Chivalry. It's dead. Rant. - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 03:01 AM Thread Starter
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Chivalry. It's dead. Rant.

Chivalry is dead. In fact, it's deader than dead, decomposed and regrown into skeptical rudeness and self-entitled attitudes.

It started yesterday. Mom had sent me to the store to pick up some ingredients for dinner, no problem for me. I'm supposed to get the ingredients, get home, and drive some over to my grandmother so that she has some dinner. The trip to the store is typical. In, out. No problem. Fastforward to the drive home.

I take a northbound left onto the highway and start homeward. About... 2000 feet from the store-turn off, there's a car in the southbound lane, sideways, partially on the shoulder in a snow bank, hazards blinking. Not clear enough? This car looks like it SPUN OUT! My first instinct is to stop, but there's oncoming traffic. I watch them, hoping someone will stop, or at least slow down. Thirteen cars, not. one. stops. Watching these people blow by the spun out lookalike is dismaying and makes my heart sink. Headlights in the last car in the line outlines the figure of a head, which is scary. If the driver spun out, they could be injured. This steels my resolve, I drive to the next stop light, take a left onto some side road, flip a uie, go back, take a southbound right, and pull up behind the spun out car. Get out, slam the door shut, run as fast as I can to the car. I reach it and knock on the window when I realize that the driver is ok. She looks up and immediately, her face lights up and she grins a very thankful grin. She gets out of the car. She ran out of gas and realized that she was sitting on E as she was headed home, thought to flip a uie and catch the southbound lane back to the gas station two turn lanes back. Her car puttered out mid-turn and the car died, barely getting her to the shoulder before giving up on her.

She spent 20 minutes, sitting in her car in 15f weather with no heat, trying to call people to come help, looking like she SPUN OUT, and people just.. drove by her. She couldn't leave the car because, oh hey, pushing it is a two person job and none of her contacts were available to help. She would have been stuck there if I hadn't stopped, because no one else was going to stop, until either a cop showed up, or her mom had finished the hour-long pilgrimage from her place of work to the city in which she lives. 15 degrees may be better than the negatives we've been having, but it's STILL below freezing. Why couldn't anyone stop?!

I mean, seriously. The way I was raised is to stop when you see hazards, to offer help, to be cautious but courteous with strangers, and remember that the way you treat stranded strangers should always be the same way you'd want to be treated. I was also raised in an isolated town, one that you must traverse a 36 mile long canyon to get to any big cities, one that has absolutely no cell reception. If you break down in the canyon, you're stranded until someone stops to help you. Period. Unless you walk the canyon, which few people choose to do. I was raised with the mentality that no cell reception means you are alone if you break down. Being alone and in an isolated canyon is not favorable. You are often stuck relying on people's kindness. It pays to be the one being kind, because if I ever broke down in the canyon, I would desperately hope that someone would stop to help or at least check on me.

When we moved out of our town, my mentality was changed. Cities usually have exceptional cell service. Cell service obviously means that people can take care of themselves, right? So we stop to help people less. I can understand this, truly, I can. This means that I won't necessarily stop and bug you if I see you pulled over. This doesn't, however, mean that I completely discredit you being broken down. Whenever I pass a car with hazards, I slow down and try to see what's going on. If something seems really wrong, I stop. If it doesn't, I press on and send my best wishes to the car I just passed. If I happen to have to travel back by the area in which the person was stopped, I always keep an eye out for them and resolve to stop and check on them if they're still there and in their car. Especially on cold days.

This, though, is just referencing to cars parked on shoulders with their hazards going. This is NOT talking about cars that are sideways, partially in the road, and not fully on the shoulder, which like I described, is what happened yesterday. The fact that these people passed a car like that just irks and unnerves me. The situation could have been infinitely worse than it was, and if it was? Would those people have had the sense to stop, or would they have mindlessly and rudely blown by, not caring? She was someone's girlfriend, daughter, friend, hair stylist. If she had been hurt, would anyone have thought to call the cops or check on her? I fear not...

At the end of the situation, a cop had come and checked on us. We ended up having to jump the car and get her more gas than she got when I originally took her to the gas station. I proceeded to follow her to the gas station to make sure she was in a safer place than on the side of the road, and we parted ways. But in the time I was with her? Not one other soul stopped. Not one. And that.. sickens me.

Chivalry is dead. It's deader than dead, decomposed, and regrown into skeptical rudeness and self-entitled attitudes.

Gotta story to share? Please do. I need to know other, helpful and kind people exist. People that stop to help when it's needed. Wanna join in? DO IT! Be angry with me!

The path is different for you and me, but the journey begins in the heart.
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post #2 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 03:34 AM
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I don't have a specific story, but my wife and I always stop when someone looks like they need help or are lost. These days many people are (understandably) wary of strangers stopping to help. In those cases, we'll drive away and call the sheriff's department to have a deputy go out to check on them and/or assist.
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post #3 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 06:56 AM
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When I was younger and only six months into having my drivers licence I hit a slick patch of road coming around a corner, spun, over corrected and crashed into a barrier. I was at a major, 3 lane, intersection during peak hour with 50-60 witnesses. When the light turned green every single car went around me. Luckily I was not hurt and my managed to move my car to a close by carpark at which point it died. The only person who saw it happen and came to check on me was the transport guard from the train station who's carpark I was in. The incident certainly put me off big city people.

Alternatively, I've had multiple people check on me when I've been changing tires, parked, been driving with a flat, put things on my roof and forgot (lol) etc while living in a smaller city or the country.

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post #4 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 07:51 AM
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There have been stories about people stopping to help, and they are kidnapped, raped, or killed too.

Best thing to do is to call 911 and report car seems to be stranded with someone in there, and ask them to send help.

You don't know, when you stop, just how things are going to go, and I'd rather be cautious than dead.
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post #5 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 08:07 AM
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When I broke down recently I had quite a few people stop asking if I needed help , but the roadside mechanic soon arrived. My husband has often gone out of his way to help people with their cars, so chivalry isn't dead world wide.

Ok, this is only a fun video, but it shows people still do help others.
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post #6 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 08:11 AM
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I understand what your saying a few years ago I was driving a long stretch of highway near my town I had my 7yo daughter in the car and was 6 months pregnant. I witnessed a car come off a side road going much to fast the women missed the curve and flew straight into the grassy ditch the car flipped three times hit a telephone pole then finally came to a stop. I stopped ran to the car found the women unconscious, and in this particular area I have no cell service. I shut off her car and tried flagging people down to get them to stop not one person would stop. Finally another car was coming off the side road and had to slow down I jumped out in front of them and forced them to stop. Luckily they had cell service, and were able to help keep the lady who was injured calm, and I climbed into the backseat to stabilize her head and neck until emergency services arrived. In all that time nobody else stopped and I don't think these other people would have stopped if I had not jumped out in the middle of the road.

On the flip side a few months ago my friend and I were hauling a horse trailer and one of the tires blew on the trailer. Some folks who were going the opposite direction and saw it happen turned around to come back and help us. The man changed the tire for us, and then followed us to the next gas station about 10 miles up the road, and checked the lug nuts to make sure they were tight before we got on the toll road and continued out trip. We tried to give him a couple bucks for his trouble but he would not take it. He said he is just paying it forward and that he hopes if his daughter or wife ever need help that someone will stop to help them.

Don't give up on chivalry while it may be dying it is not dead. My children are taught to open and hold doors, stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves and help others in need.
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post #7 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 09:22 AM
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What terrible stories!

The last time my car broke down the engine completely shut off while I was driving. I live in a rural area. It was a windy, country road with 2 lanes and no shoulder and I was blocking one of the travel lanes. I called my dad, who only lives a few miles away. I then sat there with my 4-ways on waiting for my dad. I think about 10 cars drove around me without stopping to see if I was okay. One nice man in a pick up truck rolled down his window and asked if I was okay. When I told him my dad was going to be there any second, he wished me luck and drove on, but only one person stopped! I was sitting in a pretty dangerous spot, with a blind turn behind me and a hill in front of me. If someone came around the turn a little too fast, I'd be hit. No one except that one guy seemed to care at all.

A similar thing happened to me earlier this year when my battery died at a gas station. I was blocking a gas pump, unable to start my car. I was sitting there with my hood up. Not one person would help me when I asked if anyone was willing to give me a jump. It was a weekday morning on my way to work and everyone else was in too much of a hurry to help me out. I had to sit there enduring irritated looks for blocking the pump until triple A arrived to jump me.

The lack of chivalry shows in other places too. People let doors close in your face, butt in front of you in line, drive through the cross walk when you clearly want to cross the street, stop at an intersection with stop signs and then go when it's not their turn yet etc.

But it does still exist in some places. A friend of mine had a flat tire. She put her spare on and partway to the garage her spare went flat. A truck driver stopped, put air in her spare, and patched, remounted and put air in her flat tire. When she tried to pay him for his help, he refused to accept any payment.
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post #8 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 09:32 AM
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I still stop and offer help. It may just be to pull up and ask if they have the tools they need, but something.

There are times that I can't or won't and then I get to where I have cell service and call the non-emergency number. Or, since I can sometimes text when I can't call, I'll text a friend in town and have them call it in.

I do remember stopping to assist three teen girls who were stranded on a two land highway far from town. They already had one of their dads on the way yet were scared not being used to being out of town. I had them call him so I could tell him I was there and going to wait with them. I have three daughters who travel and can kind of relate to the worry when one is on the road. I gave him my name and where I worked, and told him, "I am the kind of person I would want to have stop and help my daughters." He laughed and said it took some of the worry away just knowing someone local was going to wait with them.
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post #9 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Palomine View Post
There have been stories about people stopping to help, and they are kidnapped, raped, or killed too.

Best thing to do is to call 911 and report car seems to be stranded with someone in there, and ask them to send help.

You don't know, when you stop, just how things are going to go, and I'd rather be cautious than dead.

Yup, isn't it a sad world we live in now? My Godfather was killed like that. He stopped to help someone who appeared to be hurt. The man shot him a few times and stole his wallet. He lived long enough to tell the tale but they never caught the person. It is so sad that one has to fear helping someone in need, but we do.
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post #10 of 44 Old 02-09-2014, 10:09 AM
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Being a small woman with no self-defense training, I do not stop for my own safety. There are way too many weirdos in the world, sadly, even in small towns. If the person looks okay, I'll drive by. I've never seen someone in the ditch with the car flipped, but if I did, I would go assist them. I mean really, who flips their car just to set up a ruse to kill someone?

I wouldn't say this is a lack of chivalry. In one of my sociology classes, I learned the reason why no one stops or why no one helps in a big crowd. People think that someone has already assisted the person in need, so it would be silly to try to help or call for help. When everyone believes this, no one helps because everyone thinks someone else already has. It's a group mentality, not that people actually don't care. And unfortunately, if people aren't aware of this group mentality, they are going to keep thinking this way.
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