MM: I see. I think that one thing that makes me anxious is my self-confidence and identity plus my abilities to face 'difficult emotions'. Am I strong or good enough to survive 'alone' as an adult in this world? Who I really am, considering my past, this day, strengths and weaknessess? My childhood family sure also offered some feeling of safety of someone 'greater and more firm' (parents) being there, even I could consider myself being pretty independent after my puberty in my childhood home too. Then total change in my lifestyle again; not parents, having contradictory feelings toward them (maybe I'm going through something similar as most of people do during their puberty?), missing them and the old home at times even I've mainly passed that stage already, not being that 'outgoing' anymore than while dating my fiancé (due to the fact that he lived 50 kilometers away, he or I usually spent few days on every week 'on the road' due to visiting each others, which has now settled down to life in this small apartment even we sure do also activities; during that time I also worked occasionally besides my studies), daily life stepping in our life and relationship instead of the 'living on the 9th cloud' every time I saw him, that another stressful life event going on while finding out that I'm moving out of my parents' house, leaving nature and environment that I really enjoyed while living with my parents and moving in this little flat house apartment that I don't like that much... it's actually good to write this all out since it sorts out the situation more even to me. When I write this, I really understand that I'm kind of different person than before the move which is again, confusing, and I know that I'm not ready with my 'new self' yet so I need to go through this process if I ever want to proceed and go ahead with my life.
Cacowgirl: he'll be gone for a weekend so it's not that long time. I've started to get accustomed to him leaving a bit even it's still scary. I have obviously over-thought that (as said, I've always been reactive but in this new confusing situation & facing new, strong feelings has caused occasional over-thinking) since I've noticed that my stress level has gone up and my sleep has suffered a bit. It's interesting how do you experience things like that differently when you've growing up to be an adult. I mean some way I'm more alarmed & conscious over things. And obviously still trying to find me and my identity amongst all that and everything that has happened to me during my life path. You know, you see yourself in new position, in 'new light' It feels confusing & even hurtful at times. I've plans that I've made during his trip. We're going to do something nice with one of my girlfriends. I'm also planning to invite her to have a sleepover with me or maybe pay my parents a sleepover visit. But maybe again, going through this and surviving will give me a real ego boost and help me to create my self-confidence again.
The good piece of news: I don't feel anxious at that point, stressed tho because I didn't sleep well during the last night or night before that. But maybe it's partly because I'm having a feverish cold just now so I haven't had an oppoturnity to go out or do my regular things or have excercise, I've just kept lying on a sofa watching tv and my nose is stuffy which disturbs me during night time.
Sky: I can take a pill or two if needed. I also wish you good luck with your plans, I'm sure that them will work out.
"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."
Pelle Miljoona Oy - Varjo seuraa onneain
Last edited by TaMMa89; 05-02-2013 at 07:56 AM.