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Common Law vs Married

This is a discussion on Common Law vs Married within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

     
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        02-06-2009, 05:08 PM
      #11
    Foal
    Here in Virginia, Common Law Marriage is not recognized. I believe in most states, you have to have lived with the person for 7 years for it to be considered a Common Law Marriage, but it could have changed since I was in high school (that was almost 9 years ago!).

    I am a newlywed and got married July 26, 2008. My husband and I dated 6 years before we were married and while it has been difficult at times, we've made that committment to each other and said that divorce was not an option. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and it was really tough on me.

    I am certainly not against people who choose Common Law, but marriage is something I've always wanted and grew up believing it was the right thing to do. Now as an adult, I'm a very liberal person so I don't feel that that its right for everyone, but my rationale is, if you want to spend the rest of your life with some one, why not take it a step further? Marriage just makes the relationship that much more special in my eyes, which is why I did it. My husband always said he'd never get married, and he ended up being the first of his siblings to do so. Of course religion has a something to do with it also, so I wanted to be married and with some one in the eyes of God. I was married in a church, and I had a religious ceremony even though I don't consider myself highly religious.

    Its totally a personal decision, but I feel its the right thing to do, especially if you have children or what children. HOWEVER, I DO NOT feel that just because you have children with some one you should get married. I know too many people who had kids together and would NOT be good together married. They ended up breaking up which was best for everyone involved. But I feel that a marriage is better and a more stable environment for children, since I was raised in a divorced family. (Split custody) I do feel it made me cherish marriage more because of that, as well as how to communicate and not to communicate with your spouse. It definitely made me stronger!
         
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        02-07-2009, 08:14 AM
      #12
    Showing
    Kansas is a common law state too. I don't really have to much of an opinion one way or the other marriage vs common law. They both break your heart if they end.
    I am a big believer in living together at least 6 months prior to marriage. It will save tons of money on both divorce and wedding costs if it doesn't work out and you find you actually can't stand your beloved.
         
        02-07-2009, 10:09 AM
      #13
    Weanling
    I also beleive that living together is a good thing before getting married. I wuddn't say that marriage is better than common law, depends on the couple.

    But I see many people that are getting married are ALL focused on invitations, and flower arrangements, and guest lists- but never stop and discuss child raising, distribution of labor, finances, none of the IMPORTANT things. That is why things 'come up' later, and seem irreconcilable.

    I have been with my NOW hubby for 16 years. We only got married 2 years ago. We wanted to get married for a long time, but wanted to get up the money to 'do it right'. After a decade, we figgered we'd never have that kind of money, so we just did it Justice of the Peace style. We got married on Valentines Day. It is terrible, but Berry (my hubby) has to remind ME that our anniversary is comin up......
         
        02-07-2009, 10:45 AM
      #14
    Yearling
    Oh yes, I'm definitely a live-together-before-marriage person, and would be even if I didn't see marriage as a symbol of already-present commitment. You should not jump into a big commitment like that without knowing if you're compatible as partners living and loving together - you need to know you can do the compromise and daily grind as well as the romance and fun!
         
        02-07-2009, 05:13 PM
      #15
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by claireauriga    
    Oh yes, I'm definitely a live-together-before-marriage person, and would be even if I didn't see marriage as a symbol of already-present commitment. You should not jump into a big commitment like that without knowing if you're compatible as partners living and loving together - you need to know you can do the compromise and daily grind as well as the romance and fun!
    Now what I am about to post is not directly stabbing what you just posted ok I think it's an excellent point you posted because I have heard this exat same thing from people around me, glad you brought it up.

    I can see how that is true but having that, it also sounds like a shallow statement to make. Would someone honestly not marry someone their partner because you can't stand some of his/her habits at home? Are those things not things that make the person who they are?
    Marriage is a decision that should be made based on the individual, their values and beliefs. Regardless of long you are with someone, you cannot hide who you are. At one point your true colors will come thru regardless of whether or not you live together.
    I find common law relationships as well as living together is one of those things where once you do, what is the point of getting married? Why would you partner even bother because he has it all, right.
         
        02-07-2009, 05:32 PM
      #16
    Yearling
    Not taking it as a stab at all :) For me it's not a case of 'not marrying because he won't do the dishes right away'. It's more sorting out those irritations and ticks before marriage, and discovering anything that is going to actually stand in the way of a life together. Because marriage is a significant symbolic commitment to me, and also comes with a lot of paperwork and costs, I'd rather have that happen before the marriage than after.

    I still see a point to getting married - legal aspects, plus the declaration of your commitment and love is very very special for most people.
         
        02-07-2009, 08:12 PM
      #17
    Showing
    Thanks again for your post, really brought up some things I've actually had discussions about recently which I would have forgotten.

    Anyone else?
         
        02-08-2009, 01:26 AM
      #18
    Foal
    Marriage means that you agree to stay faithfull to each otherand that you ask god to bless it ;
         
        02-08-2009, 08:56 AM
      #19
    Green Broke
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by odessablaze    
    marriage means that you agree to stay faithfull to each otherand that you ask god to bless it ;


    Hummmmm, that brings up the question then
    Can atheists really get legally married, since they don't believe in God.
         
        02-08-2009, 09:30 AM
      #20
    Showing
    Because of my age and Catholic upbringing, I was born in a different age and mentality. My wife and I will be married 40 years in September and I just can't get around the idea of common law.

    Two of my three kids are married (the youngest, age 27, is dating someone pretty steady). That is my belief and the values I instilled in them. I don't judge someone who feels married by common law, it just isn't what I believe.
         

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