Buy a horse or have a child? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:01 PM
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I would say that at least half of all people who become parents did not have a huge , overwhelming drive to have them. they had a "when the time is right, maybe" sort of level of passion. I know I did. I had my first at 32, second at 38, and we still didn't think the "time was right", but it happened.
But, no horse could have brought me the personal development that motherhood has. I know that people say that their horses,dogs, or other pet are their "children", but it is not the same.
I sometimes do wish I could sell my children, or at least the older one, but when I think of how important my familial relations are to my siblings and parents, I think of how important it is to keep that human chain going.

true, not everyone should be a parent, and since it does not have the temporary nature of pet/horse ownership, it should not be taken on lightly. But, do not worry that you do not have a drving passion to have a baby. most of us parents didnt, at the time, but we are glad we did.
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post #12 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:02 PM
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horses or kids.

i have solved that problem my horses are my kids.
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post #13 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:22 PM
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I was never sure I wanted kids, had no real desires in that direction. Got pretty much pushed into having 2. I'm STILL sorry. Kids deserve a decent mother, and I just wasn't. Hard to be a good mother when you resent your children. Not ALL people should be parents, and if more people realized that, there would be a HUGE drop in abused and/or abandoned children. Unless you truly KNOW you want kids, don't do it just because you MIGHT be glad later.
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post #14 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:42 PM
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I do want children, but at this point in my life I'm 30, divorced, and more or less single and free to do what I want. The only thing holding me back from horse ownership at this point is my permanency at work (I'm technically a long-term contractor with an extremely likely chance I will be made a permanent part of the team). Once that changes, I will be horse/long-ear shopping til I drop. But I also don't have a steady relationship (I am dating a guy but it is very fresh and somewhat tenuous at this point, no real commitments), and no immediate prospects for children in the near future.

Do I WANT children? Absolutely. I enjoy kids and I think building a family is going to be an extremely important part of my life. I want to be married and more settled to be ready for babies. A horse is an easier "out" than a baby- if having the horse becomes too much, I can sell.

Horses get more difficult to enjoy when you have a family, especially while kids are young. It's not impossible, as many other members have pointed out, but just makes things more complicated. If you want a horse, can afford a horse, and are able to commit to the time needed to fulfill your dream of riding, I say strike while the iron is hot and live the dream while you have a chance. It might need to be shelved after a time, but it's always something you can come back to.

It's a personal choice, but it's one best made with your husband's input. If he REALLY wants kids and you're more or less on the "whatever" scale, make sure that buying a horse and putting off his want for a family isn't going to cause friction.
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post #15 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:43 PM
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Originally Posted by evilc123 View Post
Has anyone besides me struggled with this question?

I am almost 30 and have never felt the "itch" to have children, even though I sort of feel like I will have them eventually. Since I was a little girl, I have been OBSESSED with horses (in spite of my family not really supporting my riding--having to work to ride since age 9), but have never owned my own horse. At this stage in my life I can finally afford a horse, but I also feel like that might not be terribly responsible if I envision starting a family in the somewhat foreseeable future. Over the past several months I have been given the opportunity to potentially buy my horsey soulmate, which is really making me question whether I want kids at all. The thought of owning my first horse, let alone a horse this special to me, seems so genuinely true to myself. The more I struggle with this question, the less certain I become. DH also really wants kids, and I don't want to let him down. Anyone have any thoughts/experiences to share?
I did not struggle with it at all. I never wanted kids. I also made that very clear to any significant others.
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post #16 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 04:58 PM
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child thats a pony.

i thought i would leave this as food for thought as we take a lot in life for granted.
tricky is 30 years old now and had him since he was a foal.
i did a test today that was just to sit on a sulky motionless with no contact on the reins and i did not speak a word at all so he was on his own.
so we continued down the track and perfectley went inbetween 2 metal posts on his own and he is blinkerd.
there is a buzy road at the end of it and the end of the track turns in to a triangle so you can eather go left or right but he navagated to the middle and done 180 turn on the spot and walked back its funny his ears kept listerning back wards for me and went through the posts again perfectley we did 500 yards and i asked him to stop he did.
he had got over the worry that i was not around when i spoke to him.
i have come to the conclusion un aided but sighlentley under supervision this pony has evolved in to a child.
i love him and respect him and to me his a son.
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post #17 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 05:21 PM
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I managed to have kids and horses - and then the kids had ponies and then horses. I also worked to help support my horse habit. Its hard but it can be done, you just have to sacrifice other things like nights out because you're too busy or too exhausted to be bothered.
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post #18 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 05:24 PM
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I never wanted kids but significant other did.

I'm literally headed to the hospital in an hour to get induced as I'm three days overdue with my first.

I also have three horses between my sister and myself. Bought one just a month ago as she was a deal I couldn't pass up.

Lots of people manage just fine. I'm looking forward to having a child now to share my love of horses with and my husband is absolutely thrilled to be having a baby.

Not to mention now I'll get to buy a pony lol.
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post #19 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 05:38 PM
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I agree, there are a lot of people who manage both just fine. My parents did and my brother does (my folks just had 2, Jason has 3). However, it can be hard to balance time and money between the two.

Anyway, like others have said, this is really something that you and DH should talk about in depth. I am also 30 and I have never wanted kids. I still don't. I like my "me" time and I like to be able to sit around in a quiet room or go for a 6 hour ride whenever I feel like it. I'm selfish in that regard and kids just annoy me. Honestly, I get so tired of people saying "It's different when they're yours" or "you'll change your mind". Maybe I will and maybe I won't but that's my decision.

I'm not cut out to be a mother, I know that. I probably could adequately raise a child and not have them turn into a serial murderer, but I think there should be some higher confidence there LOL.
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post #20 of 55 Old 04-17-2014, 05:45 PM
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Keep in mind that I am young, but count me in with those who don't want kids. People tell me I'll change my mind, but I honestly cannot stand children.
I was having a conversation with someone when I first got my puppy. It went like this:
Me: "yeah, but my puppy only needs a couple months of constant supervision, then she'll be fine. You can't leave kids alone for YEARS. *shudder*
Other person: gave me a funny look

I am perfectly content to be surrounded by dogs and horses and books and friends. I don't even like dating much, I can't imagine ever wanting to be married or any of it. I might change my mind, but where kids are concerned, I doubt I will.
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"But I can tell you this: When you get to square ten, all of square one will be in it." RayHunt
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