father rant - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 12:40 PM Thread Starter
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father rant

okay right now I am soooo pee-ed off at my father I need to blow some steam.

Everything I do, or don't do, seems to get him all upset.

Since my work shirts were all bleach stained and had holes in, I got 2 new replacements from work. My dad TOLD me to talk to the lady who takes care of the shirts to see if I could hold one to one of the bleach stained ones when I am working around bleach so I don't get the two new ones all stained up. I explained that on the paper I had to sign to get the new shirts, it said that I had to return BOTH shirts. He got all upset and told me again to ask...when again I explained about the paper and then also added that other people have tried and she wouldn't let them...so I know she wouldn't let me. Then he get's even more upset at me...started yelling at me, saying stuff like "fine you think you know it all, but you don't", "you are so pigheaded...." etc.

Then one time I asked my dad to go up to the stables to meet Sonny and whatnot. So he agrees, takes his camera and goes up with me. I put Sonny in the arena, lunged him around, then started tacking him up. Sonny, who had a problem with respecting my space, got wayyy too close to me when I was tightening the girth up...so as usual, I'd give him one warning (and usually just me saying "Sonny" in a rough voice is enough) but that day he was determined to get closer...so I took his lead rope, and moved it side to side (which normally will make him back up), but again, he did not. So I took the lead rope, and I forced him back 10 steps then I glared at him. My dad the whole time was saying "be nice to him! he just wants to see you, and get loving". I tried to explain to my dad that, I was not hurting him, and whether or not he wants some loves does not give Sonny the right to get that close to me when I don't want him to be. I also said it was a respect issue...a horse that get's in your space, rubs his head on you, or is pushy, is trying to dominate you and you can't have that happen.
Well he got so upset that he said "well maybe we should sell him because you don't know how to treat him" and then stormed out of the barn, and stayed in the car for the rest of the time.

Before I bought Sonny, I used to ride a paint mare named Star. One night I went up to ride her with two of my friends, and my dad came along. As I was riding her, my dad told me to get her faster because everyone else was cantering (he didn't say cantering...he said get her faster because everyone was going faster). I explained to him that I was not (at that time) ready to canter or go faster than a trot. I hadn't had a formal cantering lesson, and my trainer said to us all that we aren't allowed to do things that we haven't had a lesson on...both for our safetly, whoever else was riding with us, and the horse's safetly. I said that to him, and again he accused me of "being a know-it-all" and that I'd be fine. I told him no I was not going to canter because I could loose my right to go up during the week to ride and I did not want that to happen. Again, he got all upset and stormed out of the stables and spent the rest of the time in the car.

Then a second time I went riding with a friend, and Star was acting up. She would not trot, and kept tossing her head and threatening to rear up. Well I was still a beginner rider at that time so I didn't give up a fight to control Star. So I simply got off after I got her walking with no problem. My dad was upset and said that she was fine and to get back on her. I got back on her, not wanting my dad to make a huge deal infront of my friend, but again the minute I asked for a trot, she started acting up. So I got off, and walked to the arena door, and put her in a stall...untacked her, and got another horse to ride. My dad got upset again and stormed out of the stables.

he makes me so angry!!!!! He never listens to my explinations or reasons for not doing things, and if he does, he thinks I'm just making it up so I don't have to do something
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post #2 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 12:50 PM
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Ah, my dad can be annoying as well. He can be SO moody sometimes...I know how you feel kinda. :)

My dad acts like that sometimes when I'm disciplining Lexi...it's not that I'm being mean to her, I'm teaching her not to act a certain way. He doesn't even ride or know much about horses, so I was like 'how are you saying that?"
Ahh...but some days he's like my best friend. LOL!

Ride more, worry less.
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post #3 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by PoptartShop
Ah, my dad can be annoying as well. He can be SO moody sometimes...I know how you feel kinda. :)

My dad acts like that sometimes when I'm disciplining Lexi...it's not that I'm being mean to her, I'm teaching her not to act a certain way. He doesn't even ride or know much about horses, so I was like 'how are you saying that?"
Ahh...but some days he's like my best friend. LOL!
I've had no days when my dad seems to be my best friend.
Even on days when I try to be nice and ignore all his yelling, he gets more upset
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post #4 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 01:22 PM
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Aww. :( Yeah...some people you just can't satisfy/please.
Well you keep doing what you are doing, what's best for you. Just ignore him maybe if he says some ignorant stuff. I do that with my dad...it's better to just ignore than get into an argument.
But hey, can't change anyone either.

Ride more, worry less.
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post #5 of 6 Old 04-23-2008, 01:32 PM
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OK...I'm gonna stick up for the parents here...(mostly because that's the team I'm on ) I have 4 kids. Let me say that I TOTALLY get your side of the story and agree completely that we can be complete clueless ...um...pigheaded...know-it-alls.

From your rant I can get that he cares deeply about you and is really trying to "help". This is what an old mom saw in your post.

The shirt thing...ya never know unless you ask...there is a world of things out there that "rules" say you can't do but when you ask the right people, more often than not they are willing to bend the rules simply because you asked them too.

The respect with sonny thing...um... ok.. I'll give ya this one..maybe it looked different from where he was standing. Maybe he heard something in your voice or body language...As parents we know you! (even tho you think we don't) Maybe he just read you wrong...we are human and make mistakes too.

The star going faster thing... Sometimes we push too hard. Sometimes we don't concider that you are doing the best you can at the time and want you to do more than you are ready to. But we always want you to suceed with your dreams.

And the Star acting up...I think he saw you "giving up" not that you were using better judgement.

As far as him storming out...Maybe thats his way of letting you grow up... I mean, not one of your posts said that...He MADE me do this or that. Its HARD letting you guys grow up. I mean try to be in his shoes...It was just a couple years ago you were drooling and crappin yourself...then trying to stick pennies in wall outlets...and now you seem all grown up but you still make mistakes too. Cut him a little slack...If he didn't care he wouldn't be driving you to the stables and taking pictures and letting you ride with all your buddies.

Its just food for thought. You seem like a sharp cookie... Just remember we don't mean to be a pain in the arse. Usually we are trying to help.

Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.

1 Chronicles 28:20

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post #6 of 6 Old 04-24-2008, 11:40 AM
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while i understand the plight of the parents i too was in a situation where my (step) dad was constantly telling me i didnt know what i was on about and he was the adult so he must be right blah blah blah some of things you have mentioned sonny are like exact replicas of things that happened with me and my dad.

dad didnt understand nor know a whole lot about horses but because my biological dad was a horse man my step dad had to pretend he knew as much which ended up putting a lot of strain on me. even by the time i was in my early teens i was still being told i didnt know what i was talking about even though at that point i'd been riding and dealing with horses for about 8 years.

i ended up getting grounded one time because i dared stand up to my dad and tell him that a ponys height ends at 14.2hh and then they become a galloway to 15.2hh and then after that, a horse (size wise). i dont know how it works over there but thats how it goes here. dad was dead set that a pony was only something like a shetland and anything bigger than that was a galloway/horse. i got grounded for 2 weeks because my dad couldnt accept he had it wrong.

there were countless times when i would either be embarassed in front of people or was made to feel really bad all because dad didnt understand.

many years later when i was an adult i bought all this up with dad (among other things) and he admitted that he did wrong by me all those times. yeah sure, he loved me to pieces but that doesnt change the emotional effects this kind of treatment can cause. those kind of actions make you feel like they dont like you and thats tough for a kid. dad said he knew he was wrong to treat me like that but never offered an explanation.

i know its hard as a parent (im not a parent but i had my god daughter for 2 1/2 years a while ago so i got some practice in :)) but sometimes its hard for a younger person to understand that a lot of times parents make it up as they go and because of that they dont always make the right choices. however, i dont think this is an excuse for a parents lack of thought. thats what it comes down to and thats how i dealt with things with my god daughter. i would ask myself how mum and dad fixed such problems when i was young and basically do the opposite lol or i would think of a punishment etc and then think about how that would be for me as a young person. i found by doing this that my god daughter responded well even through discipline and we became much closer due to the understanding between us. that was the prob with her mum. she was too hard on her and never ever thought that the things she said and did had any effect on her daughter. but the reality is that all things that happen as a kid no matter whether they are good or bad have an effect on a person quite often for the rest of their life.

having said all this im not taking either side here but i do feel the need to defend the youngen. parenting is a priviledge and not a right and with such a huge priviledge bestowed upon us people should take their JOBS as parents seriously. even the smallest of actions that may mean nothing to an adult might be a real drama for a youngen. if a parent is doing anything that upsets their child it needs to be addressed.

maybe you should try having a heart to heart with your dad. explain to him how he is making you feel and that if there is any problems he can talk to you about them. you will gain or loose his respect and either way you know where you stand.

this may not be the best advice in some peoples eye but im working this based on experience with my own father.

if all else fails understand that your dad loves you and the bottom line could just be that he feels unable to share the horses with you as he doesnt know anything about them. the one thing ive learnt over the past 12 months is that it doesnt matter what happens and how much you may dislike your parents sometimes they are still your parents and if they werent there, you would sorely miss them. i have buried both my step dad and biological dad in the past year and my mother was diagnosed with cancer in november last year. when these things happen you realise just how insignificant all the other things are.

even if he p's you off its better that he is there p'ing you off than not there at all ;)

good luck with your situation and i hope you can put it to rest soon

"I whisper but my horse doesnt listen...So I yell!!...He still doesnt listen"

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