry, you'll get that back and more when I embark on my life as your beloved one and only! You didn't have to do that, Sweetie! I know times are hard, and how did you have ANY money left after spending $24.00 on $.99 cent coneys and french fries? You must really be SOMEONE smelly guy! I don't know what your line of work is, you never could fit it in between your suggestive winks, belching and the coo of sweet, onion smelling love words, but, that's okay. I NEED you smelly man! I LOVE you! I ACHE for you! I will WAIT for you, every day is going to be torture until I can see your rotten toothed smile again!
    *

    What's ACTUALLY funny is, people actually think this is how you feel. It's amazing, in an 'I'm going to stick this fork in my eye' kind of a way.
         
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        05-05-2011, 12:27 PM
      #2
    Showing
    Too funny, Dusty!

    Yep, worked retail and food service for many years. This is the reason I hate The Public, especially male members of The Public.

    We're all just waiting to become cum dumpsters for some ill mannered slob of a man, as well as being verbal (and sometimes actual) punching bags for the more insane and self entitled assclams.
         
        05-05-2011, 12:39 PM
      #3
    Yearling
    I'm not in food service anymore but I did work in a Costco food court for awhile and was actually, flat out, asked out by a guy who easily looked to be twice my senior. He walked up behind a cute guy who worked inside, who was actually my age, and started talking about the cute guy as his friend and how he'd told mr creeper about me. I vaugely remember him telling me I was cute (ya know, red Costco hat, a hair net and matching apron is truly my greatest outfit....) and asked if we could hang out sometime. I told him I was only 18, he responded that he was only 38....and could we at least be just friends? Hahahhaha, no. Sorry. It was a shame, he had a really cool dog with him....haha. Oh! Just remembered, he didn't have the $1.64 he needed for a hot dog and coke so he had to run out to his truck, just thought that was funny.

    He came back a couple weeks later and I had my female coworker switch places with me, between the register and the food prep line, he asked her out too! Must be something about us food court women :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        05-05-2011, 12:42 PM
      #4
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    Too funny, Dusty!

    Yep, worked retail and food service for many years. This is the reason I hate The Public, especially male members of The Public.

    We're all just waiting to become cum dumpsters for some ill mannered slob of a man, as well as being verbal (and sometimes actual) punching bags for the more insane and self entitled assclams.
    Ohhhh SR, you are SOOOOO dead on. I actually had to clean up the post a bit before I put it here, but I LOVE your colorful expressiveness!!!! But, I agree. Sick.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Zeke    
    I'm not in food service anymore but I did work in a Costco food court for awhile and was actually, flat out, asked out by a guy who easily looked to be twice my senior. He walked up behind a cute guy who worked inside, who was actually my age, and started talking about him as his friend and how he'd told this guy about me. I vaugely remember him telling me I was cute (ya know, red Costco hat, a hair net and matching apron is truly my greatest outfit....) and asked if we could hang out sometime. I told him I was only 18, he responded that he was only 38....and could we at least be just friends? Hahahhaha, no. Sorry. It was a shame, he had a really cool dog with him....haha. Oh! Just remembered, he didn't have the $1.64 he needed for a hot dog and coke so he had to run out to his truck, just thought that was funny.

    He came back a couple weeks later and I had my female coworker switch places with me, he asked her out too! Must be something about us food court women :)
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Well, they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but REALLY? UGH! Apparently something about coupling food+women makes men go CRAZY!!! ~shudder~
         
        05-05-2011, 12:50 PM
      #5
    Foal
    I'm a waitress. Thankfully now that I'm in my thirties with a wedding band on my finger they usually pass me up for my cute twenty something coworkers. Do I miss the daily harassment? Nope! Now they want to give me their card so I'll pass it on to "that cute blond waitress" *******s! I've been married so long I'm not sure I'd notice if someone was flirting with me anymore. Lol
         
        05-05-2011, 01:13 PM
      #6
    Weanling
    You must work in a CLASSY place, hehehe. These idiots will do the same thing even with my DH sitting at the counter. Lord how many confrontations I've had to disarm. They don't care. Uck! In my experience wearing my wedding band made it WORSE!
    'I'm married.'
    'How long you had that problem?'

    Seriously?

    My place is half teenagers, half women in their 50's. At 31 I'm right in the middle. Maybe THAT'S the attraction? I enjoy it when people ask me to pass on messages, because then I have every right to tear them a new one, because you, as a 50 year old scuzz bucket, trying to get with a 17 year old girl, is ILLEGAL. Every day is an adventure!! :)
         
        05-05-2011, 02:06 PM
      #7
    Super Moderator
    Interesting... even I'd be a bit wary about posting things related to my job on Facebook .
         
        05-06-2011, 12:17 AM
      #8
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TaMMa89    
    Interesting... even I'd be a bit wary about posting things related to my job on Facebook .
    Why so?
    If you're thinking the boss angle, he knows I love my job and he thinks I'm absolutely hilarious, he's the first person I send my rants to. We are a dorky bunch, absolutely.
         
        05-06-2011, 11:43 AM
      #9
    Super Moderator
    Yes, boss range.

    Even it's that way now, it's possible that you end up to apply for another job once. Even it's illegal (at least over here), I've heard that bosses can check sites like Facebook of possible worker candidates. If they find that you've posted things about your previous work there publicly, it doesn't give a good image of you. Especially if your possible new boss doesn't know that your old boss is aware & allows you to post all that there. Sure you can always remove things like that on FB but I'd still be a bit wary when you post something on Internet. That's because when you post something there, it's possible that it spreads and stays there forever.
         
        05-06-2011, 03:54 PM
      #10
    Green Broke
    What a great thread! Had to laugh! I just started being a waitress. Absolutely love it! But you get those guys that think that eye contact All the time means I'm supposed to do the same. Walk over to em THINKING they want something, sure do! Chat about me and who I am, where I'm from blah blah blah. Until! I say I have a boyfriend. Ends that thought!!haha!

    And what's this crap with not tipping? What the heck? Go out of my way to make your effn little girl happy and your bill is $40. And no tip? And the rude construction workers who complain that the food is taking too long. Serve em. And they don't even eat it. Oh brother!
    Posted via Mobile Device
         

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