Dear Santa..
 
 

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Dear Santa..

This is a discussion on Dear Santa.. within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category
  • Dear santa ive been a bad girl
  • Quotes dear santa i was a very good girl this year

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    12-21-2011, 05:30 PM
  #1
Green Broke
Dear Santa..

Apologies, I have stolen this off an archiac thread... but though heck, its nearly Christmas so why not!

Dear Santa,

I have really been a very bad girl, or so I've been told.

In all honesty is began at Mike's house. If only he knew we'd gate crash AFTER he'd gone on vacation. Picking our way through the snow, up the garden path and through the patio doors (not breaking and entering if one breaks, then the rest so happen to enter). I have to say I was impressed that he was so in touch with his feminin side, minature unicorns and such like decorating the entire place. Who knew he's such a fan of MHFQ- normally one would call that stalking. Low and behold, we come across the biggest stash of carrots. Carrot juice, soup, cake... you name it, we made it.

It really was my fault in what happened at Barry Godden's combined coming out/ Christmas party...that is why the turkey lasted so long alive!! It was that other mod Kayty that dared me and my cohort anebel to spike the punch and put bubba's mice in the punch. The conversation drifted from trainers to dressage to barrels, before I knew it the last of the tame mice was backpeddling across the bottom. I can't help it if everyone drank it, mice, fleas, gnats an all. It was so funny to see the look on everyones face when I told them that a few live bugs slipped in also. I remember Golden Horse jumping around and scratching herself....A LOT, ants in your pants, anyone

I thought it was hilarious when I put Spyder's size 145 bra on as I had previously chopped all but one leg off to add to the carrot stew... that extra one would have made it too...stringy HOWEVER, it slipped all the way to the floor . With all that sauce I taste tested I got carried away and somehow got onto the roof of the house singing Justin Bieber- apologies to Gidget who's crystal glasses I cracked. I didn't mean to break the solid oak table at bsms' house whilst trying to pile as many HF forum members on to make a pyramid.

I don't remember asking bubba13 why she stuck the front end of a horse with the back end of a Zebra thinking it was the AmazinCaucasin's attacking donkey before setting it on the judge in an attempt to free me.

And when I passed out on Speed Racer's lap, it was because I felt so faint from kait18's attempt to make socks, home knitted woolly jumpers and miseltoe work..

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my helicopter up and down the roads looking for wayward HF's and when I drove through farmpony's dinning room where I found them all tied up and held for ransom, for the missing carrots, to the chimney. I don't think that was any reason for her to call me a tattle tale and have me arrested for aiding and abetting! In all honesty, we know it was the carrot bandit (MIKE!)

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all dirty and cold. And I'm really am to blame for this stuff and I admit I was behind most of these dirty deeds. Please forgive me anyways and bring me what I want the most---a skeleton key !...and a nice hot toddy!

Sincerely and naughtily yours,
DuffyDuck (90% a nice girl!)



So, bascis of it are, re write own version, adding and changing bits that are required ;D

ETA: All additions will be made in italics as far as I can do so within the time limit...
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    12-21-2011, 05:35 PM
  #2
Banned
Quote:
Originally Posted by DuffyDuck    
I thought it was hilarious when I put Spyder's size 145 bra on me and it slipped all the way to the floor.

That is not possible---I have 8 legs to stop it.

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    12-21-2011, 05:37 PM
  #3
Green Broke
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spyder    
That is not possible---I have 8 legs to stop it.


...I could rewrite, chop them off and add them to the carrot cake if you so wish to pick holes in my story

ANYONE ELSE WANT TO ASK QUESTIONS, HMM??

This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth... btw Mike where DID you get that pink glitter unicorn rug from???
     
    12-21-2011, 08:26 PM
  #4
Banned
Dear Santa,

I have really been a very bad girl, or so I've been told.

In all honesty is began at Mike's house. If only he knew we'd gate crash AFTER he'd gone on vacation. Picking our way through the snow, up the garden path and through the patio doors (not breaking and entering if one breaks, then the rest so happen to enter). I have to say I was impressed that he was so in touch with his feminine side, miniature unicorns and such like decorating the entire place. Who knew he's such a fan of MHFQ- normally one would call that stalking. Low and behold, we come across the biggest stash of carrots. Carrot juice, soup, cake... which I promptly hid from that biggest thief FARMPONY ( poor percy..sniff).

It really was not my fault in what happened at Anebel's Christmas party...that is why the turkey lasted so long alive!! It was those mods Kayty and Kitten Val that dared me and my cohort BSMS to spike the punch and put Cindy's bootleg brew in the punch. Before I knew it everyone was getting sick and making a mess all over Mike's nice pink glitter unicorn rug. I can't help it if everyone drank it, and I had forgotten to clean out the jug so that a few worms and things were swallowed also. It was so funny to see the look on everyones face when I told them that a few live bugs slipped in also. I remember TinylLiny jumping around and scratching herself....A LOT, ants in your pants, anyone

With all that punch I taste tested I got carried away and somehow got onto the roof of the house singing the beatles Diamonds in the sky song or was it some other one....getting too old to even remember now.. I didn't mean to break the solid oak table at VelvetsAB's house whilst trying to pile as many HF forum members on to make a pyramid.

I don't remember asking Horsegear why she stuck the front end of a horse with the back end of a Zebra thinking it was Sahara's attacking donkey before setting it on the judge in an attempt to free me.

And when I passed out on Cat's lap, it was because I felt so faint from DuffyDuck's attempt to make socks, home knitted woolly jumpers for 6 legs instead of 8.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my tractor up and down the roads looking for wayward HF's and when I drove through Iridehors's dinning room where I found them all tied up and held for ransom, for the missing carrots, as I knew from the beginning he was Mike's cohort when carrots are missing. I don't think that was any reason for him to call me a tattle tale and have me arrested for aiding and abetting! In all honesty, we know it was his cohort Mike the carrot bandit.

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all dirty and cold. And I'm really am to blame for this stuff and I admit I was behind most of these dirty deeds. Please forgive me anyways and bring me what I want the most---a skeleton key !...and a nice hot toddy!...with a little EXTRA in it please...and PERCY back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely and naughtily yours,
Spyder (90% a bad girl!)
     
    12-21-2011, 09:26 PM
  #5
Super Moderator
Dear Santa,

I've been a really good girl this year. I have taken wonderful care of Percey, the mistreated and neglected carrot that I sto-saved from that horrible awful eight legged freak. I dust and I polish him quite often. I do believe he's happy in the shiny confines of his new home.

I never planned to go to Mikes house. It was never my intention. That horrific furry freak with all those legs promised a mound of carrots three stories high but when I got there, all I saw were unicorn horns and that I found quite disturbing.

The punch at Anebels party is to blame for that accident. I never meant to tie Daffys shoe laces to Irides belt hoops like that. Who would have known he'd spin like a spooked horse and knock the pole from the ceiling. I must admit though, I never realized Tiny could move like that!

I still don't understand the ratings that Horsegear gave to Kait08s cat. The extra points for the neon color blew me away, especially since it wansn't a cat but the neighbors parakeet. Do you think he drank too much punch?

I was a little concerned when Kitten threw up in the punch but since no one complained, I suppose it tasted all right...I just chewed the chuncks so I didn't choke on them...

Percey wanted to know if you would send him a dream catcher so that he can avoid the horrific memories from that terrible home he once shared with Spyder...

I've been a good girl....

A really really good girl...

So good that I even saved my best most flavorish fart for you... so come to my house first!

Farmpony84
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    12-21-2011, 10:07 PM
  #6
Showing
Dear Santa,

I have really tried to be a good girl this year, promise!

In all honesty it began at Mike's house. If only he knew we'd gate crash while he was on vacation. Picking our way through the snow, up the garden path and through the patio doors, one would think he'd know better than to leave a key under his boot scraper. I have to say I was quite surprised that he was a closet Twilight fan, vamp pics everywhere - and here we all though he was taking his wife to see the movie. Who knew he's such a fan of Edward- normally one would call that stalking. Low and behold, we come across the biggest stash of carrots. Carrot juice, soup, cake...Farmpony must've known that they'd be safe there while he was gone.

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Val's Christmas party... It was that crazy Aussie Kayty that dared me and my cohort bsms to spike the punch and put my moonshine I got on vacation in the punch. The conversation drifted from trainers to dressage to barrels, before I knew it there was a HF dance-off. I can't help it if everyone drank it and found their inner dancing queen. It was so funny to see the look on everyones face when iridehorses did the entire Saturday Night Fever dance routine. I'm sure that is what made Maura & Allison run away screaming!

I thought it was hilarious when I put on Spyder's top hat & did my best stick horse dressage routine ever! HOWEVER, I'm certain I will get disparaging comments on my levade. With all that punch I tasted I forgot how to do a flying lead change and somehow got my legs tangled and crashed into Duffy, who was supposed to be reading my test and was instead slamming the punch with a funnel! We didn't mean to break the solid oak table with our disgraceful fall.

And when I passed out on tinyliny's lap, it was because I felt so faint from Maura's cooking..

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and rode my horse up and down the roads looking for wayward HF's and when I drove through farmpony's pasture, it was there that I found them all hog tied and left in a 50 strand hot wire pen. I don't think that was any reason for her to claim I stole her horse and have me arrested! In all honesty, we know she's the biggest thief!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all dirty and cold. And I'm really not to blame for this stuff, I shouldn't have listened to the crazy Aussie and spiked that punch. Please forgive me and bail me out!

Sincerely yours,
MHFQ
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    12-21-2011, 11:20 PM
  #7
Super Moderator
Dear Santa,

It's not true what they say. I did not set Wallaby's hair on fire. I was only trying to show her how we celebrate the true meaning of Christmas in my family, with fire and clog dancing, but she leaned over the incindieries , reaching for the punch during the carrot bobbing. When her hair blazed up, Speed pushed her head under the punch and made her kick out so hard, she caught Mike, well, shall we say, "where it really hurts".
Now he is contemplating sueing me for endangering his future family prospects. Jewels , my ass!

Anyway, back to the true meaning of Christmas and the clog dancing . . .
With Wallaby's hair extinguished, Kayty thought that some accordian music would liven the party and called in her old buddies Stan, Wildspot and Pintotess to show us some good old fashioned "down under", double-time, doowoppin' polka madness. The clogs were flyin' so fast and so furious that it triggered the Homeland security warning system, with a reading of 7.5 on the Ricther scale.
Agents arrived within minutes and confiscated the accordians.
So, I was wondering Santa, have you ever posted bail before? 'Cause I think I know what I need for Christmas!
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    12-22-2011, 08:23 AM
  #8
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by farmpony84    
I was a little concerned when Kitten threw up in the punch but since no one complained, I suppose it tasted all right...
Hey, hey, I don't drink (almost)!

Santa baby, slip a saddle (preferably Black Country) under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney (I have even 2 for that purpose!) tonight

Santa baby, a non-slip dressage pad too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the shows we've been
Think of all the horses that I haven't ridden
Next year I could be oh so good (or better)
If you'd check off my Christmas list

Santa honey, I wanna bling bridle and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the feed (and hay, and treats)
To the horses of mine

Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I'm filling my stocking with horse poop, and scoops
Clean them all in the line

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Dover Saddlery
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me

Hurry down the chimney tonight
(just don't get stuck there with you fat butt!)

Val (ALWAYS a good girl!)
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    12-22-2011, 01:22 PM
  #9
Green Broke
Guys these are brilliant xD

Keep 'em coming... I can barely eat my dinner from laughing so much :)
     
    12-23-2011, 11:14 AM
  #10
Banned
We need some more stories guys so put on your thinking caps and have some fun with this thread.
     

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