Wow, that sounds familiar.
I dropped out of highschool during my second try at 11th grade. I had missed so much school because I was home about 3-4 days a week caring for my mother. I'd show up for class one day and the teacher thought I dropped out!
Anyways, she passed away during my second year at 11th grade, which I was also failing due to attendance.
I hid in a basement for 3 years to mourne, sold my horse and basically became a hermit. The only time I came out was to go to my job.
Then suddenly something clicked in my brain. I got my GED and went to college that fall. It was weird. One day I was a basement dweller, the very next I was taking my GED and applying for college.
During college I took Kung Fu. College kept me mentally and physically tired, and adding martial arts ontop of that simply exhausted me. I did this until I was no longer angry or sad. My Sifu taught me how to channel and redirect energy. How to turn sad/angry energy into a force I could manage.
I still struggle with depression sometimes. I haven't been on medication for 15 years. Physically exhausting myself helps a lot, and sometimes when I feel I might take a dive, I pull out my nunchakus or sai and do katas if I can't ride my horse.
Find what helps you and dive in, and don't come up for air until you feel better. Life will always be a struggle and depression makes the struggle harder. Don't just find an outlet, find what focuses you and don't stop.
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