Family rant, need to get some things off my chest
   

       The Horse Forum > Life Beyond Horses > General Off Topic Discussion

Family rant, need to get some things off my chest

This is a discussion on Family rant, need to get some things off my chest within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

    Like Tree5Likes

     
    LinkBack Thread Tools
        02-14-2013, 11:39 PM
      #1
    Yearling
    Family rant, need to get some things off my chest

    I will start bt saying I am the black sheep of the family so to say. I was the one that was caught smoking weed in high school, I made crappy grades, skipped school. I got married to an unapproved man, blah blah.

    I've always felt like the loner in the family. My closest family, the grandparents on moms side live 45 minutes away, while my dad lives over an hour. I was always ok with the occasional visit, and anytime I ever needed anything monentary growing up, I could always call someone.

    I quit college twice and have a decent job but its nothing to brag about. I dropped out of high school, but got my GED. My sister on the other hand, went to college straight out of high school and is now a lawyer. My brother isn't the most mature person in the world, but he makes enough moneyin his job to support his family.

    This is where my rant starts.

    My grandfather's 80th birthday party is Saturday. My handgun permit carry class is also Saturday. I had to make a choice, and I chose the permit class. It's the only one I could get into within the next few months. At the time I paid for it, I didn't realize it was on the same day as the party. I text my grandmother today and told her I coukdnt make it, that we would come visit another day.

    I get a text from my step mother pretty much ringing me out for missing the party. When I told her I was sorry, but I had to do what I felt I needed to do, she said that they wernt going to live forever, and that I should be ashamed of myself, and that I better not get mad because the truth hurts.

    I regurlary drive long distances to visit my grandparents, and my father, so that they can visit with my daughter and have a relationship. She will be6 soon, and I can count on one FINGER the times that they have made the drive to come to our house. My grandparents have never come to visit.

    I am tired of being expected to always use my money and my time to be the only one who makes an effort.

    My sister is pregnant now, and I truly feel that when that baby is born, that me and mine will drop off the face of the earth. That's the grandchd of the lawyer who only lives ten minutes away.

    Are you wondering why I hanvnt mentioned my mother? Yeah I don't currently know where she is. It's not like she raised me anyways. She layed in bed doped up on pills the entire time I was growing up, and when she's clean for a month, she thinks she deserves the mom of the year away.

    I can't help but wonder if my life would have been a tad bit easier if I had had a " real" family. Not been cooking dinner and taking care of my brother when I was 10. What if I would have had someone to make me go to school every morning? Made sure I didn't come home drunk every night after school, or even every morning at 3 am on a school night? Made sure my brother didn't get into the pills and beat the crap out me because I told him to pick his spilt chips out of tge floor. What if I would have had a mother to talk to? Would I still be pissed off at the world and not care about what my family thinks?

    I care about my family, don't get me wrong, but I could care less about f they like my decisions or not. I have my fiance and my daughter, and to me that's all I need of they are going to get mad at me because I don't do what they think I should do.

    I just had to let that go, it was frustrating me toa breaking point.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
    Sponsored Links
    Advertisement
     
        02-14-2013, 11:46 PM
      #2
    Yearling
    Firstly, *hugs*

    I know what it's like to have a dysfunctional family...and very, very well what it feels like to be a black sheep.

    Take care of your daughter and fiance. And take care of yourself. You need that class...that's life....they'll get over it. Or not. You ARE doing what you have to do, and if they don't understand that....oh well. *shrug*

    If it comes down to your family falling off the face of the earth when the golden child's baby is born, then THEY are the ones that miss out.
    loveduffy likes this.
         
        02-15-2013, 12:13 AM
      #3
    Super Moderator
    That's some deep emotional baggage you carry. Must be exhausting. And I really mean that at face value, not in any way in sarcasm. You sound exhausted, too.

    For the Grandfather, well, one reason they might not drive all the way to see you is that they are OLD. Life is really much more limited when you are old. You can't do things like you used to. I know you know that. But maybe that's part of why they havnen't made the effort to come to you.

    Turning 80 IS a big deal. My inclination would be to reschedule the class. Some things cannot be rescheduled and some can. Some things never come again. There is no "come another day". So, that's my feeling on that.

    I hope you and your fiancee and daughter can make the kind of home that you always wished you'd grown up in. My most heartfelt wishes for you are for that.
    Hugs.

    Caroline
         
        02-15-2013, 12:17 AM
      #4
    Yearling
    I have gone though what you are going though in my family we call this Jewish guilt my mother and father say that I should visit more I some time work 7 day/week from 6am - 8pm they know this and if I say I can not they ask if I would come to there funeral I say sure if there is going to be lunch :) family you can not pick them
         
        02-15-2013, 01:04 PM
      #5
    Yearling
    @ tiny, I understand that they are older, and may not do as much as they used to, but they make trips to see their siblings, so to me, that is no different than making a shorter trip to see me.

    I proboly should have decided to go to the party, but I didn't, and I am sticking with my desicion, be aide that's what I feel like I need to do, and I am an adult.

    My step mother on the other hand. Where does she get off texting me and ringing me out like I am in high school. Shame on me? No shame on you. I'm still mad at her for being two and ahalf hours late to my daughter's birthday party four years ago. Maybe I have a problem with holding grudges. Maybe I should let it go.but evetytime she does something like that, it makes me want to pull my hair out.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        02-15-2013, 01:44 PM
      #6
    Foal
    As the black sheep in my family (my sister's the golden girl), I can relate.

    Have a care with grudges, however. Not for them, but for you. Tiny is right, carrying grudges and anger is exhausting. YOU will feel better if you let go.
         
        02-15-2013, 02:39 PM
      #7
    Started
    Having only one side of the story makes it hard to say poor you. I'm a firm believer in don't blame others for your choices. Did you have to smoke pot, get drunk, get bad grades, drop out of HS? No, you could have chose differently. Would it have been easier having someone there to get you out of bed, sure. But at the end of the day you are responsible for your own actions/decisions. What you can't do is hold that against your family. Some people have tougher childhoods then others; its just the way it goes. But what you can do is change your attitude with you family. Be supportive of your sister and her pregnancy. Don't make it about you, but her. Cherish what family you do have, while you still have it. Life is too short to hold grudges.
    Muppetgirl likes this.
         
        02-15-2013, 02:43 PM
      #8
    Green Broke
    I share many of the same... "situations" you do. I'm not going to get into of they should/shouldn't drive to you and blah blah blah.


    Just from personal experience, I has Christmas breakfast at my aunt's house with my great aunt and grandmother. My family is to dysfunctional to be in th same space for 5 minutes. I really dislike begging my little sister to come, driving an hour to get there, then sitting my aunt's nasty apartment (4 people, 2 dogs, 2 ferrets, 1 bird, 1 cat, 1 rabbit all in a 1 bedroom apartment, oh and she smokes inside). Then we have crappy food that usually has dog hair in it or ends up with dog hair in it. Then I drive back another hour, usually in good old long island traffic. It's never pleasant, but I've realized two things:

    1. You don't pick your family.
    2. No one lives forever

    That being said I've made an effort to go every holiday breakfast or dinner (i have a system of what family members get what holiday breakfast/dinner). I finally got my younger sister to come for the first time EVER to Christmas breakfast. I'm so glad she did because two weeks later my great aunt came down with phenomena. She ended up passing away 11 days later. Even though I was there with her until her last breath we werboth very grateful we spent time with her before she passed.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        02-15-2013, 02:48 PM
      #9
    Showing
    My response to them would be "You can't run your own life so why are you trying to run mine?" Go to your permit class but call your grandparent before you go. Promise a date you will visit and stick to it. This way you will get some "alone" time with your grandparents. At 80 most people don't want the fuss as it's exhausting. 30 minutes of celebration for them is plenty.
    demonwolfmoon and onuilmar like this.
         
        02-15-2013, 03:31 PM
      #10
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by wetrain17    
    Having only one side of the story makes it hard to say poor you. I'm a firm believer in don't blame others for your choices. Did you have to smoke pot, get drunk, get bad grades, drop out of HS? No, you could have chose differently. Would it have been easier having someone there to get you out of bed, sure. But at the end of the day you are responsible for your own actions/decisions. What you can't do is hold that against your family. Some people have tougher childhoods then others; its just the way it goes. But what you can do is change your attitude with you family. Be supportive of your sister and her pregnancy. Don't make it about you, but her. Cherish what family you do have, while you still have it. Life is too short to hold grudges.
    OH I am 100% excited for my sister. I try to talk to her every couple days and see how she is doing, and I can't wait till the delivery day comes.

    I'm not blaming anyone for my actions as a teenager, but I grew up, and got my crap together, and I still sometimes feel like I get treated like I'm that high school kid.

    I have drove to every family function since I can remember, even when my siblings didn't. I need to miss one, and I get reemed for it. I make it to see the grandparents about once a month, and that will not change.

    I just can't get it out of my head why on earth my step mom had to text me some of the things she did, it was almost like she was trying to pick a fight.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    Urg! Never rely on family..... *Rant* ArabianGrace Horse Talk 0 10-13-2012 04:05 PM
    Rant.. using family builders Crossover Barn Maintenance 23 03-20-2012 02:05 AM
    Family and horses *rant* Whisper22 Horse Talk 13 01-03-2012 11:52 PM
    Need to get this off my chest (rant) wintec Horse Talk 3 12-08-2009 06:52 AM



    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:15 AM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0