Exes...urgh - Page 2 - The Horse Forum

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post #11 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 03:56 AM
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By unfriending you, he just confirmed why you left him. So this is good, you made a good decision. Thank him for confirming that.

I have quite a few ex's including one ex husband, as I am 37. I am friends with all but one of them, a guy a dated for a few years, who wants nothing to do with me. I wonder about that, and I think the issue is likely with him. The rest of them seem to have no issue being my friend, and we all talk fairly often. Heck my husband offered the floor of our hotel room to my ex husband when we'd been out drinking, and he missed his train home, and he did, and we gave him bedding and pillows.
The ex b/f of mine who won't talk to me, is the one with the problem.

Last edited by AlexS; 08-19-2013 at 03:59 AM.
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post #12 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 04:48 AM
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I can say, from personal experience, an ex should be an ex. Don't try and stay friends with them; there are plenty of other people in the world to be friends with.

My ex came back from holiday, fooled around and then basically dumped me for the girl he had been on holiday with. We stayed friends for a while, and then the use and abuse became infuriating. I snapped, told him Karma will hit him one day and stopped all contact. He has tried to be in touch with me, and I have ignored it. He broke my heart, and then broke me even further. I had no wish to be back in a relationship with him, but he took things too far to get what he wanted.

At the same time Dubai was sold/gifted to my trainer, my health went down hill and I was told there was a very likely chance it was long term and I would never get to Sandhurst. It broke me down a lot.

My advice? Keep your head high. You are young, beautiful and a kind person. There will be the right person out there for you, and if after three years someone can't return your feelings and has such jealousy issues against an animal, they are not worth your time.

It will take a bit of time to get over it. Five months later I still get the odd pang.. then I give myself a good pinch and remind myself what an ass the guy was. But surround yourself with friends and family. I learnt, very quickly, that those who appreciate you most are the ones that are there through thick and thin.
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post #13 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by DuffyDuck View Post
I can say, from personal experience, an ex should be an ex. Don't try and stay friends with them; there are plenty of other people in the world to be friends with.
That may be how you feel, but "don't try and stay friends with them" is only your personal opinion - it is not any kind of recommended way to be.

I was married for 10 years to my first wife...we got married for all the usual wrong reasons, and divorced 34 years ago. We had a friendly divorce, and have remained close friends ever since, and both Mrs. Face and I care for her very much. I have provided her with financial (there was no alimony) and emotional support over the years, and have done what I could to help her have the best life she can. She is very sick now, and we help support her and try to keep her spirits up as best we can.

From my perspective, I have never been able to understand how people can care for some one, share years of life together with all its ups and downs and good times and bad, and then just turn off their feelings altogether - unless there is some sort of TRUE abusive situation. Even in poor marriages there are still moments of closeness and memories of good times. It IS possible to intelligently agree to move on separately without walking away from a chunk of your life...
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post #14 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
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From my perspective, I have never been able to understand how people can care for some one, share years of life together with all its ups and downs and good times and bad, and then just turn off their feelings altogether - unless there is some sort of TRUE abusive situation. Even in poor marriages there are still moments of closeness and memories of good times. It IS possible to intelligently agree to move on separately without walking away from a chunk of your life...
Yeah that's how I'm feeling right now. 3 years may not be close to 10 years of marriage but it still was quite a long part of my life. I don't understand why he can just switch it off.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #15 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 04:25 PM
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Face, that is something that you and your wife walked away from 'together' and as you pointed out you were still friendly.

Perhaps I worded it wrong, and shouldn't blanket statement.. But in this case especially when she has put three years of her life in to this relationship and the guy has cut her off, I would also cut all ties.

My ex and I stayed friends, he was a regular at my dinner table and my parents also counted him as a friend. It just allowed him to emotionally abuse that friendship, and when I look back, most of the relationship too.
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post #16 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 05:12 PM
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Yeah that's how I'm feeling right now. 3 years may not be close to 10 years of marriage but it still was quite a long part of my life. I don't understand why he can just switch it off.
Well, I think that says a lot for you. Even if there is nothing there and he is an a-hole, you invested a lot in your relationship and it is/was meaningful to you. You are the winner because even if you have to move on, you are just leaving one meaningful chapter in your life and beginning another. The looser is one that just emotionally erases an entire chapter in their life as if it never happened. Take it from someone in the Autumn of their life...life is too short to just cross parts of it off...
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post #17 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 05:19 PM Thread Starter
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Well, I think that says a lot for you. Even if there is nothing there and he is an a-hole, you invested a lot in your relationship and it is/was meaningful to you. You are the winner because even if you have to move on, you are just leaving one meaningful chapter in your life and beginning another. The looser is one that just emotionally erases an entire chapter in their life as if it never happened. Take it from someone in the Autumn of their life...life is too short to just cross parts of it off...
Thank you for saying that. I hope I can find someone who invests as much into our relationship as I do.

"Strength is the ability to use a muscle without tension"
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post #18 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 05:32 PM
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If he wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle the relationship, could you really expect him to be mature enough to handle post relationship friendship? I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially without your horse for comfort. Time will pass and you will feel better and you will be able to remember the good times and appreciate what you learned from this relationship. (((Hugs)))
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post #19 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 06:07 PM Thread Starter
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If he wasn't emotionally mature enough to handle the relationship, could you really expect him to be mature enough to handle post relationship friendship? I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially without your horse for comfort. Time will pass and you will feel better and you will be able to remember the good times and appreciate what you learned from this relationship. (((Hugs)))
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Thank you redpony, that was very sincere. You made me tear up a bit

*Returns hug*
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post #20 of 26 Old 08-19-2013, 06:11 PM
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Just think of it like why should I let him mess up any more of my life
I remember crying for weeks over worthless males when I was your age - now courtesy of websites that allow you to trace old friends from way back I'm able to see how many lucky escapes I had!!!
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