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Exes...urgh

2K views 25 replies 13 participants last post by  Skyseternalangel 
#1 ·
Okay I need a slap of something to my face.

I am obsessing over the fact I put so much effort and love and money into someone that just didn't even try with me.

I know everyone has their baggage or their problems, but with him he wouldn't talk to me about them, or talk with me about his family. I've known him for over 3 years, so that should have been a sign to me that it wasn't going to work.

He was jealous of my relationship with Sky, angry with me for not doing things his way.. always thought I was snappy or mad at him if I wasn't bursting from the seams happy.

It wasn't a healthy relationship but I'm finding that getting over it is hard. For the record, I ended it but I guess hoped that we could still be friends. He just deleted me from FB without so much as a word, so I guess not.

Please anyone tell me I'm an idiot and need to think about something else. Please help me get through these awful feelings! It'd help if I had Sky but I can't help feeling so angry and hurt.
 
#2 ·
Your not an idiot. And it takes time...weeks, months, years to get over someone.

you invested a lot into the relationship and got little in return. But you were still attached to him.

I went through the same thing. I did everything for my ex, to get emotionally abused, cheated on and thrown to the dogs when he was done with me. He was not at all rational about how our breakup when. Yet i was still a wreck. I wanted it to work. I hung around for 8 months after we broke up. Was used by him once every 5 weeks. and i still didn't get it.

finally i woke up one day and was just over it. I never tried calling him again. Stopped thinking about him. Got my life back on track. Fixed myself and got happy with who i was. And over a year and a half later, closer to 2 years, i found a new guy...well, he found me, but it worked out.

he does his best to make me happy. (Including dealing with hay...) and it has worked out for me in the end.

but it did take over a year for me to find my footing.

he was a loser. Your ex is a loser and not worth your time. Believe I've been there.

take your time, focus on yourself, and a hobby and stay busy.
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#4 ·
boy frend problems.

hiya sky i think if he started to dislike your horse he had to go and i know you had a feeling in your hart that something was wroung.
with relation ships that dont pan out some times its for the best and thankfull you did not progress any further with him.
i think you made the right choice in puting your horse first and as for deleating you from face book i would not give face book the time of day.
and ill be honest judgeing by how quick he deleated you there was no true feelings of love there.
sky the best love you have is your horse for get about him i know its hard but this guy seems to be a time waster and i would for get about him as quick as posible.
injoy your horse and get back liveing your life as you know how with your horse.
 
#7 ·
We get to a certain age when the epiphany occurs - "What was I thinking? I could've had a V-8!" Then in our new found realization, we find there is no time, tolerance or patience for anything less in a relationship than the wholesome, chivalrous quality in which we have earned in our solid productive lives! Today's upsets are tomorrow's chip paper... :)
 
#8 · (Edited)
Absolutely. You learn from your mistakes. And it makes us a better person. And you will have a better relationship with whoever it is in the future because you have learned what you dislike, and will not put up with in a relationship.

my ex was terribly jealous of my dog. He was puppy, potty-training, basic training etc. And he said i spent too much time with him. Ha! No way.

My new bf (well, not new, but you know) loves my dog. Honestly, he knows i am terribly attached to my George. I have a tattoo on my wrist of him, and he completely respects my attachment, and my love for my guy. He never complains about him, and doesn't mind him sleeping between us.

Mike (bf) goes to horse shows with me. Helps with what he can. And encourages me to go for my dreams with horses. He has said he wants to purchase me a breeding for Rumor because of how much i have talked about it. I wont let him, but hes completely down for whatever i want. When Chilly was going to foal back in March, he understood me having to be on watch for her, and didnt complain that he didnt see me much. It was wonderful.

dont fret over not having someone in your life. He will find you when you least expect it. I absolutely 10000000 percent promise.

I'm going to nursing school in a few weeks, and it is going to be rough with my schedule, but he is excited and eager for me to start (and finish) Having a mature, and supportive significant other is well worth waiting for.
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#9 ·
hold up. is this the guy you came down to HI to see??? want me to beat him up?

on the serious side. don't sweat it chicka. If he cant support you in something you love (scoff of COURSE your horse comes first haha) then he needed a swift kick out the door. doesn't matter whether your significant other likes the same things you do. they should be supportive none the less.


don't worry about it. someday the right guy will come into your life. don't chase it, just live life and be happy and make the most of it.:wink:
 
#11 · (Edited)
By unfriending you, he just confirmed why you left him. So this is good, you made a good decision. Thank him for confirming that.

I have quite a few ex's including one ex husband, as I am 37. I am friends with all but one of them, a guy a dated for a few years, who wants nothing to do with me. I wonder about that, and I think the issue is likely with him. The rest of them seem to have no issue being my friend, and we all talk fairly often. Heck my husband offered the floor of our hotel room to my ex husband when we'd been out drinking, and he missed his train home, and he did, and we gave him bedding and pillows.
The ex b/f of mine who won't talk to me, is the one with the problem.
 
#12 ·
I can say, from personal experience, an ex should be an ex. Don't try and stay friends with them; there are plenty of other people in the world to be friends with.

My ex came back from holiday, fooled around and then basically dumped me for the girl he had been on holiday with. We stayed friends for a while, and then the use and abuse became infuriating. I snapped, told him Karma will hit him one day and stopped all contact. He has tried to be in touch with me, and I have ignored it. He broke my heart, and then broke me even further. I had no wish to be back in a relationship with him, but he took things too far to get what he wanted.

At the same time Dubai was sold/gifted to my trainer, my health went down hill and I was told there was a very likely chance it was long term and I would never get to Sandhurst. It broke me down a lot.

My advice? Keep your head high. You are young, beautiful and a kind person. There will be the right person out there for you, and if after three years someone can't return your feelings and has such jealousy issues against an animal, they are not worth your time.

It will take a bit of time to get over it. Five months later I still get the odd pang.. then I give myself a good pinch and remind myself what an *** the guy was. But surround yourself with friends and family. I learnt, very quickly, that those who appreciate you most are the ones that are there through thick and thin.
 
#13 ·
I can say, from personal experience, an ex should be an ex. Don't try and stay friends with them; there are plenty of other people in the world to be friends with.
That may be how you feel, but "don't try and stay friends with them" is only your personal opinion - it is not any kind of recommended way to be.

I was married for 10 years to my first wife...we got married for all the usual wrong reasons, and divorced 34 years ago. We had a friendly divorce, and have remained close friends ever since, and both Mrs. Face and I care for her very much. I have provided her with financial (there was no alimony) and emotional support over the years, and have done what I could to help her have the best life she can. She is very sick now, and we help support her and try to keep her spirits up as best we can.

From my perspective, I have never been able to understand how people can care for some one, share years of life together with all its ups and downs and good times and bad, and then just turn off their feelings altogether - unless there is some sort of TRUE abusive situation. Even in poor marriages there are still moments of closeness and memories of good times. It IS possible to intelligently agree to move on separately without walking away from a chunk of your life...
 
#15 ·
Face, that is something that you and your wife walked away from 'together' and as you pointed out you were still friendly.

Perhaps I worded it wrong, and shouldn't blanket statement.. But in this case especially when she has put three years of her life in to this relationship and the guy has cut her off, I would also cut all ties.

My ex and I stayed friends, he was a regular at my dinner table and my parents also counted him as a friend. It just allowed him to emotionally abuse that friendship, and when I look back, most of the relationship too.
 
#18 ·
If he wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle the relationship, could you really expect him to be mature enough to handle post relationship friendship? I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially without your horse for comfort. Time will pass and you will feel better and you will be able to remember the good times and appreciate what you learned from this relationship. (((Hugs)))
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#20 ·
Just think of it like why should I let him mess up any more of my life
I remember crying for weeks over worthless males when I was your age - now courtesy of websites that allow you to trace old friends from way back I'm able to see how many lucky escapes I had!!!
 
#21 ·
Bad breaks are not fun. One thing I have learned over the years is never again put myself last. I've learned to be more selfish and not be on the bottom of the list. I do more for me and do what I want. My ex when he was around would stifle me in many ways, and I allowed it to happen. Money was spent on what he wanted, we did what he wanted. Never again. And with this relationship of 18 years there is no being amicable and being friendly and that is not my choice, he is a vindictive and mean person at heart who intends to make my life hell, so I wiped him out of it as much as I can. Chin up and move on there is better things waiting for you.
 
#22 · (Edited)
Thanks Jaydee and Mochachino; you're both absolutely right. I'm slowly getting past it. ETA: It'll be a big change putting myself first, instead of others.. but it needs to happen. I can't allow someone that mean to keep me down.

As for Em's advice about the guy here... he's absolutely been great. We talk and we're both smiley and nothing too awkward happening. He's been supportive of things I've told him, including my future plans for college.

Just goes to show there are still some wonderful guys out there :)
 
#24 ·
Sky, men think differently from women and they simply move on. We women dwell on things to our detriment. Instead of beating yourself up for bad judgement, think of what the future holds. Think of the old adage For every door that closes, a new one opens. The old one has closed but you need to step thro the new one.
 
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