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Buy a horse or have a child?

5K views 54 replies 34 participants last post by  HowClever 
#1 ·
Has anyone besides me struggled with this question?

I am almost 30 and have never felt the "itch" to have children, even though I sort of feel like I will have them eventually. Since I was a little girl, I have been OBSESSED with horses (in spite of my family not really supporting my riding--having to work to ride since age 9), but have never owned my own horse. At this stage in my life I can finally afford a horse, but I also feel like that might not be terribly responsible if I envision starting a family in the somewhat foreseeable future. Over the past several months I have been given the opportunity to potentially buy my horsey soulmate, which is really making me question whether I want kids at all. The thought of owning my first horse, let alone a horse this special to me, seems so genuinely true to myself. The more I struggle with this question, the less certain I become. DH also really wants kids, and I don't want to let him down. Anyone have any thoughts/experiences to share?
 
#2 ·
That really is something that you and your significant other will have to decide.

My husband and I agreed on not having children. Its a decision we made before we were married and over a decade later I still do not regret that decision. It just was not for us. But it sounds like one person in your relationship wants children and it would not be fair (and downright selfish) to make that decision not to have them on your own. I see many long talks in your future.

As to horses "OR" children, well there are many people out there that can and do balance both. One does not mean the other is out. Just something to think about.
 
#21 ·
This. If there's any question about it then I would be inclined to say don't go for the children!

You can sell or lease out a horse if you end up having children and don't have time or money for the horse. Like others have said, I know quite a few people that own one or more horses while having one or more kids.
 
#4 ·
If you choose a horse now, and then decide to have kids, it is socially acceptable to sell, or lease out the horse while you are tied up with the whole child thing.

If you choose to have kids now, then decide you want a horse, people get twitchy if you list your kids on Craigslist:wink:

Seriously, it's a discussion for you and DH, but many people find that horses and kids are not mutually exclusive, jut HARD to balance time and money wise.

I rode a lot before having the kids, even owned a horse for a short time. I like many others took time out while they were small, and then really came back into it then. Good luck with your choices!
 
#8 ·
If you choose to have kids now, then decide you want a horse, people get twitchy if you list your kids on Craigslist:wink:
Is ebay any better?? :lol:

Really, this is a personal decision. I thought I'd never have kids, and to be honest I would have been happy enough not to... BUT, now that they are here I have two gorgeous (a bit biased there) mini people who I love with all my heart.

I did lose out on a good bit of horse time, heck I still do. A few years ago I finally got my time back to riding, was getting out 5 times and week and BAM! who finds out she's 6 months prego? Yep, that's me. :-x So, my horse got to be a pasture puff for a while. He got about 7-8 months off (pregnancy and c section recovery) so stand around doing nothing but eat, relax and eat. Now.. I get to enjoy going out riding with my daughter. I always have somebody to go hacking with. :D

I make it work. Everybody can make whatever life throws at them work. Saying this, if you don't want to have kids then don't... but you've got to be honest with your partner. What suits one person, may not suit you. What suits you, won't suit somebody else.

Kids are a big commitment. There's no going back once they are there.
 
#6 ·
I'm just a little older than you, single, the owner of two horses, and just realizing that perhaps someday I do want children. In my case it's entirely dependent on whether or not I actually get married, but if I do it will be to someone who understands that while the horses may go on minimal care or even be leased if necessary, they are a part of me and I'd no more sell them than my dog. In my case, it's becoming more likely that I will look to adopt instead of having my own and probably an older child who isn't wanted by most people for whatever reason.

Like the others said though, this really is a conversation for you and your husband. Personally, you should NOT have children unless you are 1000% ready to be a mother in every sense of the word. There are too many unwanted children in this world to bring one into life who isn't wanted wholeheartedly by both parents. That's just my opinion of course...
 
#7 ·
Your situation is pretty similar to mine- I was as horse crazy as it gets as a kid, but didn't get to start riding until I could both pay for it and drive myself. I've been riding for about 8 years now and the more time I spend with horses, the more time I want to spend with horses, to the point where I wish I could switch careers to something horse-related.

That desire to have kids eludes me, too. Fortunately for me, DH is of the same mindset (although it's unfortunate for his mother, since he's an only child)

Honestly, I don't know how I would manage to balance my job, my horse, and a kid. I certainly couldn't keep my current position (which requires me to fly to California twice a week on top of being a fairly high stress position to begin with)

As Cat said, though, it's not necessarily an either-or type situation. Half leasing can be a great option when you're looking at starting a family, both from a financial perspective and from a time perspective.
 
#10 ·
Unless you are SURE you want a horse, go for the children. And if you aren't really POSITIVE you want a horse, please don't have any. Not everyone needs to be a horseowner. Not everyone SHOULD be a horse owner in SPITE of all the propaganda to do so.

Lol. I had to do that because both are a long term responsibility but this doesn't have to be an either/or choice. And both don't need to start at the same time. A good parent has more beyond the child(ren) and if a horseowner without life beyond horses is either competing or obsessive.
 
#11 ·
I would say that at least half of all people who become parents did not have a huge , overwhelming drive to have them. they had a "when the time is right, maybe" sort of level of passion. I know I did. I had my first at 32, second at 38, and we still didn't think the "time was right", but it happened.
But, no horse could have brought me the personal development that motherhood has. I know that people say that their horses,dogs, or other pet are their "children", but it is not the same.
I sometimes do wish I could sell my children, or at least the older one, but when I think of how important my familial relations are to my siblings and parents, I think of how important it is to keep that human chain going.

true, not everyone should be a parent, and since it does not have the temporary nature of pet/horse ownership, it should not be taken on lightly. But, do not worry that you do not have a drving passion to have a baby. most of us parents didnt, at the time, but we are glad we did.
 
#13 ·
I was never sure I wanted kids, had no real desires in that direction. Got pretty much pushed into having 2. I'm STILL sorry. Kids deserve a decent mother, and I just wasn't. Hard to be a good mother when you resent your children. Not ALL people should be parents, and if more people realized that, there would be a HUGE drop in abused and/or abandoned children. Unless you truly KNOW you want kids, don't do it just because you MIGHT be glad later.
 
#14 ·
I do want children, but at this point in my life I'm 30, divorced, and more or less single and free to do what I want. The only thing holding me back from horse ownership at this point is my permanency at work (I'm technically a long-term contractor with an extremely likely chance I will be made a permanent part of the team). Once that changes, I will be horse/long-ear shopping til I drop. But I also don't have a steady relationship (I am dating a guy but it is very fresh and somewhat tenuous at this point, no real commitments), and no immediate prospects for children in the near future.

Do I WANT children? Absolutely. I enjoy kids and I think building a family is going to be an extremely important part of my life. I want to be married and more settled to be ready for babies. A horse is an easier "out" than a baby- if having the horse becomes too much, I can sell.

Horses get more difficult to enjoy when you have a family, especially while kids are young. It's not impossible, as many other members have pointed out, but just makes things more complicated. If you want a horse, can afford a horse, and are able to commit to the time needed to fulfill your dream of riding, I say strike while the iron is hot and live the dream while you have a chance. It might need to be shelved after a time, but it's always something you can come back to.

It's a personal choice, but it's one best made with your husband's input. If he REALLY wants kids and you're more or less on the "whatever" scale, make sure that buying a horse and putting off his want for a family isn't going to cause friction.
 
#15 ·
Has anyone besides me struggled with this question?

I am almost 30 and have never felt the "itch" to have children, even though I sort of feel like I will have them eventually. Since I was a little girl, I have been OBSESSED with horses (in spite of my family not really supporting my riding--having to work to ride since age 9), but have never owned my own horse. At this stage in my life I can finally afford a horse, but I also feel like that might not be terribly responsible if I envision starting a family in the somewhat foreseeable future. Over the past several months I have been given the opportunity to potentially buy my horsey soulmate, which is really making me question whether I want kids at all. The thought of owning my first horse, let alone a horse this special to me, seems so genuinely true to myself. The more I struggle with this question, the less certain I become. DH also really wants kids, and I don't want to let him down. Anyone have any thoughts/experiences to share?
I did not struggle with it at all. I never wanted kids. I also made that very clear to any significant others.
 
#16 ·
child thats a pony.

i thought i would leave this as food for thought as we take a lot in life for granted.
tricky is 30 years old now and had him since he was a foal.
i did a test today that was just to sit on a sulky motionless with no contact on the reins and i did not speak a word at all so he was on his own.
so we continued down the track and perfectley went inbetween 2 metal posts on his own and he is blinkerd.
there is a buzy road at the end of it and the end of the track turns in to a triangle so you can eather go left or right but he navagated to the middle and done 180 turn on the spot and walked back its funny his ears kept listerning back wards for me and went through the posts again perfectley we did 500 yards and i asked him to stop he did.
he had got over the worry that i was not around when i spoke to him.
i have come to the conclusion un aided but sighlentley under supervision this pony has evolved in to a child.
i love him and respect him and to me his a son.
 
#17 ·
I managed to have kids and horses - and then the kids had ponies and then horses. I also worked to help support my horse habit. Its hard but it can be done, you just have to sacrifice other things like nights out because you're too busy or too exhausted to be bothered.
 
#18 ·
I never wanted kids but significant other did.

I'm literally headed to the hospital in an hour to get induced as I'm three days overdue with my first.

I also have three horses between my sister and myself. Bought one just a month ago as she was a deal I couldn't pass up.

Lots of people manage just fine. I'm looking forward to having a child now to share my love of horses with and my husband is absolutely thrilled to be having a baby.

Not to mention now I'll get to buy a pony lol.
 
#19 ·
I agree, there are a lot of people who manage both just fine. My parents did and my brother does (my folks just had 2, Jason has 3). However, it can be hard to balance time and money between the two.

Anyway, like others have said, this is really something that you and DH should talk about in depth. I am also 30 and I have never wanted kids. I still don't. I like my "me" time and I like to be able to sit around in a quiet room or go for a 6 hour ride whenever I feel like it. I'm selfish in that regard and kids just annoy me. Honestly, I get so tired of people saying "It's different when they're yours" or "you'll change your mind". :evil: Maybe I will and maybe I won't but that's my decision.

I'm not cut out to be a mother, I know that. I probably could adequately raise a child and not have them turn into a serial murderer, but I think there should be some higher confidence there LOL.
 
#20 ·
Keep in mind that I am young, but count me in with those who don't want kids. People tell me I'll change my mind, but I honestly cannot stand children.
I was having a conversation with someone when I first got my puppy. It went like this:
Me: "yeah, but my puppy only needs a couple months of constant supervision, then she'll be fine. You can't leave kids alone for YEARS. *shudder*
Other person: gave me a funny look

I am perfectly content to be surrounded by dogs and horses and books and friends. I don't even like dating much, I can't imagine ever wanting to be married or any of it. I might change my mind, but where kids are concerned, I doubt I will.
 
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#23 ·
My parents did both as well, although they both gradually got out of horses, it was more that their interest waned and other passions took it's place. My dad bought 2 TWH weaning when I was 3 months old and their brother the next year. We had them until their deaths at 23, 27, and 30. Horses don't mind "sitting" in the pasture eating and being horses, they don't mind just being groomed, or just giving pony rides either. There is something nice to be said about watching your (a) child learn to ride on your horse or seeing your horse love on your (a) child.

I'm not a mother and I don't know if I ever will be, I love kids, and am fairly certain I would be a very good mother, but I also love my animals and am completely content if I never have children. I also have some lovely godchildren (6 at last count) and at least one, probably three or four who would come to me if anything happened to their parents. Although, like I said, I'll probably end up fostering and/or adopting someday so I'll end up having kids no matter what happens in life. If I marry I probably would not marry someone who had a burning crazy desire to have his own biological children, I'm getting older and do not personally agree with fertility treatments and I wouldn't want to take something like that away from someone else.

Boy that was just a whole ball of ramble, wasn't it? Please excuse, I'm sick and just woke up from nap. :lol:
 
#27 ·
My kids don't demand such things, but a lot of thought planning and sacrifice goes into kids. When money gets tighter than possible due to circumstances you can't control you cannot sell or lease kids.
I had horses when I was a kid, as a young adult and sold when I started thinking of kids. Then, at the age my kids could enjoy them and I wouldn't have to worry about diapers and stalls at the same time I got back into horses and drug one kid with me. The others are welcome- but only visit the barn to chat, not live in it like oldest and I can.
So- get a horse I'd say. Or, lease a horse, with a purchase option.
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#33 ·
I agree 100%, however, there are a LOT of unwanted children out there in addition to the ones that are wanted. It's really nice that as a society we are moving towards it being acceptable to not have children if you don't truly want them. Hopefully that will help keep some people from having children they don't want.

Also, just because you don't want kids doesn't mean you aren't willing "put up with the long term committment and put off their own wants and needs for someone else." You might just recognize that you aren't going to be the best parent in the world or that you are unwilling to be selfish enough to bring a child into the world alone. Trying to find a SO is not always an "easy" process... Especially once you hit a certain age or if you life in more rural communities.
 
#34 ·
Kind of a funny "decision", but to examine the options is definitely a responsible thing to do to. My horses tend to be "cradle to grave", and shortly before I got pregnant I purchased a 2 yo filly that I had wanted from the day she hit the ground, but she wasn't for sale until the day I bought her. :) I didn't actually need another horse, and at the time I wasn't "thinking" in terms of future children, I was only thinking of what I wanted. However, if I were in your position and currently had no horses, I would look at it as a great opportunity to shop for a single horse with the temperament/abilities with a future child in mind and not "just me"...a compromise of sorts. Just a thought.
 
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