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post #41 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 02:04 AM
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I can personally say being told to 'toughen up' doesn't always help, nor does it work for everyone. From grade 2 all the way up through 11th grade I was bullied. I changed schools so so so many times. I was in and out of 6 schools from grades 2-5. and 3 schools from 6-8, and 3 from 9-11. All different. Because the principals at the elementary schools couldn't care less nor did they do anything. In middle school, the kids acted perfect after they got in trouble, and then went back to it. and in High School I got slammed into so many lockers and such it just wasn't funny. I ended up dropping 4 classes in 10th to avoid the kids, and got a year behind in school, and junior year the same thing happened...and come senior year I was 2.5 years behind credit wise and because of the bullying being so bad I ended up dropping out.
I will say I tried to stand up to those who were nasty, and it didn't work, they just found something new to torture me with. And now since leaving the whole school scene, I just don't care what people say to me, cause they don't matter. I figured out if I have to stand up to someone or feel like I have to prove them wrong for them to leave me alone, it must mean I must've believed them about whatever it was they were saying at the time. I've gotten a whole lot rougher around the edges since all of the school bullying and drama.

It's different for everyone. Some things work for some people that may not work for others. For me it was fighting and running consistently, trying to succeed and then finding another way to succeed after all my resources in the school world were exhausted.

*went on a major rant there*

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post #42 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 04:28 AM
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If it wasn't for my very close friends, I'd have to say I wouldn't be here today. Although only 2 of my friends go to my school, thats what keeps me going. I am not liked at my school after an incident that happened at the end of last year, but oh well. I actually rarely see those 2 friends at school because there seniors, but they keep me going. Most of my friends now are horse people, or from work.

I'd also like to say that when you tell a kid to 'toughen up', it can sometimes lead to depression. For about 2 weeks last year, in the worst time, I was told to 'toughen up'. And I did. I didn't say anything to those bullies, I didn't cry, I just kept my head held high and walked on. But I'd spend recess and lunch in the toilets, crying or just reading a book in the library just to avoid them.

I go back to school on Friday, hopefully things won't be like last year.
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post #43 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 08:12 AM
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Just saying grow a thicker skin and get over it doesn't work. I've been there and it's so hard to do that, next to impossible. Unfortunatly for me it started really picking up at the same time my parents split up. I'm only just getting out of counselling and it's been two years since I left that school. I ended up missing a lot of my last year in that school because I refused to go in as I felt physically sick when I saw the people who were bullying me. My teacher in the one class they were together was rubbish at controlling the class so they took every opportunity to bully me somemore. I had cuts on my hands from where I was digging my nails in to stop myself from crying in class. Even when I eventually moved desks away from them, the teacher decided to move one of them near to me again. The lad involved was also in several of my other classes where he would keep it up. Luckily only a few friends had my mobile number and I blocked them all on Facebook so none of them reached me that way. I was moved to a school for kids with issues like depression, which I had quite badly by this point, and other issues that prevented them from attending a normal school like an illness as it was a hospital school. By this point I had started attending a group for self harmers. I still have the scars. I can honestly say if it wasn't for my animals, my mum and my friends I wouldn't be here as I tried to off myself twice. If my mum had told me to grow a thicker skin and get over it I would have thought I was getting punished by no help for being bullied. In two years I went from being reasonably happy to being so depressed I could only see one way out of it. I was only reasonably happy because I was just recovering from having depression before due to a severe illness in my first year at high school so I missed a few months of school which made me feel very alone. My point is after my little sob story bullying is dangerous and I have often been told that bullies have their own issues but quite frankly after going through what I went through I don't see how that gives them the right to ruin my life because theirs isn't how they want it? I feel like I have a mark of Cain on me because I switched schools and was in counselling now I'm at college because the staff who dealt with adminstrations etc were on my case straight away when I was ill talking about dropping courses because they felt I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress when I came back. I get the feeling it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life as I'm going to be moved into adult mental health services soon so I'll have to deal with that which means any application I fill out I will have to put it on because I have a history of mental illness. I think if those bullies had left me alone I would have coped with my parents split a lot better and had school as a haven but as it turned out I couldn't get away from it all anywhere but the school library. I didn't get the exam results I wanted but they were very good all the same with everything considered.

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post #44 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 11:12 AM
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Ah well, I see I dont agree with allot of people on here.
I do have to agree that there needs to be more parenting done. Its not the schools its not the gov. that should punish someones kids misbehaving but the parents.
Dont 'worry about your comment. It only made me laugh. My daughter is the most important thing. She will never go to daycare and she will always have mom. :)
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post #45 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Crimsonhorse01 View Post
She will never go to daycare and she will always have mom. :)
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post #46 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 02:54 PM
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Rofl Spyder. I have no such dreams of living for ever. But I will always be there till I pass. I will try my hardest to set her up for success. She will be a strong independent woman with a strong family unit to help her succeed.
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post #47 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 03:56 PM
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Originally Posted by SmoothTrails View Post
While I do agree with the fact that there need ot be harsher punishments for bullies, I will also point out that many times they have issues as well. I have dealt with being bullied. I started out as a scared little kid, and horses were the thing that helped me. (along with an older male cousin that taught me to fight) There are many times that both the bully and the victim need someone to talk to. Many bullies are abused in some way by adults or other children.

I feel that parents should definitely monitor their children's internet usage more strongly. My parents did. They knew all my passwords until I was about 17. They knew who I talked to, who I argued with, and what most of it was about.

They never had to interfere for me, but I have had to intervene on my younger sister's behalf. The mother of a girl she was arguing with came and was screaming in her face at a baseball game. I just about went to jail, but I called over some other adults (I was only 18 so still difficult for me to get the idiot to back off). My sister was 15, and this woman was angry because her daughter didn't like that my sister was dating her ex. Kids can be stupid, and it gets worse when adults get in on it.

I will not have my kids having free access to the internet. I will have passwords, and if they change them they will not get back on until I have the new password. It worked with me, so I think that it sounds like a decent plan. If I ever have a child being bullied I will talk to them about coping skills, and I will hopefully have a younger family friend, aunt/uncle, etc to reinforce what I tell them.
That's the best thing that a parent can do.
My parents always made me fight my own battles. They gave me the tools to be able to cope with the fights but I knew I was on my own so I chose my battles carefully. I'm sure I was bullied as a kid but I'm also sure I was good at ignoring it or beating the crap out of the kid doing it (that was allowed back then as well as teachers using corporal punishment)
People are going to have to deal with bullies all their lives. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there. They will have to learn to deal with it. Its best if they do grow some thicker skin and the sooner the better.

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post #48 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 04:55 PM
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Personally I think it depends a bit on the child's age. If as a parent, with very little kid I'd interfere in pretty soon (and battle that battle for or besides of him or her) since I think very little kids can't deal with it yet like olders can do... With an older child I'd perhaps monitor the situation, talk over it and interfere in if it turned so bad that the child seemed to really be suffering from it. Personally I think solving the situation together with the child will learn him or her how to cope with it. But I also think it's finally adults' thing to stop the bullying if nothing else works since children need to be protected. Children need to have a some kind of authority in which to turn to if needed, just like adults would report a rough harasser to police or in some cases for example to their foreman.

About teachers, I'm still for it that I said earlier. I think it's a part of schools' and teachers' job and authority to stop bullying immediately, with help of other people like I brought up earlier. Same goes with work and bosses.

I also agree with someone (sorry I don't remember your name just now) who said that every method doesn't work with everyone. As a pretty sensitive person, I guess this 'grow a thicker skin' wouldn't work with me either, even luckily it never turned so really really bad that my parents would have needed to interfere in things. These people need other methods to cope with it. Depends a lot on your character and personality.

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Last edited by TaMMa89; 01-27-2010 at 04:59 PM.
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post #49 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 05:49 PM
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I guess I will be called "cold-hearted" for saying what I am about to say, but I have been picked on by other girls around school sometimes, and then again I am also on the side of the bully, because I do the same to them.

On the matter of the internet, if you don't want to be bullied through the web, then get off of the internet! I don't understand these kids who continuously go back to chat rooms where they know they will be picked on. It is as if they are looking for a reason for people to feel sorry for them.

As far as real life, if you are being bullied, tell an adult or buck up.

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post #50 of 77 Old 01-27-2010, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Vidaloco View Post
That's the best thing that a parent can do.
My parents always made me fight my own battles. They gave me the tools to be able to cope with the fights but I knew I was on my own so I chose my battles carefully. I'm sure I was bullied as a kid but I'm also sure I was good at ignoring it or beating the crap out of the kid doing it (that was allowed back then as well as teachers using corporal punishment)
People are going to have to deal with bullies all their lives. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there. They will have to learn to deal with it. Its best if they do grow some thicker skin and the sooner the better.
Well, I wasn't little too long ago. In my hoome town there are still paddles that are used when kids act up. My kids will always be on the list that can be paddled as well...lol. I was the kind of kid that stood up for myself and anyone else I saw being bullied, so I got in some trouble. The thing is that if there are people that will stand up and say "hey you, shove it" they normally back off. If they didn't I had no fear of being a "tattle-tale" either. I would call the teacher over out-loud and let them know that I just got them in trouble...lol.

I want my children to have the coping skills, but I will also monitor what is going on so that even if they don't tell me I can intervene and talk to my child about it. I also think that there shouldn't be such a fear of going "hey, your kid is say 1,2, and 3. You need to talk to them or I will bring the school into this." It's how my parents had to be with my little sister. She wasn't as thick skinned as me, and was more girly and in drama.
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