Calling all parents advice wanted - The Horse Forum
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
Started
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn whenever possible.
Posts: 1,910
• Horses: 2
Calling all parents advice wanted

This is for the parents on the board.

I need your advice, but before I can ask, I need to give you some background information.

1. My daughter is 17 and doesn't understand the value of things. She's had more cell phones bought for her that's she's lost, broke, or whatever. (I've quit buying them for her) This includes a mp3 player that was like the Ipod Nano that we paid close to $300 for a couple of yrs ago. So she just looked at me and said..well, now you can buy me an Ipod. I refused. Her uncle bought her one for Christmas.

So I give her the ground rules. Absolutely NO taking it to school, otherwise it's mine.

Yesterday I found out she took her Ipod to school. I took it away from her. She didn't fight me or make any arguements about why I shouldn't take it away.

Now..I'm wondering. She's 17. Should I just hand her the Ipod, let her do whatever with it and if she loses it..its just gone? Let her figure this out on her own? I mean she's going to 18 soon. If she doesn't learn now..when is she going to learn?

Or do I stick by my word and keep it?

What would you do?

"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Plains Drifter is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 10:10 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In a land far far away, or so I wish.
Posts: 12,825
• Horses: 0
I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.
Alwaysbehind is offline  
post #3 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 10:16 AM
mls
Trained
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 5,464
• Horses: 3
Unless you are going to follow her around for the next 50 years, I suggest you have a chat and lay things on the line.

Long past time for her to be responsible for her own things.
mls is offline  
post #4 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 10:35 AM
Weanling
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: NW WA
Posts: 610
• Horses: 2
You lose a lot of ground if you go back on your word. Whether taking it away was the right thing or not, if you change your mind she'll realize that she can walk all over you. Just because she's approaching the age where she's on her own, doesn't mean that you can quit now. Long after she graduates and moves out she'll be relying on you for things and if you don't have some ground rules you'll be her stepping stone and she'll walk all over you.

I teach high school...don't back down, don't stop caring, and remind her that as long as she lives in your house, it's your rules. Once you give it back to her, maybe tell her that if it's lost or stolen, it's her deal now. Whatever you do, don't change your rule now.


Joni
Fowl Play is offline  
post #5 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 10:41 AM Thread Starter
Started
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In the barn whenever possible.
Posts: 1,910
• Horses: 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind View Post
I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.
Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.

"Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole and, once it has done so, he will have to accept that his life will be radically changed." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Last edited by Plains Drifter; 03-03-2010 at 10:44 AM.
Plains Drifter is offline  
post #6 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 11:29 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,289
• Horses: 0
I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.
maura is offline  
post #7 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 11:31 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In a land far far away, or so I wish.
Posts: 12,825
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by maura View Post
I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.
I totally agree!
Alwaysbehind is offline  
post #8 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 11:40 AM
mls
Trained
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 5,464
• Horses: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plains Drifter View Post
Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.
If it was none of our business, you should of e-mailed a friend instead of posting on a public board.

Sometimes the advice that ticks us off - does so because it hits too close to the truth.

She's nearly 18. Age of voting, age to be drafted to war, age declared an adult. The rest of the world sees her age - not her maturity level.

Tough love mom. You told her what the consequences would be - follow through.
mls is offline  
post #9 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 12:58 PM
Trained
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,310
• Horses: 0
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plains Drifter View Post
Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.

I would have a new I-pod to listen to after putting MY music on it.


And I agree with mls's reply . Unless there are special circumstances that
Would change my perspective of the issue

I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within. Douglas MacArthur

Last edited by RegalCharm; 03-03-2010 at 01:01 PM.
RegalCharm is online now  
post #10 of 17 Old 03-03-2010, 01:03 PM
Green Broke
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,850
• Horses: 2
Many years ago, my mother gave me some very good advice concerning disciplining a child. " Never threaten with a punishment you are not prepared to carry out." My children learned at an early age that what I said would be carried out.

Stick to you guns Mom. To backslide now would teach her that there are no consequences or substance to your rules.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says, "Oh crap, she's up!".
Walkamile is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.



User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
bad day (parents) Jr_lover General Off Topic Discussion 12 02-07-2011 02:05 PM
~ Breeding Older Mare -- Advice wanted flamingauburnmustang Horse Breeding 21 11-25-2009 08:01 AM
AUSSIES WANTED FOR ADVICE!! or anyone who "knows" horse floats -xx-sally-xx- Horse Trailers 6 11-24-2009 08:18 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome