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Confessions

25K views 347 replies 75 participants last post by  Stan 
#1 ·
Have one of these on another site I frequent and don't see one here so thought it would be a fun one for us. Any thing you want to confess just post up here and it doesn't have to be specific to sin, just whatever you think would be a confession. Similar to things most people don't know about me.


I'll start..

I confess that I can't stand the radio volume to be on an odd number.

I confess that I keep track of what time I pass certain land marks every morning on my way to work to see how consistent my timing is.

I confess that I will hold gas long enough to get from my office to my boss's office to release it just to try and gag him.


Let's see how well this thread does here...
 
#158 ·
I confess that when I read this (again) I immediately thought it is the sort of thing Roadyy, Stan and Fort Fireman would do!

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,... right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best..... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!% !@*!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A- ... that hurt like hell!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantle of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novacaine, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock...
 
#162 ·
I must confess I felt for the poor misguided sole who would, through bordom, and being some what dim, inflict a taser on himself. Now for the ladies that feel I, and a couple of others, would test the taser just for something to do on a wet saturday afternoon, are right. I have been known to test the boundries now and again. Its that or cook a seafood chowder for SWMBO. The pain wins.:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
 
#163 ·
I confess that I just spent the last hour participating in an online Facebook Pokemon battle with my friend.
 
#173 ·
I confess to screwing up my settings for HF. I went into my CP and changed my skin to lightwieght now it won't let me back into my edit options to fix it. Had to call on management to help and hoping they get it straitened out soon. lol
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#176 ·
I confess I thought about earings once in my youth but that was before it was fashonable for men.:shock::shock::shock: My dad said he would put one through my nose and no son of mine was going to have an earing. I thought that was discrinination because it was O/K for my sister to have them. :shock: I grew out of that.:lol:
 
#189 ·
I confess I went to buy a new pair of gloves on Friday, I found the style I wanted, but the leather felt kind of hard, then I found a single lying on the shelf under the hanging pairs, one lonely right hand glove, soft leather that fit like errr Oh yeah, fit like a glove. So I went through all the hanging pairs until I found one with a nice soft leather left glove, and split that pair:D I now have a beautiful pair of soft leather nicely fitting gloves:wink:
 
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