Can't sleep, need to vent about my Mom!! - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:33 AM Thread Starter
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Can't sleep, need to vent about my Mom!!

So I get up go use the bathroom before going to sleep and I find a Yankee Candle pillar jar lit even though she has been in bed for an hour! I come home all the time and find them lit when she has gone to bed or has left the house!! I try to explain to her over and over again why its not ok to leave candles burning.

1) it could start a fire. She seems not to think so because its a glass jar candle and its in a holder. Oh yeah, and we have home owners insurance so even.of it does happen she seems to think they will just pay to replace it. I also try to explain that you cannot replace memories! Photos, art, etc.

2) we don't have a smoke detector! If she wants to risk her life fine... But the lives of her kids and our neighbors (we live in a condo).

3) its expensive! Those candles are $30 a pop and she isn't even around to enjoy of half the time.

Of course, nothing will happen to her though! Really?? It says it right on the lable not to leave it unattended because its fire hazard! We had a neighbor leave a coffee pot on the downstairs apartment. The upstairs and other downstairs apartment also caught fire, got flooded and sustained damage. The whole building row (each unit has 4 apartments and they are in rows of 4) all sustained smoke damage. I sent her photos of the flames, the hoses, the people displaced from their homes... Did it change her mind? Not for a second.

Just the complete disregard for the well being of others is what makes me the most upset. Every time she leaves that candle lit at night she is putting me, my sister, our neighbors and herself in danger but its obviously of no concern to her!

Her house, her rules, but this is ridiculous!

Sorry, I really just needed to get this off my chest. I'm so frustrated from this I can't fall asleep!
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post #2 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:39 AM
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Hmmmm I thought insurance won't cover you if you don't have working smoke detectors?

Yeah I can see your concern.....I have two little kids and I don't light candles anymore because I don't like the thought of them setting my house ablaze....
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post #3 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:45 AM Thread Starter
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Hmmmm I thought insurance won't cover you if you don't have working smoke detectors?

Yeah I can see your concern.....I have two little kids and I don't light candles anymore because I don't like the thought of them setting my house ablaze....
Honestly, I tried to tell her that too. Idk if that's even legal to not have them. I'm surprised living in a group situation they aren't hardwired into the building. Plus, I don't think insurance will pay out if they find out the fire was do to negligence. My mom seems to think they just hand out money when a fire happens.

I'm just going to buy a smoke detector this weekend I think, not that I really have spare money sitting around.
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post #4 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:46 AM
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We don't light candles in the house- outside of the bathroom, period. If I'm having a bath and am feeling extra sappy then I will, but otherwise they're just too dangerous. We keep them around for power outages and to decorate with (unlit) Christmas candles on the holidays, but nothing else.

I don't really have any advice, I'd maybe call your insurance company to see if you'd even be covered if a candle SHE lit caused a fire while she was sleeping or out, and if they wont then have them speak to her?
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post #5 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:53 AM Thread Starter
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I don't think all the advice in the world could advise her otherwise, unfortunately. I sent her photos of our neighbors apartment with flames shooting out of it from a stupid coffee pot.

It's not like I want her to stop burning them. I like them and I would burn them too! But is it really that big a deal to blow the candle out before bed or before you leave the house?? I don't think I'm asking a lot. It's just common sense! And common courtesy to your neighbors.

I'm just more or less at my wits end and frustrated so I can't sleep. Then I'm frustrated about not being able to sleep... Boy I'm in trouble tomorrow!
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post #6 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 12:57 AM
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I'm sorry you have to be so torn up about this, unfortunately there's nothing you can do if she refuses to listen, except check for lit candles after she goes to sleep and blow them out, teach your siblings to do the same thing- if mom isn't in the room and they see a candle burning, blow it out. Also make sure they're familiar with an action plan in case of fire (stop, drop and roll, stay low, get out the nearest exit, call 911) and install some smoke detectors yourself. Try to keep yourself and your siblings as safe as possible and don't stress yourself too much.
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post #7 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 01:03 AM Thread Starter
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Good thing my only other sibling is going to be 23 in a month and a day from today! ;) I still worry about her though. I live part time at my girlfriends house, she has to stay here 24/7.

Yeah, I'm not looking for anything to do about it. I'll keep at my same speech, recite the same lines, give her the stats, etc.

I really just need to be done with my R.N. Already, get a job and get out.
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post #8 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 03:16 AM
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Well, I have 2 fireplaces. I have a collection of candles in one and don't remember the last time we ever used the other for a fire. Perhaps you could suggest that she limit the location of her candles to the fireplace as "solution".

There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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post #9 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 03:30 AM
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GET A SMOKE DETECTOR!!!! They are very cheap insurance for your safety. It is true they save lives. Get one for each floor of your condo. As far as the candle, my best suggestion is to check behind your mom if she won't put them out you do it. After she has to relight them a few times she my get the hint.
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post #10 of 24 Old 06-15-2013, 03:38 AM
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Lol! Oops. I don't know, something about your post had me assuming you have kiddies in the house. still, though, you SHOULD have a plan just in case.
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