The difference between being Constructive and Rude - The Horse Forum

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post #1 of 24 Old 04-25-2011, 08:13 PM Thread Starter
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The difference between being Constructive and Rude

Alright, well this is pretty much just a rant, so pay me no mind if you wish. Contradict me if you must, but you won't change my mind.

Lately I've been the victim of and have been observing victims of poor critisism, and I just wanted to remind everyone that there is a VERY large difference between giving constructive critisism in a friendly and helpful manner, and rudely pointing out all of the flaws in someone's riding, the way they handle things, or their animals without giving any positive feedback.

This is supposed to be an open, friendly forum that helps people who have little knowledge of horses to learn from those who do. Not a place where horse newbies are so scared to mention something that they end up trying to deal with it themselves- thus making a larger problem.

I understand that often a person's point of view or opinion is wrong, but that does not mean that anyone should under any circumstance be unkind or harsh when correcting them. Personally, I don't believe that anyone's opinion should be corrected, unless it proves to be dangerous. I like black horses, you like chestnut. It's not something to argue about.

Bashing someone over the head or shoving your idea of what's right in their faces isn't going to win them over. Explanation and friendliness will.

Now if someone's self, horse, or item is in the CRITIQUE section, by all means, give them your two cents. Still though, try to be kind when pointing out flaws. No one likes to hear that everything they're doing is wrong.

Try to make it a point to add one positive comment to every one or two negative. It helps the OP swallow the 'medicine' much better, in my opinion.

Please, guys. Just think before you speak. I know that a lot of times in our ambition we forget about the feelings of the other people we're conversing with, but try to remember that this forum was created to be helpful, not to run people off.

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post #2 of 24 Old 04-25-2011, 08:35 PM
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That was part of what we learned for Judging in 4H. You had to find something good to use along with the bad.

Horse A has a poor neck, but his hocks are correct. Horse B has XXX but XXX. You know who's going to win but you get the idea that every participant has something to offer, however weak.

So, that's good advice for horse forums, I think.

And I totally agree about helping the people you think are not doing things correctly. If you tell them they are just pieces of poo who couldn't groom your horse, then what have you accomplished? You should find some good place to start in the question and go from there.
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post #3 of 24 Old 04-25-2011, 08:40 PM Thread Starter
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exactly! I'm glad that someone agrees. It always works much better to say 'well your toes aren't pointed right, but here's how you can fix them. You have nice bend in your elbow though, keep practicing!' instead of 'your legs look horrible. You should go back to beginners lessons!'

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post #4 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 11:51 AM
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I learnt techniques of how to criticize people, so it's helpful, not harmful.
But I have been at the unfortunate end of work and instead of criticism I was literally being told I sucked, and was good at nothing. So I handed in my 2 weeks notice because I was sick of being the one being picked on so the supervisors would not get in trouble with the manager by blaming me for being "to slow".
People just don't realize how hurtful they are being, and by saying stuff in a hurtful way you take peoples confidence, throw it out the window and make them feel worthless.

A pony is a childhood dream, a horse is an adulthood treasure.
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post #5 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 11:59 AM
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I have another suggestion. Don't ask for a critique unless you want one, and then realize that you've opened yourself up for just about anything. And also realize that just because someone vehemently disagrees with your view, and says so quite plainly, that does not make them rude.
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post #6 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 12:55 PM
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I agree with all of you. Sometimes I try to give constructive criticism but it doesn't always come off as that. But that is the hard part of words in the form of typing. Plus reading stuff off the internet can come off wrong since it is words and has many difference views. Like if someone says " fine Ill do that" could come off as either snotty or not....sorry if that doesn't make sense I guess I am just mumbling about nothing.
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post #7 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 01:00 PM
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I agree with Bubba. Blunt does not equal mean. Seems a lot of people get confused about the difference.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
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post #8 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 01:06 PM
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Agreed, Ricci.

If you're asking for a critique, you're going to have to expect things you might not want to hear. That doesn't mean the person is being rude.

If all you want is gushing praise, then TELL people that. None of us are mind readers and if someone says 'critique', silly me thinks that's what they want as opposed to, 'say only nice things to me'.

You also need to realize that what you want to hear may not be what people are going to tell you. If you get your feelings hurt over differences of opinion, then don't ask for them. Pretty simple concept.

You want the truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!
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post #9 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 01:18 PM
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Amen to bubba, ricci and speed.

When you say "what do you think?", there is no unwritten law in the world stating to preface your opinion with a compliment. You may earn points in school and 4h for that but the real world doesn't work that way.

I also agree with ladybug. Reading something on the Internet is hard, you cannot hear the tone of voice. Sure there are many words that are very very rude and those posts are uncalled for. I think some read blatantly uncalled for posts, become upset, and continue to read the following posts with a defensive attitude.
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post #10 of 24 Old 04-26-2011, 01:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeke View Post
Amen to bubba, ricci and speed.
Exactly!

If you want fawning over say you only want fawning over up front.
If you do this then do not post 'why is no one posting in my thread'.
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