Debate: Spanking children? - Page 4 - The Horse Forum
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post #31 of 38 Old 03-23-2010, 08:54 PM
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I believe in spankings, but on the rare APPROPRIATE occasion; but I was abused so I don't know my true feelings towards it...
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post #32 of 38 Old 03-23-2010, 10:13 PM
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To My2G -- how can you say that you wish that spanking is illegal and then say it's a personal decision? Where/when-ever the govt is in your house, personal decision out the window.

I agree with spanking where it works. I have two kids. One got spanked as discipline/punishment -- oh maybe 10-12 times in his 18 years. All before he was 10 I'd say. It worked for him.

My other one? Tried the spanking thing, didn't do diddly squat except make him feel emotionally downtrodden and he never did tie it in as well with the bad behavior like his older brother. Couldn't tell you why, but that's what it was. I tried probably 3 times with him and said, "Nope; this doesn't work." Moved on to other methods... best for him was to let him fall flat with the consequences, no matter how harsh or how far away (in time) it would take.

There is a huge difference between spanking and hitting though. At times I have been so angry that I truly WANTED to spank one of my kids. Those were the times that I absolutely didn't because it wouldn't have been spanking after all. It was a rather frightening feeling actually.
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post #33 of 38 Old 03-23-2010, 10:46 PM
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What if you spank your children constantly and it doesnt work?
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post #34 of 38 Old 03-23-2010, 11:29 PM
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I don't believe in spanking. I was never spanked and I pride myself on being a respectful, responsible person who is accountable for my actions. For myself as a mom, I can't justify telling my toddler son that hitting is wrong and then when he does something wrong, to hit him myself. It just sends an unclear and confusing message. I also think it's a bit of a fuzzy area legally...when does the line get crossed? Exactly how hard and how many times can you hit before it's abuse? I also don't like the idea of physically intimidating a child who is physically weaker and EMOTIONALLY weaker.
There are other ways to discipline children and to teach them good values. I prefer to try other methods of parenting and find what works for my kids on an individual basis. Yes, children are frustrating, especially toddlers, and it's not like the thought has not crossed my mind. When I feel like maybe a spanking would be in order, I step back and ask myself if it would actually help, what else could I do to make this a POSITIVE experience in the end, and how I would feel about it afterward it I did in fact hit my kid. Let's call a spade a spade - spanking is hiting. I just don't think I'd like how I felt about myself afterward, and If I can resolve the situation without hitting, than why not? I don't think my kids will be mal-adjusted because they were never spanked. You can still hold core values like respect of others and personal accountablitiy of high importance without hitting. If you want to talk about respect and honour - how respectful is it to hit someone weaker than yourself...
I use Attachment parenting as a basis and it`s worked pretty well thus far, although I know it`s not for everyone...heck, neither is baby wearing and homebirthing, but it works for me!
OK, book over...flame away.

~Lindsay~ Mom of 2, wife to the goldsmith, doula and childbirth educator in training, life-long horse dork
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post #35 of 38 Old 03-24-2010, 01:09 AM
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I really think it depends on the kid and the parent and how they interact.

For instance, in my family, my dad wasn't really around very much when my brother and I were little. He'd leave for work before we woke up in the morning and get home after we went to bed. My mom was a homemaker so she was around ALL the time. When my dad would spank me it always ended up with me being scared of him. I still don't like my dad very much at all, but that has roots in the emotional/physical abuse that went on in my house when i was younger. He still emotionally abuses my mom and tries it with me but I really could care less about him at this point, so that doesn't work on me anymore.
I also think it can backfire. For instance, my brother had some pretty extreme anger issues as a little kid (he still does but he's learned how to keep them in check, mostly, I still worry for the woman he marries though) and with all the spankings my dad would give him, I think that helped my brother decide that physical touch when you're angry is alright. My dad would also hit my brother. The scariest night of my life was the night that my brother realized that he could hit my dad back and hurt him. It was like two bulls fighting, or something. I just remember hiding with my mom in the upstairs of our house, listening to them go at it in the basement. We were terrified to intervene because we were terrified that my dad might come after us. Thankfully, once my dad realized that my brother would hit him back, he stopped hitting my brother and that was basically the day that all physical touches born in anger ended, for everyone.
When my mom would spank me, it was almost more traumatic becuase I was one of those very rule oriented (still am actually) kids that was absolutely crushed when I accidentally did the "wrong thing" and received a spanking. She spanked my brother and I much more often than was necessary because she had some unresolved anger issues that she was taking out on us. She's realized that now and she's much much better.

In my case, I don't think spanking had anything to do with my respect for elders. I actually have a really deep seated anger towards larger, older men that remind me of my father, which is horrible and I'm trying to work through it. I am a very respectful person however, even if you are a larger, older male. haha Older people love me and I love them right back. I'm always the teacher's pet (which gets pretty old, fast) and my parents always get compliments on how kind and considerate my brother and I are. I think that basically stems from how we've had elderly women (and their husbands to a lesser extent), who aren't part of our real families, in our lives from day one. We grew up around adults and we watched our mother cherish the elderly so we do too. I think another big thing that has helped us is church. Not so much the religion aspect (although, that has helped me with other things) but the being around adults every week on a regular basis and interacting with them part.

I'm not sure if i would ever spank my child if I ever have one. I'm sure I will want to but I have a very scary tendency to get blinded by anger and just kinda go crazy when I'm confronted by something smaller than me that is challenging me. It's something I work very hard to keep inside, and I do a good job, but I know it's there and it scares me. So I'm not really sure that it would be a good idea for me to ever lay a hand on a child. However, maybe it's a maturing thing. Maybe by the time I have kids, if I do, I'll have matured past that, but I'm not sure I ever want to tempt the "monster". That's also why I'm not sure I ever want to have kids, but that's a story for a different thread. =P

Wow, this has basically turned into a "Wallaby tells all" sorta post... Meep. Haha

Basically, I can see the good and the bad of spanking. I don't think it's for me, but some people definitely need it and it works for them which is great!

Fabio - 13 year old Arabian/Lipizzan gelding

Rest peacefully, Lacey.
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post #36 of 38 Old 03-24-2010, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by kevinshorses View Post
My three boys know that they get ask once, told once, and then it's spanking time. I don't keep count on the times that they get spanked but it's on a downward trend now. I want them to understand consequenses. When they are toddler age they can't be reasoned with and you can't take away thier TV so you can either scream at them, let them do what they want or give them a little spanking that scares them more than hurts them. I don't like the first two alternatives but the last one workds quite well. As my kids get older they get less spankings but when one is needed I don't hesitate and they know that if I threaten to spank them I will if they don't shape up.

They are also learning how to take an ass chewing and take responsibility for thier actions. One thing that I hate is when a grown man will make excuse after excuse when a mistake has been made or get all bent out of shape when someone says something that might not be real nice. I have been in situations where I could have furthered my carreer if I had diverted blame but I would rather have my integrity. I hope that I raise men that feel that way too. If a spanking is what it takes to do it then I will spank them untill they are 18 years old. I will not raise pansy girly boys. My boys will know how to behave like a man.

THE best post I've read in here yet.

I think it's a tool and used properly and in an educated way, it's pretty effective and not disasterous.

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post #37 of 38 Old 03-24-2010, 09:31 PM
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Originally Posted by mountainhorse44 View Post
What if you spank your children constantly and it doesnt work?
Then, as a responsible parent, you STOP and find the discipline alternative that works for that particular child.

It is a neverending struggle to communicate discipline effectively because the means must change as the child grows and life in the household changes. Nothing ever stays the same.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom had three wooden spoons: the biggest was for my brother, the middle-size one was for my sister and the smallest was for me! <giggle> It was no longer an effective threat by the time I came around though because my parents found out that they could throw panic into my brother just by going to the "spoon drawer"!!

After that, my mom used her dreaded wooden-soled clogs. They were always on her feet in the house, so they were always convenient! All three of us are productive members of society and very confident people.

Spanking alone, or using on a leash (see other thread) doesn't define or create dignity or confidence. It the day-to-day support and love that really makes the difference. I know lots of kids whose parents refuse to spank, but the kids are a mess because those same parents don't provide discipline and support in their kids' lives.
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post #38 of 38 Old 03-25-2010, 01:01 AM
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I disagree with spanking...

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