Anyone have MIL drama?
 
 

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Anyone have MIL drama?

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  • Mil drama
  • Mil invited herself on vacation

 
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    07-21-2009, 01:40 PM
  #1
Weanling
Anyone have MIL drama?

Well i'm pretty new to the forum but wanted to see if there is any other ladies/gents that have MIL drama?

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years we just got married in May :) He is a great man and loves me unconditionally and is becoming a horsey guy. The only problem he is a huge momma's boy We live about 10 hrs from his family and mine and I hate that except for the fact I don't have to deal with his mother! She is critical, obnoxsious, nosey and always right.

Now we have hit a bump in the road. I had asked my husband if we could plan a vacation with his brother and wife who is my best friend for a long weekend (they live near the inlaws so we never get to see them really) anyways, he was all for it and I made it clear from the beginning that we were not inviting my parents nor his along this was going to be a nice vacation with our best friends. He was fine with that.......Well afte I booked the trip and was all excited he told his mom about it and she invited herself and his dad along on OUR vacation. I am LIVID. I would NEVER invite myself on someone's vacation and to top it off he said he can't tell her no...well HELLO this is OUR vacation they already had theirs and chose not to come and visit us so that's not my problem. So here is where the situation lies either go on our trip and have to deal with his mother for 2 out of the 3 days we are there or cancel the trip. At this point I am cancelling the trip if he cannot stand up for me. I will not spend my vacation with my best friend (who also does not like being around our MIL) and be miserable the whole time.

So anyone else have any MIL drama they want to share or suggestions? HEHE sorry that was long whew.
     
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    07-21-2009, 02:51 PM
  #2
Trained
Stand your ground!

I can't stand my MIL, thankfully they live 12hrs away and I haven't seen them in over two years! YAY for me! LOL
     
    07-21-2009, 02:54 PM
  #3
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by FehrGroundRanch    
Stand your ground!

I can't stand my MIL, thankfully they live 12hrs away and I haven't seen them in over two years! YAY for me! LOL

LOL I am being quite stubburn with him about this and plan on standing my ground on this matter! Even living 10 hrs from her she still knows everything about our lives which is soooo annoying! I wish I could go 2 years without seeing her LOL
     
    07-21-2009, 05:19 PM
  #4
Weanling
Well, im only 15 so im not married - ( and I don't plan on being married ) haha lol but I know my mom has MIL issues. We live out on the farm and probably twenty years ago my grandma and grandpa used to live out on the farm too - one mile away from us ! They always used to argue and my grandma would put my mom down and everything, they finally moved off the farm and into town, a few years a go my grandpa passed away and now my grandma is in a nursing home ( she is 87 yrs old. ) to this day they still don't like oneanother, my grandma will always say unnecessary statements and yeah, you guys know how it goes tho haha. Everyone always tells me, don't get married and have kids. I know they don't mean that in a bad way and only in a humerous good way. But when I look at the ppl around me, I think to myself, well I don't want to have to go through that and have marriage issues and MIL issues and kid issues and everything. Right now in my life that is the last things on my mind, same with boyfriends haha. And everyone always says " when I was your age I said I never wanted to be married and have kids and I did" but whatev, im not worried about. Right now I don't want any of that - all I want is a great paying job and a big house lol hehe yeah, sorry that was soooo long
     
    07-21-2009, 08:38 PM
  #5
Trained
Have you had an honest sit down talk with your hubby about how you feel about the situation.

Okay I'm not all that brave and I really hate conflict but if my sister, she is a brave son of a gun, were in this situation she would call up the MIL and say "look, you weren't invited, this is something that we had planned without you, I'm sorry but we will have to make arrangments to see each other another time." It's blunt but also pretty diplomatic! I really hope that you are able to have you vacation without you MIL! I feel for you!
     
    07-21-2009, 08:51 PM
  #6
Green Broke
Very tough rode ahead for you if hubby is truely a mama's boy. Better to set the boundaries now, will be easier in the long run.

If he can't call her and explain that it is not a family vacation and no parents are invited then your only other choice is to do it yourself. Understand this will mean a battle of control between you and her. Your husband will not be very supportive in this battle, but will be yanked back and forth between the both of you. To bad he can't handle this situation. That would help alleviate the blame being put solely on your shoulders.

Just remember if she had enough brass to invite herself, meet that same brass with a good dose of yours. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. Easy, no, but after the first few times, it does get easier. Be kind but be firm.

I like the saying that a daughter is a daughter all of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Perhaps hubby needs to know that.

Good luck.
     
    07-22-2009, 11:49 AM
  #7
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by racer179    
well, im only 15 so im not married - ( and I don't plan on being married ) haha lol but I know my mom has MIL issues. We live out on the farm and probably twenty years ago my grandma and grandpa used to live out on the farm too - one mile away from us ! They always used to argue and my grandma would put my mom down and everything, they finally moved off the farm and into town, a few years a go my grandpa passed away and now my grandma is in a nursing home ( she is 87 yrs old. ) to this day they still don't like oneanother, my grandma will always say unnecessary statements and yeah, you guys know how it goes tho haha. Everyone always tells me, don't get married and have kids. I know they don't mean that in a bad way and only in a humerous good way. But when I look at the ppl around me, I think to myself, well I don't want to have to go through that and have marriage issues and MIL issues and kid issues and everything. Right now in my life that is the last things on my mind, same with boyfriends haha. And everyone always says " when I was your age I said I never wanted to be married and have kids and I did" but whatev, im not worried about. Right now I don't want any of that - all I want is a great paying job and a big house lol hehe yeah, sorry that was soooo long
Well I fele sorry that your mom had to deal with that drama for so many years! It really is stressful. Just make sure when/if you do get married its not to a guy attached to his mothers hip. :) Thanks for the story though
Quote:
Originally Posted by FehrGroundRanch    
Have you had an honest sit down talk with your hubby about how you feel about the situation.

Okay I'm not all that brave and I really hate conflict but if my sister, she is a brave son of a gun, were in this situation she would call up the MIL and say "look, you weren't invited, this is something that we had planned without you, I'm sorry but we will have to make arrangments to see each other another time." It's blunt but also pretty diplomatic! I really hope that you are able to have you vacation without you MIL! I feel for you!

See I'm the same way I really dislike conflict and even told hubby that I would call and tell her in a very nice way that this is something that was planned for a reason but he told me I wasn't allowed...WTH??? He wants them to go so i'm not allowed to tell them no. Ugh I have been moody ever since this happened and haven't talked to him unless needed LOL I can hold a grudge for awhile if needed! I'm glad your sister has some balls to say things I wish I was more that way I'm just scared that if she gets smart about it I will flip a lid with all this built up anger LOL

Quote:
Originally Posted by Walkamile    
Very tough rode ahead for you if hubby is truely a mama's boy. Better to set the boundaries now, will be easier in the long run.

If he can't call her and explain that it is not a family vacation and no parents are invited then your only other choice is to do it yourself. Understand this will mean a battle of control between you and her. Your husband will not be very supportive in this battle, but will be yanked back and forth between the both of you. To bad he can't handle this situation. That would help alleviate the blame being put solely on your shoulders.

Just remember if she had enough brass to invite herself, meet that same brass with a good dose of yours. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. Easy, no, but after the first few times, it does get easier. Be kind but be firm.

I like the saying that a daughter is a daughter all of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Perhaps hubby needs to know that.

Good luck.

Love that quote! I have already talked to him about his mom on several occassions and how I very much dislike how things go on and her being involved in our business...she is more involved in my hubbys brother and wifes lives than ours and if I had to deal with what she does I would of already lost my mind! Anyways, he always sides with his mother over me and I can't handle that. Like stated above I offered to tell her but he won't let me. So I am just cancelling the vacation and I'll just fly back home to see my best friend/SIL and he can stay home LOL
     
    07-22-2009, 12:10 PM
  #8
Showing
I think you should go ahead and take your vacation. Make plans that include just you and your sister in law. Since your husband knew your feelings and allowed her to push her way into your plans, let him entertain her. In the future you need to get in your sweeties face and tell him if he ever wants to have a vacation with you again, he needs to keep his mom out of the loop.
My husband and I are not very family oriented. Not saying we don't love our parents. We just don't do things together with them very often besides an occasional lunch.
Until your husband grows a spine, perhaps all future vacations should be "sister vacations" Just leave the husbands at home or at his parents house. I've actually had a couple of those and they are great
     
    07-22-2009, 12:28 PM
  #9
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vidaloco    
I think you should go ahead and take your vacation. Make plans that include just you and your sister in law. Since your husband knew your feelings and allowed her to push her way into your plans, let him entertain her. In the future you need to get in your sweeties face and tell him if he ever wants to have a vacation with you again, he needs to keep his mom out of the loop.
My husband and I are not very family oriented. Not saying we don't love our parents. We just don't do things together with them very often besides an occasional lunch.
Until your husband grows a spine, perhaps all future vacations should be "sister vacations" Just leave the husbands at home or at his parents house. I've actually had a couple of those and they are great

You make an excellent point! We are not expected to entertain and be around his parents because we did not plan the vacation for them to be included so what we want to do we could just do and not include her along! Of course that would cause a whole new drama scene but that's her problem for inviting herself along on our vacation! Hubby can't tell him mom no but he can tell his wife no..hmm..something wrong with that pic! Uhg a lot to decide about I guess. Will it be worth it or not? I know some way some how we will get stuck dealing with her one way or another or having to hear her criticize our cooking or try to take over which I would NOT allow...this is my vacation back off hehe :) Thanks for the good advice!
     
    07-22-2009, 03:49 PM
  #10
Showing
I think that is exactly how I would put it...To hubby: "you allowed her to invite herself, you entertain her. SIL and I are going to go shopping." If she insists on cooking, let her. You two plan a dinner out
If you make enough of a stink, I'm sure she won't invite herself again. Heres hoping anyway
     

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