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Boyfriend's mother dislikes me?

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        03-07-2013, 09:20 PM
      #11
    Weanling
    Natisha, I just about died laughing! Scared my kitties across the room! Lol!

    I have spoken to my boyfriend about it (always gentle-like; don't want to put him on the defensive). At first he completely denied it. But as of the last year or so, he's admitted that she's not as engaging with me, but he doesn't know why. I can tell it hurts him a bit, so I always drop the subject.

    I guess her behavior towards me isn't really hurting me. I certainly don't feel accepted by her, and that stings a bit. It also makes our visits very awkward. It's startling to see the difference between her and the rest of her family. They treat me like one of their own, and make quite the effort to remember things about me. That's one reason why I prefer to go visit when there's a family reunion/gathering of some kind, lol!

    I guess I've never met a mother that didn't try to express some interest in their children's friends (or in this case, girlfriend), so it's just weird to me that she doesn't. Makes everything a bit off-kilter.

    I do appreciate the advice and insight!
    Hidalgo13 and natisha like this.
         
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        03-08-2013, 05:01 PM
      #12
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TurkishVan    
    Natisha, I just about died laughing! Scared my kitties across the room! Lol!

    I have spoken to my boyfriend about it (always gentle-like; don't want to put him on the defensive). At first he completely denied it. But as of the last year or so, he's admitted that she's not as engaging with me, but he doesn't know why. I can tell it hurts him a bit, so I always drop the subject.

    I guess her behavior towards me isn't really hurting me. I certainly don't feel accepted by her, and that stings a bit. It also makes our visits very awkward. It's startling to see the difference between her and the rest of her family. They treat me like one of their own, and make quite the effort to remember things about me. That's one reason why I prefer to go visit when there's a family reunion/gathering of some kind, lol!

    I guess I've never met a mother that didn't try to express some interest in their children's friends (or in this case, girlfriend), so it's just weird to me that she doesn't. Makes everything a bit off-kilter.

    I do appreciate the advice and insight!
    Don't put yourself in a position to be treated badly. Only visit if others are around. Let BF visit his mother alone.

    I had one BF whose mother asked him, "How are you ever going to find a nice girl to marry if you keep hanging around with Natisha?" Funny as heck
    NeighAngel likes this.
         
        03-08-2013, 05:39 PM
      #13
    Foal
    I have the same issue and I'm in my 30's. Not only does his mother not like me (but puts on the fake southern charm of good up bringing) but his sister HATES me. We finally had an argument (sister and I) and his sister and I have not spoken since and I refuse to be around her. So what did I do in answer to all of this (and make it worse in the process)....I MARRIED HIM!!! LOL

    Their problem was he was (since his father died many years ago) playing the part of brother, father, husband, and helping to raise his sister's son...all at the same time. Brian was the "go to guy" for all of their needs. And he always jumped right to it for them. Enter me...now he and I have been together for 3 years and along with my son, we are a family. They say I stole him away and they shut me out of their lives. I refuse to make him choose because I'm better than that but they tried to do that to him. I love him....that doesn't mean I have to like his family! My family on the other hand....treat him like he was gold!
         
        03-09-2013, 10:30 AM
      #14
    Started
    I have issues with my MIL - we got on very well until my husband and I got engaged. She is condescending, sly and has said some VERY hurtful things to me, and insists on being involved in everything - all of which my husband turns a blind eye to. I have given up trying, I am civil to her but I get on with my life. I see her once every month or two even though she only lives about 30 miles away I refuse to go out of my way for her.

    Your relationship with your boyfriend is between the two of you - not his mother. You do whats right for you and leave her to it. And good luck! :)
    TurkishVan and NeighAngel like this.
         
        03-11-2013, 11:33 AM
      #15
    Foal
    My MIL is only about 30 mins away. I don't even answer my phone when she calls...I just tell my hubs to call his mother. I to am civil to her if we are sharing the same space but life is short to be concerned with hateful people. At least my husband is aware of it all and that makes it easy to deal with. These people are so bad that they wouldn't even come by our home for Christmas. It's ok though. Life goes on.
    TurkishVan likes this.
         
        03-11-2013, 12:05 PM
      #16
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NeighAngel    
    My MIL is only about 30 mins away. I don't even answer my phone when she calls...I just tell my hubs to call his mother. I to am civil to her if we are sharing the same space but life is short to be concerned with hateful people. At least my husband is aware of it all and that makes it easy to deal with. These people are so bad that they wouldn't even come by our home for Christmas. It's ok though. Life goes on.
    Wish my husband paid notice to it. Last time I got to visit home I made a joke about getting back in the country (Irish immigration is such a PITA) and she turned to him and said "if she gets stopped, grab the kid, keep walking and never look back". He ignored it. She's never apologized, and I've never forgiven her. Like I said, I'm civil to her but she won't get an ounce of respect from me. My life is my husband and my kids, she's a part of their lives and I won't stop that - but I do my own thing.
         
        03-11-2013, 12:49 PM
      #17
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Maple    
    and she turned to him and said "if she gets stopped, grab the kid, keep walking and never look back". He ignored it. She's never apologized, and I've never forgiven her.
    Does he ignore everything about the situation? Or does he figure the best way to "deal with her" is to just ignore when she is being nasty? Have the two of you ever talked about it?

    My husband and I had a LONG conversation about it. He knows how I feel and he feels the same way BUTI told him he could not shut out his family even is they were assh**es. Both of my parents are gone and I only have one sister....so I know he would regret not spending time with his mother while he still has her. But we both agree that I should not be subjected to them and I shouldn't have to hold my tongue every time they are nasty. So to keep it from being a bigger mess....I just stay away from them. I don't go to his mother's house with him and they don't come here.
         
        03-11-2013, 01:09 PM
      #18
    Started
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by NeighAngel    
    Does he ignore everything about the situation? Or does he figure the best way to "deal with her" is to just ignore when she is being nasty? Have the two of you ever talked about it?

    My husband and I had a LONG conversation about it. He knows how I feel and he feels the same way BUTI told him he could not shut out his family even is they were assh**es. Both of my parents are gone and I only have one sister....so I know he would regret not spending time with his mother while he still has her. But we both agree that I should not be subjected to them and I shouldn't have to hold my tongue every time they are nasty. So to keep it from being a bigger mess....I just stay away from them. I don't go to his mother's house with him and they don't come here.
    His selective hearing comes into full effect and if I bring anything up afterwards I get "I don't remember that". He chooses to ignore that Mommy dearest is a cow as he thinks so highly of her. I do family events cus if I don't I'll upset him, but if I don't have to be there, I'm not.
         

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