As the Boot Turns or The Rides of our Lives a Novelletta for HF - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 11 Old 04-03-2009, 10:40 PM Thread Starter
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As the Boot Turns or The Rides of our Lives a Novelletta for HF

Here's the beginning of the first HF Novelletta. Please keep adding but keep it just this side of PG 13


Biff Martin sat on the top rail of one of his perfect white board fences, staring vacantly over the thousands of acres of green, rolling horse country that belonged to his family. His rather blank gaze noted a cloud of dust advancing at great speed down the ancestral drive. A tiny bay colour pony with black points screeched to a halt in front of him. Coughing slightly, his heart jumped at the sight of the tall, slim female who dismounted as if she, not he, owned the place. She was clad in a microscopic tank top that sported the logo of every high-end horse product on the market. Her riding pants, which appeared to have been sprayed on, were covered entirely in sparkling crystals. Her height was augmented by a pair of custom-made, mauve ostrich cowboy boots. She clenched a long, unlit cigarillo in her perfectly whitened teeth. "Hi," she said, "my name's Trouble, gotta a spark?" Biff's Cleveland Bay, Bosco, unfortunately chose that moment to shove Biff violently off the fence in an attempt to tell him the wormer he'd been given that morning wasn't sitting at all well. Seconds later, Bosco felt a whole lot better.

And then...
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post #2 of 11 Old 04-03-2009, 10:44 PM
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The woman was covered with everything Bosco had eaten that day. She was head to toe manure. Her outfit was ruined. Biff couldn't help but offer to let her clean up at his place. So they headed off...

Someone stole my %&#*@&% Carrot!
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post #3 of 11 Old 04-03-2009, 10:56 PM
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to Biff's house. Biff offered to wash Trouble's expensively tailored clothing. Biff sent Trouble to a room to change into comfortable clothing while he washed Trouble's clothes.

Bosco, though, snorted in surprise when the pair exited Biff's house. Biff was wearing sparkling crystal pants while Trouble was wearing chaps. Unfortunately for Biff, Mr. Edwards, the town mayor, chose to stop by the farm at that exact moment. A look of horror came across his face when....


Are you absolutely sure you wanna mess with my carrots?
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post #4 of 11 Old 04-03-2009, 11:41 PM
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...he saw his youngest daughter with a man almost twice her age.

Then he saw the crystally shimmery pants. Hard as he tried to hold it in he couldn't help but burst into roaring laughter.

Jolted out of their conversation, Trouble and Biff finally noticed they were not alone...

All I pay my psychiatrist is cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day!

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post #5 of 11 Old 04-04-2009, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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Trouble and Biff looked up and noticed her father standing there, but out of the barn bursts Sue.

Sue was glad of the mucker job Biff had given her and thankful to Biff for providing her with room and board. She had, after all, lost everything including her memory in a horrific auto accident the previous year.....but she felt that Trouble was trouble and she needed some excuse to put an end to a rival for Biff's affections.

So Sue doffed the thermal snowpants rescued from the dollar bin at Value Village, followed swiftly by the quilted mechanic's overalls obviously borrowed from 'Joe's Towing Service - You Ditch It, We Hitch It'. Struggling free from the ankle to chin down-filled musher parka, she paused for a breath. "Hang on, Biff", she prayed, "Almost done." She peeled off the three flannel pyjama pants and finally found denim. Off came the tuque, the flapped hat and the bandana.

Sue hurdled the heap and flew to the barn doors...just in time to see Biff with Trouble and Trouble's father all standing there...

Ummmm
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post #6 of 11 Old 04-04-2009, 11:07 PM
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After recovering from the shock Sue realized she was stand ther in nothing but her undergarments and a pair of Muck boots. Sue made a beline for the house but half way there she ran smack dab into the mayor knocking them both out cold. Biff and Trouble....

Someone stole my %&#*@&% Carrot!
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post #7 of 11 Old 04-05-2009, 08:17 PM
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Biff's roaring laughter could be heard echoing over the rolling hills at the sight of the two of them bouncing off each other. Something about the whole situation struck his funny bone, especially with the mayor being such a proper (and stuffy - Biff added to himself) man. That was, until he realized that poor Sue had not moved.

The mayor was getting up with Trouble's help, but Sue's skyclad body didn't even twitch. He quickly walked over and gathered her inert form into his arms and held her close as he headed to the house. "If you will excuse me folks, I need to make sure this pretty, even if a bit eccentric, lady is ok."

He spun on the heel of his boot, his crystal pants reflecting diamond-shaped rainbow patterns on Trouble's irate expression at being left for some horse-poo shoveling ditz. Biff was oblivious to the turmoil he was leaving in his front yard; something he may soon regret.

All I pay my psychiatrist is cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day!

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post #8 of 11 Old 04-05-2009, 09:33 PM Thread Starter
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During as this scuffle Trouble's eyes narrowed and her lips thinned, "Do I smell a slinkily hip-swaying, evilly man-hungry, kind of a rat-ess taking up all of Biff's attention?"

Swiftly Trouble turned and went into the barn where she discovered a pair of mauve ostrich leather cowboy boots hidden and stuck in a stall deep in the barn. Grabbing the boots as evidence of Sue's consiracy in getting Biff's attention, she tried to rise. She rolled left and hit the wheelbarrow. Rolled right and hit the wall. "Great," she muttered, "Gotta be the first person to get cast in a stall." Determined, she tucked her legs up and head in and cannonballed her way into the aisle hitting the wall with a resounding thud. With the help of the crossties she heaved herself to her feet and with all the dignity she could muster looked squarely into the disapproving eyes of her father.

Oh oh.................
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post #9 of 11 Old 04-05-2009, 09:55 PM
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Before the arguntment could begin, a loud whinny was heard. Everyone's head turned, and they were confused. Huh? Then they looked down and noticed one of the smallest mini ponies each one of them had every seen. He wouldn't stpo making a ruccus, and so Trouble stepped forward..
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post #10 of 11 Old 04-10-2009, 10:43 AM Thread Starter
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As Trouble started to say something her gaze slipped past her father and on to Biff who had come out of the house. Biff had taken off some of his clothes to cover Sue after her accident so he had quickly dressed before he came out to investigate the ruckus. But a sudden cool breeze reminded Biff that he had forgotten to put pants on before his chaps.

Trouble, peeking from the barn, saw the discomfort on Biff's face. As he attempted to walk backwards to the trucks a slight breeze caught his chaps and revealed...well, it revealed a lot. "Good Gawd," she whispered, "the man has no pants!" Hurriedly, she ran to the door. "Biff, could I just check with you for a second before you go?" Behind her back she held a pair of extra castoff barn jeans, lovingly laundered and pressed by her very own hands and tenderly placed in her private place. "Think maybe you forgot something" she said as she handed them...reluctantly...to Biff.
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