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Bullying and Cyberbullying

6K views 76 replies 31 participants last post by  TaMMa89 
#1 ·
I see this happens a lot in the US just as it does in other countrirs. Apparently a bill was supposed to be drafted 9 months ago.

Too many countries are sitting on their collective behinds on this one.. Many will ask where are the parents of the little snots who behave this way?

I would venture that it is the parents in many cases that are in fact "showing the way" and setting the example from what I see on so many sites.


Boston, MA.

The story of Massachusetts high school student Phoebe Prince's death is waking up lawmakers on Beacon Hill.


The freshman at South Hadley High School died Jan. 14. and two students accused of bullying the15-year-old have been punished.

According to the principal, Prince, who had recently moved to western Massachusetts from Ireland, was harassed through texting and Facebook entries by a clique of girls.

Whether she committed suicide because of all the taunting police are still investigating. About 200 students held a vigil the night after Prince died and several web tribute pages for her popped up Facebook. Most of the messages were positive but others were cruel had to be taken down.

Many legislators are feeling more pressure to do something to stop bullying before another child commits suicide.

For months, lawmakers have been working on an anti-bullying bill some say it should finally head to the House and Senate sometime next week. Meanwhile the school formed a task force to examine the bullying issue.
 
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#37 ·
And just remember that cyberbullying in particular is not limited to teenagers.

Go to many forums (especially horse and dog ones) and you see adults behaving badly against other adults. You see teens behaving badly against adults and adults behaving badly against younger people and teens.

It is just that this topic reaches the news more from stories where a teen commits suicide due to bullying (and many times their parents have simply told them to just ignore or toughen up).

Just go to COTH for example and the mob mentlity runs rampant (and these are adults, at least in physical years anyways)
 
#38 · (Edited)
Replying to the OP- are they looking for the original 'bulliers'? Often when I read articles about text-bullying, cyber-bullying, school-bullying etc causing suicide the article is focused on the victim and not the attacker. What sort of punishment do bulliers go through if they are found to be linked to a suicide, if any? I don't think the solution for bullying is to have victims 'grow thicker skin and move on' I think the bulliers should be punished to a point were they know what they did was wrong and will never do it again. Perhaps I sound a bit severe, but anyone doing such a serious and terrible thing should go through serious act should expect to deal with serious consequences. No, I don't care if the bully was 'just wanting attention', if they acted as a catalyst for a suicide/caused severe emotional suffering that is not an excuse.
 
#40 ·
While I do agree with the fact that there need ot be harsher punishments for bullies, I will also point out that many times they have issues as well. I have dealt with being bullied. I started out as a scared little kid, and horses were the thing that helped me. (along with an older male cousin that taught me to fight) There are many times that both the bully and the victim need someone to talk to. Many bullies are abused in some way by adults or other children.

I feel that parents should definitely monitor their children's internet usage more strongly. My parents did. They knew all my passwords until I was about 17. They knew who I talked to, who I argued with, and what most of it was about.

They never had to interfere for me, but I have had to intervene on my younger sister's behalf. The mother of a girl she was arguing with came and was screaming in her face at a baseball game. I just about went to jail, but I called over some other adults (I was only 18 so still difficult for me to get the idiot to back off). My sister was 15, and this woman was angry because her daughter didn't like that my sister was dating her ex. Kids can be stupid, and it gets worse when adults get in on it.

I will not have my kids having free access to the internet. I will have passwords, and if they change them they will not get back on until I have the new password. It worked with me, so I think that it sounds like a decent plan. If I ever have a child being bullied I will talk to them about coping skills, and I will hopefully have a younger family friend, aunt/uncle, etc to reinforce what I tell them.
 
#47 ·
While I do agree with the fact that there need ot be harsher punishments for bullies, I will also point out that many times they have issues as well. I have dealt with being bullied. I started out as a scared little kid, and horses were the thing that helped me. (along with an older male cousin that taught me to fight) There are many times that both the bully and the victim need someone to talk to. Many bullies are abused in some way by adults or other children.

I feel that parents should definitely monitor their children's internet usage more strongly. My parents did. They knew all my passwords until I was about 17. They knew who I talked to, who I argued with, and what most of it was about.

They never had to interfere for me, but I have had to intervene on my younger sister's behalf. The mother of a girl she was arguing with came and was screaming in her face at a baseball game. I just about went to jail, but I called over some other adults (I was only 18 so still difficult for me to get the idiot to back off). My sister was 15, and this woman was angry because her daughter didn't like that my sister was dating her ex. Kids can be stupid, and it gets worse when adults get in on it.

I will not have my kids having free access to the internet. I will have passwords, and if they change them they will not get back on until I have the new password. It worked with me, so I think that it sounds like a decent plan. If I ever have a child being bullied I will talk to them about coping skills, and I will hopefully have a younger family friend, aunt/uncle, etc to reinforce what I tell them.
That's the best thing that a parent can do.
My parents always made me fight my own battles. They gave me the tools to be able to cope with the fights but I knew I was on my own so I chose my battles carefully. I'm sure I was bullied as a kid but I'm also sure I was good at ignoring it or beating the crap out of the kid doing it (that was allowed back then as well as teachers using corporal punishment)
People are going to have to deal with bullies all their lives. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there. They will have to learn to deal with it. Its best if they do grow some thicker skin and the sooner the better.
 
#41 ·
I can personally say being told to 'toughen up' doesn't always help, nor does it work for everyone. From grade 2 all the way up through 11th grade I was bullied. I changed schools so so so many times. I was in and out of 6 schools from grades 2-5. and 3 schools from 6-8, and 3 from 9-11. All different. Because the principals at the elementary schools couldn't care less nor did they do anything. In middle school, the kids acted perfect after they got in trouble, and then went back to it. and in High School I got slammed into so many lockers and such it just wasn't funny. I ended up dropping 4 classes in 10th to avoid the kids, and got a year behind in school, and junior year the same thing happened...and come senior year I was 2.5 years behind credit wise and because of the bullying being so bad I ended up dropping out.
I will say I tried to stand up to those who were nasty, and it didn't work, they just found something new to torture me with. And now since leaving the whole school scene, I just don't care what people say to me, cause they don't matter. I figured out if I have to stand up to someone or feel like I have to prove them wrong for them to leave me alone, it must mean I must've believed them about whatever it was they were saying at the time. I've gotten a whole lot rougher around the edges since all of the school bullying and drama.

It's different for everyone. Some things work for some people that may not work for others. For me it was fighting and running consistently, trying to succeed and then finding another way to succeed after all my resources in the school world were exhausted.

*went on a major rant there*
 
#42 ·
If it wasn't for my very close friends, I'd have to say I wouldn't be here today. Although only 2 of my friends go to my school, thats what keeps me going. I am not liked at my school after an incident that happened at the end of last year, but oh well. I actually rarely see those 2 friends at school because there seniors, but they keep me going. Most of my friends now are horse people, or from work.

I'd also like to say that when you tell a kid to 'toughen up', it can sometimes lead to depression. For about 2 weeks last year, in the worst time, I was told to 'toughen up'. And I did. I didn't say anything to those bullies, I didn't cry, I just kept my head held high and walked on. But I'd spend recess and lunch in the toilets, crying or just reading a book in the library just to avoid them.

I go back to school on Friday, hopefully things won't be like last year.
 
#43 ·
Just saying grow a thicker skin and get over it doesn't work. I've been there and it's so hard to do that, next to impossible. Unfortunatly for me it started really picking up at the same time my parents split up. I'm only just getting out of counselling and it's been two years since I left that school. I ended up missing a lot of my last year in that school because I refused to go in as I felt physically sick when I saw the people who were bullying me. My teacher in the one class they were together was rubbish at controlling the class so they took every opportunity to bully me somemore. I had cuts on my hands from where I was digging my nails in to stop myself from crying in class. Even when I eventually moved desks away from them, the teacher decided to move one of them near to me again. The lad involved was also in several of my other classes where he would keep it up. Luckily only a few friends had my mobile number and I blocked them all on Facebook so none of them reached me that way. I was moved to a school for kids with issues like depression, which I had quite badly by this point, and other issues that prevented them from attending a normal school like an illness as it was a hospital school. By this point I had started attending a group for self harmers. I still have the scars. I can honestly say if it wasn't for my animals, my mum and my friends I wouldn't be here as I tried to off myself twice. If my mum had told me to grow a thicker skin and get over it I would have thought I was getting punished by no help for being bullied. In two years I went from being reasonably happy to being so depressed I could only see one way out of it. I was only reasonably happy because I was just recovering from having depression before due to a severe illness in my first year at high school so I missed a few months of school which made me feel very alone. My point is after my little sob story bullying is dangerous and I have often been told that bullies have their own issues but quite frankly after going through what I went through I don't see how that gives them the right to ruin my life because theirs isn't how they want it? I feel like I have a mark of Cain on me because I switched schools and was in counselling now I'm at college because the staff who dealt with adminstrations etc were on my case straight away when I was ill talking about dropping courses because they felt I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress when I came back. I get the feeling it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life as I'm going to be moved into adult mental health services soon so I'll have to deal with that which means any application I fill out I will have to put it on because I have a history of mental illness. I think if those bullies had left me alone I would have coped with my parents split a lot better and had school as a haven but as it turned out I couldn't get away from it all anywhere but the school library. I didn't get the exam results I wanted but they were very good all the same with everything considered.
 
#44 ·
Ah well, I see I dont agree with allot of people on here.
I do have to agree that there needs to be more parenting done. Its not the schools its not the gov. that should punish someones kids misbehaving but the parents.
Dont 'worry about your comment. It only made me laugh. My daughter is the most important thing. She will never go to daycare and she will always have mom. :)
 
#48 · (Edited)
Personally I think it depends a bit on the child's age. If as a parent, with very little kid I'd interfere in pretty soon (and battle that battle for or besides of him or her) since I think very little kids can't deal with it yet like olders can do... With an older child I'd perhaps monitor the situation, talk over it and interfere in if it turned so bad that the child seemed to really be suffering from it. Personally I think solving the situation together with the child will learn him or her how to cope with it. But I also think it's finally adults' thing to stop the bullying if nothing else works since children need to be protected. Children need to have a some kind of authority in which to turn to if needed, just like adults would report a rough harasser to police or in some cases for example to their foreman.

About teachers, I'm still for it that I said earlier. I think it's a part of schools' and teachers' job and authority to stop bullying immediately, with help of other people like I brought up earlier. Same goes with work and bosses.

I also agree with someone (sorry I don't remember your name just now) who said that every method doesn't work with everyone. As a pretty sensitive person, I guess this 'grow a thicker skin' wouldn't work with me either, even luckily it never turned so really really bad that my parents would have needed to interfere in things. These people need other methods to cope with it. Depends a lot on your character and personality.
 
#51 ·
I also agree with someone (sorry I don't remember your name just now) who said that every method doesn't work with everyone. As a pretty sensitive person, I guess this 'grow a thicker skin' wouldn't work with me either, even luckily it never turned so really really bad that my parents would have needed to interfere in things. These people need other methods to cope with it. Depends a lot on your character and personality.
I agree. There are some children that you can say "hey, this will pass. Laugh at them and so will everyone else." I've had some horrible things said to me, but I will wither be honest and say "well, yea they are telling the truth. You all now know they are a backstabber who will let out all your secrets." or "nope people, I didn't do that." and laugh. I'm from a small town so people know too much. I'll be honest because they'll find out somehow. (my way old ex reminded me of that today by bringing upsomething I thought he knew nothing about)
 
#49 ·
I guess I will be called "cold-hearted" for saying what I am about to say, but I have been picked on by other girls around school sometimes, and then again I am also on the side of the bully, because I do the same to them.

On the matter of the internet, if you don't want to be bullied through the web, then get off of the internet! I don't understand these kids who continuously go back to chat rooms where they know they will be picked on. It is as if they are looking for a reason for people to feel sorry for them.

As far as real life, if you are being bullied, tell an adult or buck up.
 
#52 ·
Did anyone else hear about a mom who bullied some girl her daughter didn't like? I don't rememebr if this is exactly how it went but it was something like the two girls liked the same boy and the mom of one girl made a myspace pretending to be the boy and was really mean to the other girl and she ended up killing herself.

As far as ignoring it and getting over it, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is the same and there can be underlying issues that these kids may have. The one's that end up killing themselves could already have some psychological issues and are pushed over the edge by the bullying. You can't tell some people to just get over it. It's not that simple for everyone.
Yes, this happened in Missouri and the mom that bullied the young girl got a slap on the wrist. This was a terrible terrible thing that should have never happened. To think that an adult would do this how pitiful is that.
 
#53 ·
Did anyone else hear about a mom who bullied some girl her daughter didn't like? I don't rememebr if this is exactly how it went but it was something like the two girls liked the same boy and the mom of one girl made a myspace pretending to be the boy and was really mean to the other girl and she ended up killing herself.

As far as ignoring it and getting over it, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is the same and there can be underlying issues that these kids may have. The one's that end up killing themselves could already have some psychological issues and are pushed over the edge by the bullying. You can't tell some people to just get over it. It's not that simple for everyone.

arabchica said:
Yes, this happened in Missouri and the mom that bullied the young girl got a slap on the wrist. This was a terrible terrible thing that should have never happened. To think that an adult would do this how pitiful is that.
That is very disturbing to me. I just don't understand the parent who could think like that. That mother needs to be held accountable.
 
#54 ·
That is very disturbing to me. I just don't understand the parent who could think like that. That mother needs to be held accountable.

The unfortunate thing is that this behaviour is found to be in adults as much as teens.

How can we expect our children to act civily when we ourselves don't?

I have been to many message boards and some of the stuff I see is appaling and they are NOT kids but 30-40 year old women (mostly) acting like 8 year olds or worse. Taking pictures of their victim and photoshopping them to make that person look stupid. Putting up tombstones with their name on it. Calling them batsh** crazy or deluded and other things.

I know the first thing most people tell you is to not read it but in all honesty if someone was doing this to you can you honestly tell me you would not read a single word? Of course you would.

The purpose is to draw you in to reply so the "pack" can descend upon you and being outnumbered only makes you more vulnerable. I am sure the mods here have seen it mildly here or elsewhere and know what I am saying.

I sometimes wonder what sort of family these adults belong to and surprising it is often relatively normal so what brings out the worse in us?

I seriously think it is because their family is too normal and unexciting that cause adults to behave like this after all they are hidden behind a username and can throw as many stones as they wish without any serious reprecussions. The worse of these are those that find a victim and stalk them accross the net from site to site. These will post something that will get their victim upset and usually angry. It is often the victim that is then banned for being the "troublemaker" and the stalker looking innocent.
 
#55 ·
Like others I was bullied as a child. Never cyber bullied, but I wasn't on a computer/cell phone so there wasn't really an opportunity for that. There's a couple instances that stand out to this day.

When I was young, like 5-6 years old, I would run around pretending to be a horse (I sure some of you did it too :lol:). I neighed, galloped, whinnied, snorted, the whole nine yards. Pretty amusing. This carried with me throughout elementry school and I was tormented regularly by most of my grade. Including my "friends". In 6th grade some kids started harassing of me in English class. What did the teacher do? He laughed with rest of the kids. No one stood up for me. I just sat there trying not to cry.

Same school maybe a year later. I had accidently ran into a kid earlier in the day. Unfortunately he was one of the "popular" boys and I had poked him with a pencil in the arm when I ran into him. So his friend (at least 2 years older than me) layed in wait for me on the bus. He got up, got in my face, picked me up by my shirt and was yelling at me about screwing with his friend. The bus driver did nothing beyond finally saying "Alright kids time to sit down" a couple minutes into it because he was getting ready to drive off. Seriously?

In both of these incidences (and there were more like them) the adults did nothing. Or worse they participated in the bullying. It got better when I changed schools, but I was still harassed all the way up into high school. It got better in highschool (after I went through puberty and didn't look so weird), but I never became friends with or dated anyone who made fun of me. That holds to this day.

My entire school career was filled with this kind of crap. I started school as a happy, hyper, slightly shy but mostly outgoing, smart, normal child. I spent most of my years in school trying to avoid any attention. To this day I war with shyness, meeting new people, even calling people on the phone. I always think people don't like me and I don't let people in very easily. My good friends have spent years telling me it's ok to show emotion to other people, but I spent so much of my formative years doing my damndest NOT to cry when I was hurting that now it's hard for me to show people when I am hurting. I've gotten a TON better but it has been a struggle and constant work and evaluation on my part. In reality this is something that I will always deal with and fight against.

Probably the only good thing that came of this? I NEVER made fun of anyone. Honestly though I don't think I would've made fun of people anyways.

I don't really understand what makes people want to hurt other people. Or even how they can be so callous to somebody else's pain. I guess there's a part of me that really thinks that there is something majorly wrong with people who bully others. Like they're missing some essential piece.

Sorry for the (badly written) book. :lol:
 
#57 · (Edited)
I was reading yours a couple days ago thinking "Wow, someone else". Did I actually quote you word for word? LOL I always kinda feel like a big baby letting this stuff get to me still. Seriously I'll be 29 in a month and crap that happened when I was 5-6 years old still effects me. Argh, drives me nuts sometimes.

Incidently my parents were of the "Take it like a man" "Brush it off" "Words can only hurt you as much as you let them" crowd. I don't know if they made it worse or better. I know and knew that they loved me, but it didn't really help when I was interacting with others.
 
#58 ·
I don't think the term grow some thicker skin really would help ignoring it doesn't help I ignored it all and what happened I got a slap in the face and got my head whacked against a desk for ignoring her I have a small scar on my hand from it you wouldn't notice it but it just reminds me of what I went through yes I am a tougher person now but that doesn't mean that I would go through cyber bulling again to be a tougher person and my heart really goes out to the people who get really depressed over things like this.
 
#61 ·
Wild Spot - My boyfriend gives me crap about it too. He's very outgoing and LOVES meeting new people. He started a goose hunting guide service so he could meet new people constantly, LOL. Of all the people for me to be with, right? Glad I'm not alone on the phone thing, next time I'll think of you when I'm gearing up to call someone(ok that might sound weird, LOL). :D
 
#62 ·
Did'ja read about the Texas mom who tried to(or did) murder one of the parents of her daughters cheerleading rivals.
My mom was a redhead. She said the boys would tease her about her red hair. One day kinfolk from the city came to visit-told her that women in the city DYED their hair to get it that color-So the next time they tried teasing her she told them Oh,your jelous!(sp)
 
#66 ·
In my experience (ie something that happened and not just something I think) anyone who tells a victim of bullying to "toughen up", "shrug it off" or whatever expression they use - is themself a bully and playing the "they need to grow a spine" card as an excuse for their behaviour

If that makes any sense!

No one ever admits to being a bully, when they get caught out they immediately blame their victim and try to make out that the victim was at fault for not having a sense of humour, or being a wuss, or in some cases they even try to claim that their victim "started it"
 
#72 ·
In my experience (ie something that happened and not just something I think) anyone who tells a victim of bullying to "toughen up", "shrug it off" or whatever expression they use - is themself a bully and playing the "they need to grow a spine" card as an excuse for their behaviour

If that makes any sense!

No one ever admits to being a bully, when they get caught out they immediately blame their victim and try to make out that the victim was at fault for not having a sense of humour, or being a wuss, or in some cases they even try to claim that their victim "started it"
I do think your correct. I was raised by a bully (my dad) and learned to either buck up and take it or hide in my room. I took it and learned to give it back. Thanks for calling me out and I appologize for sounding so harsh.
Just FYI I was voted most friendly in my senior class in HS and was president of my class so I wasn't too much of a meany head :lol:
 
#67 ·
I have major trust issues I always have. I find it really hard to open up and let people in. With my last boyfriend who I was reluctant to go out with had to talk to me everyday at school until I let him in. Then he ruined it and now I closed back up becasue thanks to him I had opened up a little bit. I was also always teased when I was younger because my hair wasn't straight and I didn't have as good of a smile as other girls. People aren't mean to me anymore because like you guys when 9th grade started my hair was straight I had contacts and I got prettier. I never did let any of them in. Still haven't
 
#68 ·
Hmmm..I guess I may have let bullying affect me some. I always say it didn't, but I have a major shyness issue. It doesn't help that as soon as I am uncomfortable my face turns completely RED! I'm a redhead, so I have a REALLY light complection. Luckily for me I was the kind of kid that would just go home and ride or read, but I guess that might have something to do with me being awkward with most people.

I can be very outgoing in situations that I feel the other person is uncomfortable in too, but in situations where the other person is confident I just turn red, stutter, and make a complete fool of myself. I guess that would be why every guy I have ever dated was someone I was friends with beforehand. Otherwise there is no way I would have been comfortable with them.

As it is there are still certain things that throw me off. I was told today that I've gotten much prettier since high school. (this coming froma guy that last saw me around 10th grade) While I was flattered, I was completelyr flustered and unsure of a reaction. He knows me, so he pretty much knew that was how I would be, but it can be so embarrassing.
 
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