Sorry this is kind of a complaining/venting post...read but please don't bash me!
So I live in a metropolitan midwest city. (Grew up in the city but was ALWAYS in the country with horses then I moved/graduated in a small, rural town but had to move back to the city to get a job). Anyway, I am engaged, live in a decent apartment in a nice area, and I have a nice job. Don't get me wrong I am NOT complaining about all that at all and I am thankful to even have a job. But it's a sit behind a desk at a computer all day, answer phone calls, get yelled at by clients, bow down to the boss man to keep the job type of gig. It's repetitive, it's boring, and soul sucking. I have about 10 hours of work in a 50 hour work week. The rest of the time I am either on HF or Pinterest
. Rush hour commute is no picnic either. When I finally am able to go out and see my horse, I am simply exhausted by the rat race. I try to make it out on weekends to see my boy but either the fiance, the future in-laws, friends, or family want me to go do something with them. I get disappointment from them when I don't and disappointed with myself when I don't see my horse.
Anyway, I feel like this is not ME. This is not where I saw myself at this point in my life. While I'm on Pinterest, I'm constantly looking at images of rodeo, the west, horses and horse training, etc. Everyone says I have a gift with horses and that I am known as the "horse girl" in my family. (I'm the only one in my family who has bought/owned my own horses). I did take a break from horses my last years of high school because I thought boys were more important (stupid, stupid me). I have tried contacting my local horse council, horse associations, etc. to see if there were any job openings as I believe that would make me happier but they don't have anything available. I tried looking at jobs with stables but they simply won't pay the rent
I try volunteering with horse functions whenever possible. I love my horse to death but sometimes I feel like the time I get with him is not enough to satisfy the "horsey cravings" (that sounds bad I know). I have this urge to move out west and "cowboy" at a ranch or move near a large horse association to get a job and be more involved with the horse industry.
I told my fiance my "dreams" and he doesn't really say much. And my family thinks it's just a phase...and that I should concentrate on my job here. Am I being greedy and expecting too much out of life at the moment? I really don't know what to think. I just can't help feeling I'm waiting for something big to happen...but I'm not doing anything to change life at the moment. I just feel most alive when I'm active and outside/with horses or involved with them somehow. I know you all aren't therapists, just thought I'd throw this out there to vent my frustrations and dreams!!! Please share yours as well!