Do we ever get out of the school yard?

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Do we ever get out of the school yard?

This is a discussion on Do we ever get out of the school yard? within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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  • 1 Post By Maple
  • 4 Post By FlyGap
  • 1 Post By Corporal
  • 1 Post By Maple

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    11-06-2012, 04:31 PM
Do we ever get out of the school yard?

Before I start, I'm going to apologize, I just needed to vent and feel free to turn back now before I get started.

I ran into an old "friend" today, she is a woman in her 40s whom I havent seen much of in about a year.

As a background, she used to keep her horse at the same place as I kept Bandit. We were both DIY, if she were on holidays, busy, couldnt get out I stepped up and helped and mucked out for her. This worked two ways, and she offered to do him for me twice a week, on the days I worked. I always thanked her for this, and was always very very grateful. She had a huge falling out with a friend, who also kept her horse there, and I did my best to be there for her throughout it.

Anyway, after several months herself and this friend patched things up, I found out I was 6months pregnant, and everything went down the toilet. The day after I found out I was pregnant she called me and said she couldnt help with Bandit as it was too stressful. Bandit is 17, you open the gate and he will turn himself out and let himself in. This was fine - he was my responsibility but I still felt slightly let down that at such a confusing/stressful/changing time in my life she decided to change things. Throughout my pregnancy she did her best to not help me in anyay, and I clearly remember her and a few others sitting on the backs of their cars while I carried in bags of feed. It never occured to them to even offer to help an 8 month pregnant woman. Then 8 weeks after having a section she was there when I went to load a pony that hadnt worked out for my daughter, and she hopped in her car and drove off as I was walking him to the box. I loaded him by myself with a sleeping baby in the car, again I know this was my responsibility but never have I come across somebody who would as much as lift the back ramp of the horsebox. Also, both times I felt let down, but said nothing.

Anyway, things changed, we both moved yards, ect. SHe lives in a town about 5 min away, so when I see her we've always exchanged the pleasantries - asking after horses, family, ect. Such is life, we all change to what suits us best.

Today I ran into her at the gym. She was sitting down chatting to another woman and I was going in for a workout. She looked up at me, to which I gave her a smile and a nod. She quickly turned around in her chair, said something to the other woman who loudly said "ohhh is it?" and looked me up and down. The woman I had been friendly with failed to acknowledge me in any way.

I've come home from the gym quite annoyed and upset and needed to vent. My husband responsed with how did I know they were talking about me... but c'mon it doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure things out.. so I can't vent to him.

I feel very let down after the incident, and I'm sure somebody is going to say or think "buck up and get on with it" but I'm wondering if we ever get out of that school yard mentality of talking about somebody. I wouldnt dream of being so rude to somebody.

So like I said, I'm sorry for being such a moan.. I just thought we were all meant to change after grade 12?
Corporal likes this.
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    11-06-2012, 04:52 PM
Bummer maple! Don't let that hussy get to you!
Self serving, LAZY, ungracious......!!!!

NO most people don't get out of the 12th grade mentality. I find it sad... There is such a large world out here!
I excommunicate people like that, kind of notorious for it LOL!!
My "mental happy place" is precious to me and people like that are not allowed to enter.
Just keep the smile and secretly shoot her a mind bird!
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    11-06-2012, 05:36 PM
Pretty selfish. I would have been BETTER if she had never offered to help you at all.
Funny, my 25yo DD was complaining about the same thing happening with friends in Law School, that is, nobody wants to grow up beyond Middle School.
Your DH is right--move on. Sometimes I remind myself, when I'm mucking alone, or like last night, harvesting from my garden...alone, that I'm not really alone--got my family and they do help, when I ask.
Aren't you glad that you don't have to see her every day?
I had a somewhat similar experience. A woman that I know through my church was about to retire from teaching Drama. I taught MS Science, but the Drama teacher (that year) wanted me to take her job the next year since SHE was retiring, and that HAD been my major, so I did. I asked my "friend" to come and see my productions. She didn't make it to ANY of them. She asked me to see her shows, and I did. When I had a falling out with the Principal and was job hunting, I asked my "friend" for a recommendation. She told me that she had never seen my work.
=/ =/ =/
Kinda felt like a stab in the back.
BUT, she inspires me...
To color the grey in my hair bc she doesn't--
To dress well, bc she dresses like a skinny, old hippie--
And, most importantly, she reminds me that I learned a long time ago to treat people well. Remind yourSELF that you know that, too, and that your own horse is well cared for. People get tired of being used, and she used you just like my "friend" used me. Thank YOU for letting ME rant. =D
Maple likes this.
    11-06-2012, 05:50 PM
Thanks guys :) I'm going to try and put her out of my mind, and god knows I wont be going out of my way to acknowledge her when I come across her again.

I'm a worrier, when something gets to me it goes through my brain a million times but I'm going to try and throw this one to the side. I'm just disheartened by the way people treat other people.. I'm by no means a saint, I have my faults but I also follow the old rule of "treat others the way you want to be treated".

Thanks for letting me vent, and Corporal - I'm all ears should you feel the need to rant further seeing as you took the time to read through my novel of a rant above :)
Corporal likes this.
    11-06-2012, 05:54 PM
Just make a jobs list.
TO DO: (in no particular order)
1) DH jobs (to help him)
2) Daughter duties
3) Horse duties and training
4) House Property jobs
Do you REALLY have time for anything else?!?!?
    11-06-2012, 06:00 PM
Green Broke
All I can say is people are certainly strange. I knew a gal for years, we were very close, then all of a sudden, she wouldn't give me the time of day. No fight, no words,just silence.
    11-07-2012, 03:30 PM
Most people get beyond the schoolyard, but some never make it. Life is just to short to pay attention to people like that. I told someone once that my husband, my dog and my horse love me (well, with horses it's iffy. I might just be the hay and peppermint dispenser!) and anyone else caring about me is optional. It's nice if they do, but I don't stay up nights worrying about it.

You don't need "friends" like that and I wouldn't give her another thought.
    11-07-2012, 04:08 PM
Maple....don't waste a single moment of your time or your thoughts on this hussy.
Apperently...she's quite self-centered and everything is centered around her.
My goodness...being a medic and also had been pregnant with multiples there is absolutley NO WAY I would have let you run around carrying bags of feed and mucking out stalls when you're big as house. I would have told you to get a chair and sit in front of your horse if you have to....but there is no way you're doing physically jobs of hauling feed around.
Unfortunatley...some people are naive and very ignorant about this and she's one of them.'s time to put her on the backburner, close the lid and forget about her. She's too toxic to be your friend.
    11-07-2012, 05:35 PM
Thanks all :) I needed these words of encouragement :)

I'm chucking this one to the bin, and I've told myself to close her off and not allow her take up anymore time in my life.

This is a reminder why I chose a career with horses... the horses can't talk about me behind my back.. well not to my knowledge anyway :) And I'm sure what they say when I'm carrying a bucket is all positive :)

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