Feeling exhausted, annoyed, and down.
So we moved to the new arena a couple of months ago. One of the other volunteers, a 17-year-old boy (we'll call him Charlie, which of course isn't his real name), feels the constant need to be extremely competitive with me. It ranges from riding my favorite horse and jeering that "he rides her better/she likes him better" (sure, because she bucks up about 6 times when I ride her in the pasture, right?). He's now been rubbing it in my face that he was the first one to ride her in the arena and I was not, because I was home sick.
Yesterday my boss and I critiqued a young rider of 11 years who's picked up his grandfather's horrible riding habits (mostly in the form of posture and wanting to just runrunrunrunrun his poor horse). I posted on the forum to ask for ways to correct his mistakes without offending him, because when my boss and I did -- he cried. The last thing I need right now would be his mother mauling me because I "hurt her child." I was chastised for "criticizing him online" (which everything I said in the post was said to his face) and that I posted pictures with his face visible -- a mistake that I know I made an accepted. I've had other similar "jumps" on the site where I felt as if the member was throwing their weight/age around like a red flag in my face because I've made mistakes.
There's also art; I feel like I've hit a dead end even though there are plenty of doors resting in front of me. Outside of selling art through the business, commissions are zilch while other, poor-quality artist (I can come up with examples easily if you wish) are getting a plethora of commissions. This hurts my self-confidence in art. :roll:
There's also the growing stress of having a new volunteer, who's never even stroked a horse in her life, at the barn today -- along with the farrier and hay delivery; round bales that need to be placed today.
There's also another website causing a great deal of stress, but that's no worry to be honest.
Then the pony, who's still a danger to anyone who enters the pasture. It's almost as if my boss refuses to work with her, outside of some stroking and treating while she (the pony) pokes her head through an open stall door (the top that leads outside to the pasture, you know) while we're running the house. I don't feel safe around this pony because she's notorious for being totally okay one minute, and then a second later she's (literally) trying to kill you. X/
In jest, I feel like I'm at a complete dead end with no one to turn to. My mother is in California, my best friend over an hour away in Indiana, other friends too cocky to be serious. My boss is over-nurturing and tends to be more controlling when I go to her for advice; she, too, will pick apart my mistakes and make me feel as if I need to hit myself in the face with a shovel. She doesn't do it intentionally, but she does it.
Any pointers to help squash the stress bug? Not even riding or drawing has helped lately.
"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." (H.G. Wells)
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