Buy a horse or have a child? - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Buy a horse or have a child?

Has anyone besides me struggled with this question?

I am almost 30 and have never felt the "itch" to have children, even though I sort of feel like I will have them eventually. Since I was a little girl, I have been OBSESSED with horses (in spite of my family not really supporting my riding--having to work to ride since age 9), but have never owned my own horse. At this stage in my life I can finally afford a horse, but I also feel like that might not be terribly responsible if I envision starting a family in the somewhat foreseeable future. Over the past several months I have been given the opportunity to potentially buy my horsey soulmate, which is really making me question whether I want kids at all. The thought of owning my first horse, let alone a horse this special to me, seems so genuinely true to myself. The more I struggle with this question, the less certain I become. DH also really wants kids, and I don't want to let him down. Anyone have any thoughts/experiences to share?
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post #2 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 02:40 PM
Green Broke
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That really is something that you and your significant other will have to decide.

My husband and I agreed on not having children. Its a decision we made before we were married and over a decade later I still do not regret that decision. It just was not for us. But it sounds like one person in your relationship wants children and it would not be fair (and downright selfish) to make that decision not to have them on your own. I see many long talks in your future.

As to horses "OR" children, well there are many people out there that can and do balance both. One does not mean the other is out. Just something to think about.

All I pay my psychiatrist is cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day!

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post #3 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 02:50 PM
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Unless you are SURE you want children, go for the horse. And if you aren't really POSITIVE you want children, please don't have any. Not everyone needs to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent, in SPITE of all the propaganda to do so.
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post #4 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 02:51 PM
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If you choose a horse now, and then decide to have kids, it is socially acceptable to sell, or lease out the horse while you are tied up with the whole child thing.

If you choose to have kids now, then decide you want a horse, people get twitchy if you list your kids on Craigslist

Seriously, it's a discussion for you and DH, but many people find that horses and kids are not mutually exclusive, jut HARD to balance time and money wise.

I rode a lot before having the kids, even owned a horse for a short time. I like many others took time out while they were small, and then really came back into it then. Good luck with your choices!
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post #5 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 02:52 PM
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Does it have to be an either/or situation?

It was never a question for me. I never wanted kids. Go team horse!!
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post #6 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 03:09 PM
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I'm just a little older than you, single, the owner of two horses, and just realizing that perhaps someday I do want children. In my case it's entirely dependent on whether or not I actually get married, but if I do it will be to someone who understands that while the horses may go on minimal care or even be leased if necessary, they are a part of me and I'd no more sell them than my dog. In my case, it's becoming more likely that I will look to adopt instead of having my own and probably an older child who isn't wanted by most people for whatever reason.

Like the others said though, this really is a conversation for you and your husband. Personally, you should NOT have children unless you are 1000% ready to be a mother in every sense of the word. There are too many unwanted children in this world to bring one into life who isn't wanted wholeheartedly by both parents. That's just my opinion of course...
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post #7 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 03:15 PM
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Your situation is pretty similar to mine- I was as horse crazy as it gets as a kid, but didn't get to start riding until I could both pay for it and drive myself. I've been riding for about 8 years now and the more time I spend with horses, the more time I want to spend with horses, to the point where I wish I could switch careers to something horse-related.

That desire to have kids eludes me, too. Fortunately for me, DH is of the same mindset (although it's unfortunate for his mother, since he's an only child)

Honestly, I don't know how I would manage to balance my job, my horse, and a kid. I certainly couldn't keep my current position (which requires me to fly to California twice a week on top of being a fairly high stress position to begin with)

As Cat said, though, it's not necessarily an either-or type situation. Half leasing can be a great option when you're looking at starting a family, both from a financial perspective and from a time perspective.

“The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.” - Buck Brannaman
"Nothing forced can ever be beautiful." - Xenophon
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post #8 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 03:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Golden Horse View Post

If you choose to have kids now, then decide you want a horse, people get twitchy if you list your kids on Craigslist
Is ebay any better??

Really, this is a personal decision. I thought I'd never have kids, and to be honest I would have been happy enough not to... BUT, now that they are here I have two gorgeous (a bit biased there) mini people who I love with all my heart.

I did lose out on a good bit of horse time, heck I still do. A few years ago I finally got my time back to riding, was getting out 5 times and week and BAM! who finds out she's 6 months prego? Yep, that's me. So, my horse got to be a pasture puff for a while. He got about 7-8 months off (pregnancy and c section recovery) so stand around doing nothing but eat, relax and eat. Now.. I get to enjoy going out riding with my daughter. I always have somebody to go hacking with.

I make it work. Everybody can make whatever life throws at them work. Saying this, if you don't want to have kids then don't... but you've got to be honest with your partner. What suits one person, may not suit you. What suits you, won't suit somebody else.

Kids are a big commitment. There's no going back once they are there.

Stop for a minute, open your mind, learn. You may not agree with what I say, I may not agree with what you say but we will both learn something new.
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post #9 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 03:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Maple View Post

Kids are a big commitment. There's no going back once they are there.
Unless the ebay option does work
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post #10 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 03:58 PM
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Unless you are SURE you want a horse, go for the children. And if you aren't really POSITIVE you want a horse, please don't have any. Not everyone needs to be a horseowner. Not everyone SHOULD be a horse owner in SPITE of all the propaganda to do so.

Lol. I had to do that because both are a long term responsibility but this doesn't have to be an either/or choice. And both don't need to start at the same time. A good parent has more beyond the child(ren) and if a horseowner without life beyond horses is either competing or obsessive.
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