Feeling Discouraged
   

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Feeling Discouraged

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        11-23-2013, 01:53 AM
      #1
    Showing
    Feeling Discouraged

    Lately I find myself bubbling over with anxiety. Either I'm really excited or really worried.

    I'm about to make the plunge to become independent from my parents. They're moving to a different country, whilst I'm moving back to the States. I'll be staying with my friend, she's been ever so gracious.. but I can't help but worry.

    Today I had another riding lesson. I didn't do bad, I didn't fall off despite some spooking and little crowhops. I have no reason to feel like a failure but I do because I had planned on recording my ride with my new GoPro and for some reason it didn't work.

    It didn't work. Now I leave soon and have no idea if I can get another chance to see where I'm at. To show people that I'm actually capable of what I've been learning and practicing.. not some shmuck.

    That added onto the fact that I stupidly trusted members of my family with personal loans, and I'm down a lot of money. No word on when they intend to pay me back.. but I leave in 2 weeks and then they won't be in nagging distance.

    Urgh....

    Third, Sky has come up lame. This worries me a lot. We've had the farrier and vet out, but it's all up in the air right now.

    What if our relationship isn't the same when I get back? What if he hates the rider or person that I've become! I've grown a lot in the past year since I visited him.

    I'm scared.

    Fourth... there's this guy I really like and boy he went from confusing to steady to confusing again. My friends think he's trying to distance himself from me since I'm leaving... but I just don't know. I feel I'd come across clingy if I asked him why because I'm feeling super clingy lately. I'm probably not clingy but I've convinced myself otherwise.

    We recently went on vacation together and it was wonderful for the most part. We work really well together, we didn't have any arguments or fights aside from differences of opinion. I really like him for who he is, but the timing is awful. I'm leaving.. he's still working out details in his life, I'll be a mess working out my leap of independence.... I just don't know. I'm very sad because if the timing was different... if I met him once I was all good to go, things would probably work out different.

    And now I'm rambling :(

    The last piece is I'm concerned about transferring to the college I've always wanted to go to. I put my current degree on hold because it was getting too far away from my initial interests. So I want to focus on a degree that will support my goal of becoming a veterinarian which specializes in large animals. Well I'm having issues picking out a major. I want to do Pre-Vet but I'm not sure the classes are what I need. They also have a Bachelors of Science in Equestrian Studies but they require me to ride... but they don't offer Dressage. They offer reining, western (???,) hunter/jumper, or saddleseat.... or they offer driving. I think reining would be fun.. but could I handle that?! What about my dressage.. will I lose all the progress I've made?

    Grrrrr I'm just so mixed up.
    michaelvanessa likes this.
         
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        11-23-2013, 07:16 AM
      #2
    Green Broke
    That is a lot on your plate. I would really try to get some of the money back-maybe a payment plan? I think coming back to the States is a good move and you can sort out the college thing once you're back here. As to relationships-keep the communication lines open, but the long-distance stuff usually doesn't work for very long. Hope you feel better soon & know you don't have to "prove" yourself all the time.
    michaelvanessa likes this.
         
        11-23-2013, 01:56 PM
      #3
    Super Moderator
    The thing about this is that if you look at your track record; moving to a new country, taking on a new job, making new friends, finding a leassor for Sky, taking riding lessons and making progress, . . . You will see that you have demonstrated the capability to deal with everything that has been laid before you. Keep that in mind becuase it will help you have faith that you will be able to do so again when you come back to The States.

    If you are a believer in God, then by giving thanks for all that you HAVE received so far, you will have a stronger faith that more Grace is possible, in the future.
         
        11-23-2013, 08:01 PM
      #4
    Weanling
    Okay, I hear parents, relatives, boyfriend, horse and finally you.

    I think it is maybe time to be a little selfish and focus almost solely on yourself a bit.
    In other words, invest your energy into education. Choose a major and go !
    You seem to thrive a little on the drama and that is easy to do when you're confused.
    Go to school and everything else may slowly ease as you immerse yourself in you.

    My very best to you
         
        11-23-2013, 08:10 PM
      #5
    Started
    Friends, family, boys and horses will all be there once you've got an education. It's something I struggled with last year- I wanted to keep my job, help support my parents, keep riding my horse, spend more time with friends. Now I've changed my 'track' and I'm transferring to University, once I'm there Jackson will be put on hold (aka competing wont be a priority, pleasure riding and education will be). All I can say is GOOD FOR YOU for dealing with everything you have already, you're in a tough spot and it's going to get tougher, but I think it'll be worth it.

    On a separate note, I think pre-vet studies might be your best bet if you're looking at becoming a vet. But I think that's something you should sit down with an academic counsellor and talk about.
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
         
        11-23-2013, 08:40 PM
      #6
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bkylem    
    Okay, I hear parents, relatives, boyfriend, horse and finally you.

    I think it is maybe time to be a little selfish and focus almost solely on yourself a bit.
    In other words, invest your energy into education. Choose a major and go !
    You seem to thrive a little on the drama and that is easy to do when you're confused.
    Go to school and everything else may slowly ease as you immerse yourself in you.

    My very best to you
    Just curious on what you mean by thrive a little on the drama?

    I do need to focus on myself, but I've always found it so hard. I will be transferring Fall 2013, or at least I have applied to transfer.. we'll see how it goes.
         
        11-23-2013, 08:43 PM
      #7
    Showing
    Thanks for the advice so far, I just got done with a hike and feeling so much more grounded about things.
         
        11-23-2013, 11:25 PM
      #8
    Yearling
    Sky,
    I've always kind of admired you from what you post. Here you are, moving back to the country separate from your parents to be with your horse and attend university. You meet guys and seem to do well, adapt well, exercise right, etc.

    I'm sure things will work out for you because you seem to adapt well and make smart choices. I wish I had half as much courage as you did!
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
         
        11-24-2013, 04:21 AM
      #9
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Corazon Lock    
    Sky,
    I've always kind of admired you from what you post. Here you are, moving back to the country separate from your parents to be with your horse and attend university. You meet guys and seem to do well, adapt well, exercise right, etc.

    I'm sure things will work out for you because you seem to adapt well and make smart choices. I wish I had half as much courage as you did!
    This was incredibly dear to me, thank you!

    I guess I just can't see the whole picture of what I'm up against. From my angle it's almost like jumping over logs with my ankles tied together, but from another angle I'm soaring over fine.

    For the whole guy thing, I'm very good at perceiving what people's intentions are and I'm very quick to stay on the logical side of things. I've met my fair share of train wrecks, I've been in bad situations before, but I feel more ready.
    But man this guy I'm crazy about lately.. I've never met anyone like him except maybe my father (which is weird to say, but he's the only other genuine person I know)

    And the hilarious thing is my dad has always been protective, yes, but with guys he trusts me and knows that I can handle things and will call him in for backup. I'm a tough cookie.. but this guy makes him nervous. Because he just.. he's that good of a person and my dad has not met one of those in a long long time. He has no agenda, he does things because it makes others (and him) happy. How many people have you known or met like that??

    Thank you for your kind words, despite me rambling a bit :P I typically don't ramble over guys but he just.. something about him.
         
        11-24-2013, 08:46 AM
      #10
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel    
    Just curious on what you mean by thrive a little on the drama?

    I do need to focus on myself, but I've always found it so hard. I will be transferring Fall 2013, or at least I have applied to transfer.. we'll see how it goes.
    I only meant that when you begin numbering your problems from 1-4 and then add yourself last maybe you need to reverse the order and quit focusing on those items that you have little control over.
    You are actually entering a great phase of your life and the time (and money) you spend on your education will be the best investment you ever made.
    You just need to try to look forward and not back.

    You'll do great !
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
         

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