Calling all parents advice wanted
 
 

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Calling all parents advice wanted

This is a discussion on Calling all parents advice wanted within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • Forum advice for equestrian parents

 
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    03-03-2010, 10:42 AM
  #1
Started
Calling all parents advice wanted

This is for the parents on the board.

I need your advice, but before I can ask, I need to give you some background information.

1. My daughter is 17 and doesn't understand the value of things. She's had more cell phones bought for her that's she's lost, broke, or whatever. (I've quit buying them for her) This includes a mp3 player that was like the Ipod Nano that we paid close to $300 for a couple of yrs ago. So she just looked at me and said..well, now you can buy me an Ipod. I refused. Her uncle bought her one for Christmas.

So I give her the ground rules. Absolutely NO taking it to school, otherwise it's mine.

Yesterday I found out she took her Ipod to school. I took it away from her. She didn't fight me or make any arguements about why I shouldn't take it away.

Now..I'm wondering. She's 17. Should I just hand her the Ipod, let her do whatever with it and if she loses it..its just gone? Let her figure this out on her own? I mean she's going to 18 soon. If she doesn't learn now..when is she going to learn?

Or do I stick by my word and keep it?

What would you do?
     
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    03-03-2010, 11:10 AM
  #2
Banned
I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.
     
    03-03-2010, 11:16 AM
  #3
mls
Trained
Unless you are going to follow her around for the next 50 years, I suggest you have a chat and lay things on the line.

Long past time for her to be responsible for her own things.
     
    03-03-2010, 11:35 AM
  #4
Weanling
You lose a lot of ground if you go back on your word. Whether taking it away was the right thing or not, if you change your mind she'll realize that she can walk all over you. Just because she's approaching the age where she's on her own, doesn't mean that you can quit now. Long after she graduates and moves out she'll be relying on you for things and if you don't have some ground rules you'll be her stepping stone and she'll walk all over you.

I teach high school...don't back down, don't stop caring, and remind her that as long as she lives in your house, it's your rules. Once you give it back to her, maybe tell her that if it's lost or stolen, it's her deal now. Whatever you do, don't change your rule now.
     
    03-03-2010, 11:41 AM
  #5
Started
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alwaysbehind    
I am sorry if this comes off as rude, but why are you suddenly caring that she is materialistic with no sense of responsibility now that she is almost 18 instead of working on this when she was younger so it did not happen?

I personally would take the Ipod away for good and that would be the end of it. You had a rule, she broke it. Done.
Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.
     
    03-03-2010, 12:29 PM
  #6
Banned
I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.
     
    03-03-2010, 12:31 PM
  #7
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by maura    
I think it's important that you maintain credibility. You told her losing it would be the consequence, it's too late to debate whether or not that's the correct consequence.

You told her losing it would be the consequence of her taking it to school, she took it to schoo, she loses it. Don't second guess yourself now, just do it.
I totally agree!
     
    03-03-2010, 12:40 PM
  #8
mls
Trained
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plains Drifter    
Long story which is, without being as rude as you, none of your business and something I don't want to air.

Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.
If it was none of our business, you should of e-mailed a friend instead of posting on a public board.

Sometimes the advice that ticks us off - does so because it hits too close to the truth.

She's nearly 18. Age of voting, age to be drafted to war, age declared an adult. The rest of the world sees her age - not her maturity level.

Tough love mom. You told her what the consequences would be - follow through.
     
    03-03-2010, 01:58 PM
  #9
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Plains Drifter    
Just wanted to know what others would do in this situation.

I would have a new I-pod to listen to after putting MY music on it.


And I agree with mls's reply . Unless there are special circumstances that
Would change my perspective of the issue
     
    03-03-2010, 02:03 PM
  #10
Green Broke
Many years ago, my mother gave me some very good advice concerning disciplining a child. " Never threaten with a punishment you are not prepared to carry out." My children learned at an early age that what I said would be carried out.

Stick to you guns Mom. To backslide now would teach her that there are no consequences or substance to your rules.
     

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