The difference between being Constructive and Rude

       The Horse Forum > Life Beyond Horses > General Off Topic Discussion

The difference between being Constructive and Rude

This is a discussion on The difference between being Constructive and Rude within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

LinkBack Thread Tools
    04-25-2011, 09:13 PM
Teen Forum Moderator
The difference between being Constructive and Rude

Alright, well this is pretty much just a rant, so pay me no mind if you wish. Contradict me if you must, but you won't change my mind.

Lately I've been the victim of and have been observing victims of poor critisism, and I just wanted to remind everyone that there is a VERY large difference between giving constructive critisism in a friendly and helpful manner, and rudely pointing out all of the flaws in someone's riding, the way they handle things, or their animals without giving any positive feedback.

This is supposed to be an open, friendly forum that helps people who have little knowledge of horses to learn from those who do. Not a place where horse newbies are so scared to mention something that they end up trying to deal with it themselves- thus making a larger problem.

I understand that often a person's point of view or opinion is wrong, but that does not mean that anyone should under any circumstance be unkind or harsh when correcting them. Personally, I don't believe that anyone's opinion should be corrected, unless it proves to be dangerous. I like black horses, you like chestnut. It's not something to argue about.

Bashing someone over the head or shoving your idea of what's right in their faces isn't going to win them over. Explanation and friendliness will.

Now if someone's self, horse, or item is in the CRITIQUE section, by all means, give them your two cents. Still though, try to be kind when pointing out flaws. No one likes to hear that everything they're doing is wrong.

Try to make it a point to add one positive comment to every one or two negative. It helps the OP swallow the 'medicine' much better, in my opinion.

Please, guys. Just think before you speak. I know that a lot of times in our ambition we forget about the feelings of the other people we're conversing with, but try to remember that this forum was created to be helpful, not to run people off.
Sponsored Links
    04-25-2011, 09:35 PM
That was part of what we learned for Judging in 4H. You had to find something good to use along with the bad.

Horse A has a poor neck, but his hocks are correct. Horse B has XXX but XXX. You know who's going to win but you get the idea that every participant has something to offer, however weak.

So, that's good advice for horse forums, I think.

And I totally agree about helping the people you think are not doing things correctly. If you tell them they are just pieces of poo who couldn't groom your horse, then what have you accomplished? You should find some good place to start in the question and go from there.
    04-25-2011, 09:40 PM
Teen Forum Moderator
Exactly! I'm glad that someone agrees. It always works much better to say 'well your toes aren't pointed right, but here's how you can fix them. You have nice bend in your elbow though, keep practicing!' instead of 'your legs look horrible. You should go back to beginners lessons!'
    04-26-2011, 12:51 PM
I learnt techniques of how to criticize people, so it's helpful, not harmful.
But I have been at the unfortunate end of work and instead of criticism I was literally being told I sucked, and was good at nothing. So I handed in my 2 weeks notice because I was sick of being the one being picked on so the supervisors would not get in trouble with the manager by blaming me for being "to slow".
People just don't realize how hurtful they are being, and by saying stuff in a hurtful way you take peoples confidence, throw it out the window and make them feel worthless.
    04-26-2011, 12:59 PM
I have another suggestion. Don't ask for a critique unless you want one, and then realize that you've opened yourself up for just about anything. And also realize that just because someone vehemently disagrees with your view, and says so quite plainly, that does not make them rude.
    04-26-2011, 01:55 PM
I agree with all of you. Sometimes I try to give constructive criticism but it doesn't always come off as that. But that is the hard part of words in the form of typing. Plus reading stuff off the internet can come off wrong since it is words and has many difference views. Like if someone says " fine Ill do that" could come off as either snotty or not....sorry if that doesn't make sense I guess I am just mumbling about nothing.
    04-26-2011, 02:00 PM
I agree with Bubba. Blunt does not equal mean. Seems a lot of people get confused about the difference.
    04-26-2011, 02:06 PM
Agreed, Ricci.

If you're asking for a critique, you're going to have to expect things you might not want to hear. That doesn't mean the person is being rude.

If all you want is gushing praise, then TELL people that. None of us are mind readers and if someone says 'critique', silly me thinks that's what they want as opposed to, 'say only nice things to me'.

You also need to realize that what you want to hear may not be what people are going to tell you. If you get your feelings hurt over differences of opinion, then don't ask for them. Pretty simple concept.
    04-26-2011, 02:18 PM
Amen to bubba, ricci and speed.

When you say "what do you think?", there is no unwritten law in the world stating to preface your opinion with a compliment. You may earn points in school and 4h for that but the real world doesn't work that way.

I also agree with ladybug. Reading something on the Internet is hard, you cannot hear the tone of voice. Sure there are many words that are very very rude and those posts are uncalled for. I think some read blatantly uncalled for posts, become upset, and continue to read the following posts with a defensive attitude.
Posted via Mobile Device
    04-26-2011, 02:22 PM
Originally Posted by Zeke    
Amen to bubba, ricci and speed.

If you want fawning over say you only want fawning over up front.
If you do this then do not post 'why is no one posting in my thread'.

Quick Reply
Please help keep the Horse Forum enjoyable by reporting rude posts.

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

Already have a Horse Forum account?
Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

New to the Horse Forum?
Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:


Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.

Old Thread Warning
This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

Thread Tools

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Constructive Criticism please farmpony84 Horse Stories and Poems 97 12-01-2014 09:51 PM
My horse and I need some constructive help!! BuddyMyBoy English Riding 2 03-31-2011 08:56 PM
Constructive Critique for hopeful Dressage TB? SamboStar Horse Riding Critique 4 09-25-2010 02:49 AM
Constructive Criticism Please! AngelWithoutWings54 Horse Riding Critique 9 05-30-2010 07:19 PM
Welshy's artwork (constructive critisism please!) welshy Horse Artwork 3 03-22-2009 10:48 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:08 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0