Father Problems
   

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Father Problems

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        10-29-2012, 07:47 PM
      #1
    Yearling
    Father Problems

    This is more of a rant but it's driving me crazy. I have a job, a business and 9 animals to take care of but my father who lives 5 hours away expects me to drop everything to visit. In the 17 years I haven't lived with him, he has never made an effort to visit me, I have to travel, I have to find rides, pay gas, buy the tickets. He moved 5 hours away from me, I didn't choose that, but I'm the one who has to make the trip, not him. I haven't seen him in 4 going on 5 years, he has came within 30 minutes of my house many times, but hasn't came to see me.

    It's always "you have to see this, or do that or see my horses". As far as I can figure he was never into horses, and now he owns three? What the heck? Not to mention all three were bought after hundreds of promises to help me buy a horse, two were after my first horse died, one was bought for my step mother. The worst thing is, people say tell him how you feel, I have over and over and over, he's head is so fat he doesn't seem to hear anything that ruins his prefect little life. He's the hero, the fire fighter, the volunteer, and the all around prefect person. But he's also the guy that has forgotten my birthday more than I care to remember, or the how many times he said he would pick me up and never came. He's great, at making promises he'll never keep.

    I have no idea how to tell him, there is no way I'm traveling up there again, I don't like sleeping in the basement, I don't like being home alone with nothing to do all day, or the fact there is never any food in the place, the dog has bitten me six times, or the fact I'm expected to do chores or do work (some is reasonable, all is crazy).

    I haven't moved, he knows where I am at, my phone number. Is it really that hard? I don't know a parents point of view in this but with how many years of doing stuff I didn't enjoy to make my dad happy, it's making me miserable and bitter towards him.
         
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        10-29-2012, 09:01 PM
      #2
    Yearling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Cruiser    
    This is more of a rant but it's driving me crazy. I have a job, a business and 9 animals to take care of but my father who lives 5 hours away expects me to drop everything to visit. In the 17 years I haven't lived with him, he has never made an effort to visit me, I have to travel, I have to find rides, pay gas, buy the tickets. He moved 5 hours away from me, I didn't choose that, but I'm the one who has to make the trip, not him. I haven't seen him in 4 going on 5 years, he has came within 30 minutes of my house many times, but hasn't came to see me.

    It's always "you have to see this, or do that or see my horses". As far as I can figure he was never into horses, and now he owns three? What the heck? Not to mention all three were bought after hundreds of promises to help me buy a horse, two were after my first horse died, one was bought for my step mother. The worst thing is, people say tell him how you feel, I have over and over and over, he's head is so fat he doesn't seem to hear anything that ruins his prefect little life. He's the hero, the fire fighter, the volunteer, and the all around prefect person. But he's also the guy that has forgotten my birthday more than I care to remember, or the how many times he said he would pick me up and never came. He's great, at making promises he'll never keep.

    I have no idea how to tell him, there is no way I'm traveling up there again, I don't like sleeping in the basement, I don't like being home alone with nothing to do all day, or the fact there is never any food in the place, the dog has bitten me six times, or the fact I'm expected to do chores or do work (some is reasonable, all is crazy).

    I haven't moved, he knows where I am at, my phone number. Is it really that hard? I don't know a parents point of view in this but with how many years of doing stuff I didn't enjoy to make my dad happy, it's making me miserable and bitter towards him.
    Just tell him you're not coming. Explain why, say everything you've said here. And if he's broken promises over and over and forgotten his daughters birthday then he is by no means "perfect". If he wants to see you so bad then he should drive 30 minutes out of his way when he's near by to do so or better yet not have moved five hours away from you.
    Sorry to sound harsh but, why sugar coat it? I can be very blunt, if I don't like something, people are going to know that's what happens when everyone around have a "speak-your-mind-no-matter-what-screw-the-haters" mindset.
         
        10-30-2012, 09:39 AM
      #3
    Yearling
    I know the feeling, but my dad only lives an hour away. They are always inviting me to come down and do something, but it gets tiring always driving to his house. In the past 4 years, he has come to my house once. He rest of the visits have been me driving to his house. I am like you, to the point where if they want to see me and their granddaughter, then they can make the hour drive. I know its not that long, but its the principle. I would just tell him straight up, if you want to see me, you travel here. Leave the rest up to him.
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        10-30-2012, 12:23 PM
      #4
    Foal
    I'm sorry .. but perfect father he is not .. my husband and I have always done whatever we needed to do for our children .. and if a grandchild was ever involved you betcha we would be going there instead of them coming to us. I would just tell him that its time to start visiting you.
         
        10-30-2012, 01:00 PM
      #5
    Green Broke
    You can't control other's actions. You can only control the way they affect you. Next time he brings it up just tell him its his turn to come see you, leave it at that.
         
        10-30-2012, 01:04 PM
      #6
    Trained
    I don't know how old your dad is but just remember he's not going to be around forever. It's up to you how you use the time. Don't wait til he's dead and start wishing you had gone to visit and realize that while he's not perfect, he's the only dad you've got. Spoken from someone who would give ANYTHING to have another day with her dad.
    gunslinger likes this.
         
        10-30-2012, 02:51 PM
      #7
    Started
    Families are tricky..I haven't had contact with my father in 2 years now. I flew him from Canada to Ireland when he was having personal problems and it was thrown back in my face. Shortly after he returned to Canada I received an mass email that was sent to numerous people, giving out stink about how I hadn't paid extra for a more direct flight for him and how I had done this, that and the other. I told him that he knew where I was and how to contact me and to do so when he could do it without insulting me or my husband... its a shame we havent heard from him even with the birth of our son - his first grandson whom he hasn't acknowledged yet.

    I would be very straight and honest - tell him it's his turn to drive up. I'd do so in a nice manner, tell him it's your shout for dinner and you'd love him to stop in for a catch up. One thing is for certain, you can't run around after other people and need to do what suits yourself. Let him know that you'll take it in turns to visit every ?? Days/weeks/months and don't take no for an answer.
         
        10-30-2012, 05:03 PM
      #8
    Yearling
    When I say he's prefect that's what other people see, they see a great firefighter, a father of a solider, someone athletic running the combat challenge, and always helping others. Funny thing, a lot of people don't know he has a daughter. He's 45 this year, I'm just 20 and my full brother is 21.

    Honest it would be shocking if he ever showed up, I don't want anything from him and never will but him to be there. I'm not a little kid any more, but you still want your parents around once and a while.
         
        10-30-2012, 05:50 PM
      #9
    Showing
    You're an adult, and should know by now you can't change people. If your father hasn't been there for you all these years, he's not going to change. Either you accept it and move on, or continue to stress out about it. Trust me, he's not losing any sleep over it and neither should you.

    Time to put your foot down and MEAN it. Be prepared to follow through on any consequences you've laid out, or you'll always be at HIS beck and call.

    Not everyone who has children should have had them. Sometimes I think wolves would do a better job than some of these so-called parents.
    stephshark likes this.
         
        11-01-2012, 04:00 AM
      #10
    Yearling
    Has he given any reason WHY he doesn't come out o see you?
         

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