Criticism- How do you react? - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 12:41 AM Thread Starter
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Criticism- How do you react?

Let me just say that I do not dress provocatively because I don't think I have the body to flaunt.

However despite that fact everytime I buy a dress my mother says it's too short. She spends 10 minutes blankly staring at me before saying something.

I get quite defensive (it's something I have to work on) but how do you respond to that?

The dress is always a smidge longer than my arms relaxed gently down at my sides.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #2 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 12:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel View Post
Let me just say that I do not dress provocatively because I don't think I have the body to flaunt.

However despite that fact everytime I buy a dress my mother says it's too short. She spends 10 minutes blankly staring at me before saying something.

I get quite defensive (it's something I have to work on) but how do you respond to that?

The dress is always a smidge longer than my arms relaxed gently down at my sides.
Who's paying for the dress?
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post #3 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 12:53 AM Thread Starter
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Me.



I bought the dress with my own hard earned money, I wore the dress, and she said that to me.

This isn't the first time this has happened. No one else (even my coworkers) think it's short. One time I wore a black dress with some detail on the strap and some heels and suddenly I was a hooker.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #4 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 12:57 AM
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Personally, I feel that dresses/skirts of "that" length can be just bordering on too short (if you have long arms) and most definitely too short (if you have short arms) - also taking into account leg length, a short legged girl can wear a much shorter dress than a longer legged girl....just mostly due to the amount of skin showing... you know?

Of course, I never really show any skin as it is, just what I'm comfortable with...so I'm probably a "prudish"-ly opinionated source!

The other thing that I take into account (I have friends who use me as their "modesty detector" hahahaha) is how long cut the dress is. Low-cut AND short makes it worse in my book than a higher cut neckline (no cleavage) with a short skirt length.



On the flip side, I firmly believe that mothers should build their daughters up and gently steer them in the way of modesty, if that's a big concern of the mom's. So I kindaaaa take issue with what it sounds like your mom's behavior is about the skirt length. There are ways to encourage someone to show less skin without making it some huge deal where one party feels judged and the other feels unlistened to...you know?


Maybe you could ask her about what she feels an appropriate skirt length is? Maybe her opinion isn't all that far off from your own and the real issue is that she doesn't feel listened to? Maybe you two really do have seriously differing opinions - maybe there's a compromise to be had? Or if your modesty/the type of "image you display" is in question, maybe all she needs to hear is that you're prizing your body and honoring it?


Hah, so many thoughts!
My mom is always pushing me to show more skin than I feel comfortable showing - mom opposites!



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post #5 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 02:26 AM
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My mom would just be grateful to actually SEE me in a dress!

Went to a wedding last year where I had to wear one. By the time we'd left the church and hit the city limits I was already back in my jeans. Gave a passing truck driver an eyeful, I fear, as I changed in the front seat of the car!
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post #6 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 02:43 AM
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I think a dress of that length is just fine. I wouldn't wear it to work, probably wouldn't wear it to school (who wants to sit on lecture chairs in a 'short' skirt) but going out? I don't see a problem with it. Modesty is a very personal thing, some girls feel wearing something above the knee is not 'modest', others feel that showing an inch of chest is not modest, others feel they can show as much skin as they like without compromising their morals.

That said, I've never had to deal with the 'short skirt' comments. I rarely wore dresses until I lost a significant amount of weight, and that happened when I was nineteen years old. Now I'm almost twenty and my mother is secure in how she raised me, I can do what I want and wear what I want, she doesn't think she has too much of a say.
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post #7 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel View Post
Me.



I bought the dress with my own hard earned money, I wore the dress, and she said that to me.

This isn't the first time this has happened. No one else (even my coworkers) think it's short. One time I wore a black dress with some detail on the strap and some heels and suddenly I was a hooker.

It sounds like a control issue. The standard of "finger tip hems" was used in my Catholic girl's school. So.......if that's modest enough for the Catholics, I'd think most moms would be ok with it too. I only asked about who's paying because if it's her money, it's her standards. Since you're paying, unless the dress is just waaaaaay out of line, she needs to basically keep shut.

And, like Wallaby, I have a problem with mothers saying things like Hooker, Sl*t, etc, etc, to their daughters. Demeaning is never ok. If she doesn't like the dress, to say something like, "I don't care for it, it shows too much (leg, chest, whatever).", is one thing. We tend to live up to our parents' lowest expectations. I would not want my daughter to become a hooker because of my low expectations.

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post #8 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 02:22 PM
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Can't help you. My mother has a 50 year track record of finding fault with ALL of my decisions. She also has a 50 year record of approving of all of my brother's decisions, and since he's passed on she can't be wrong about it.
Face up to facts--some women compete with their daughters.
I don't.

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post #9 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 02:32 PM
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Almost anything my mother says can get under my skin. It's ridiculous how defensive I can be with her, but then it's ridiculous how critical she can be.
Mothers and daughters!
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post #10 of 40 Old 07-01-2013, 02:42 PM
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I just wanted to make a comment on your "don't have the body to flaunt" comment.

I have known many women with average or even not so good bodies that carried themselves well, dressed well, and projected an attitude that made them very attractive. And I have known many women with killer bodies that had poor posture, didn't carry themselves well, and projected a bad attitude...those women are not attractive at all...in short, you are as attractive as you feel and project to others...
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