Feeling exhausted, annoyed, and down. - The Horse Forum
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post #1 of 7 Old 01-31-2011, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Danville, IL
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Feeling exhausted, annoyed, and down.

So we moved to the new arena a couple of months ago. One of the other volunteers, a 17-year-old boy (we'll call him Charlie, which of course isn't his real name), feels the constant need to be extremely competitive with me. It ranges from riding my favorite horse and jeering that "he rides her better/she likes him better" (sure, because she bucks up about 6 times when I ride her in the pasture, right?). He's now been rubbing it in my face that he was the first one to ride her in the arena and I was not, because I was home sick.

Yesterday my boss and I critiqued a young rider of 11 years who's picked up his grandfather's horrible riding habits (mostly in the form of posture and wanting to just runrunrunrunrun his poor horse). I posted on the forum to ask for ways to correct his mistakes without offending him, because when my boss and I did -- he cried. The last thing I need right now would be his mother mauling me because I "hurt her child." I was chastised for "criticizing him online" (which everything I said in the post was said to his face) and that I posted pictures with his face visible -- a mistake that I know I made an accepted. I've had other similar "jumps" on the site where I felt as if the member was throwing their weight/age around like a red flag in my face because I've made mistakes.

There's also art; I feel like I've hit a dead end even though there are plenty of doors resting in front of me. Outside of selling art through the business, commissions are zilch while other, poor-quality artist (I can come up with examples easily if you wish) are getting a plethora of commissions. This hurts my self-confidence in art. :roll:

There's also the growing stress of having a new volunteer, who's never even stroked a horse in her life, at the barn today -- along with the farrier and hay delivery; round bales that need to be placed today.

There's also another website causing a great deal of stress, but that's no worry to be honest.

Then the pony, who's still a danger to anyone who enters the pasture. It's almost as if my boss refuses to work with her, outside of some stroking and treating while she (the pony) pokes her head through an open stall door (the top that leads outside to the pasture, you know) while we're running the house. I don't feel safe around this pony because she's notorious for being totally okay one minute, and then a second later she's (literally) trying to kill you. X/

In jest, I feel like I'm at a complete dead end with no one to turn to. My mother is in California, my best friend over an hour away in Indiana, other friends too cocky to be serious. My boss is over-nurturing and tends to be more controlling when I go to her for advice; she, too, will pick apart my mistakes and make me feel as if I need to hit myself in the face with a shovel. She doesn't do it intentionally, but she does it.

Any pointers to help squash the stress bug? Not even riding or drawing has helped lately.

"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." (H.G. Wells)
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post #2 of 7 Old 01-31-2011, 09:50 AM
Join Date: Jan 2010
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The best way I have found to deal with stress is to totally remove yourself from the situation for a few hours. Go somewhere, do something that takes your mind off of all your troubles for a little bit. For me, I read a good book but I am a book worm,lol. After a few hours I am normally refreshed and able to look at things with a new perspective.
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post #3 of 7 Old 01-31-2011, 11:42 AM
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I agree ^ take some time for YOU.

Horses are scared of two things... Things that move and things that don't.
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post #4 of 7 Old 01-31-2011, 03:52 PM
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Also one who agrees here - the thing is just kick back and relax for a while. Have some time just for yourself and push that all away from your mind. Watch a good movie or go out to have a dinner with some of your friends.

Sometimes we have dozens of those little stressful things in our lives. It's still good to remember it won't last ever but will turn more relaxed once.

"On hyviä vuosia, kauniita muistoja, mutta kuitenkaan, en saata unohtaa,
Että koskaan en ole yksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Vaikka myrsky hetkeksi tyyntyykin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Ja pian taas uusin hönkäyksin, varjo seuraa onneain.
Hei tuu mun luo, pieneksi hetkeksi. Puhutaan, varjoni, valkoiseksi enkeliksi."

Pelle Miljoona - Varjo seuraa onneain

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post #5 of 7 Old 02-01-2011, 03:15 AM
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Location: Seattle, WA
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I hope you don't feel that I "threw my weight around" when I suggested it didn't feel right about posting the boy's pics. I think my post was pretty even tempered and not jumping down your throat. I would never want to do that to anyone
It is hard to be critisized. I have had some directed at me on the forum and , "ouch" , it hurts! Especially when I just made a mistake.

Anyway, it sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed by it all. One thing that I know does NOT help is to re inummerate (list over again) all the things that are going wrong.
I agre with the others, take some time away and just say, "Da## things are tough right now!" But don't go into too much detail 'cause it just sets you off again.
Can you get out for a really fun trail ride? That always makes me feel better.

Once you get the day's sharp stings tucked away, one thing that really helps me when I start feeling sorry for myslef (and I am world's champion at this, I kid you not) I start to inummerate all the things that I am GRATEFUL for. It cannot help but have a positive effect. If you list all that God has done for you ( or fate if you choose) then you cannot help but have more confidence that more good things are bound to come.

PS ( I know what you mean about sometimes lousy art getting produced and sold while the better stuff goes begging.)
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post #6 of 7 Old 02-01-2011, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Location: Danville, IL
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No, Tiny, you didn't punch my throat at all. C: Your post was more like making me want to slap myself in the face for not editing the face to at least distort it. I wasn't looking to critique the boy in that post, but learn different ways to help improve his posture as well as correct his mistakes without making him cry again. The other "throwing their weight around" happened a while back when someone replied to a help topic all but trying to crush me with their "superior knowledge and experience" with horses. (They neglected where I said in the posts that I've only been working with horses for about a year now, but chewed me out regardless.)

Unfortunately I have no access to trails; otherwise I'd have been out for several hours by now. Haha. X) It's helped a lot to have everyone in this post, calm and level-headed, putting their opinions out there.

I suppose the lot of my problem burns from having a weak support system; people who won't listen or people who are more "do it my way, it's totally right for me, so it must be for you." It's one of those things I have to re-adjust to, I suppose.

"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." (H.G. Wells)
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post #7 of 7 Old 02-01-2011, 10:06 AM
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Location: Missouri
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Creampuff, I agree with Tiny's advice. You have many blessings. You get to be around horses which you love; we all know how fortunate we are for that! We all need a great support system. Unfortunately, you can't rely on forums such as this because the responses bring the good and the bad...you have to pick what you want to use and discard the rest without letting it get under your skin. I know that I want people to like me and approve of what I'm doing; when I feel like I'm being criticized it really hurts. I heard a saying that I really like -- "eat the fish and spit out the bones!" In other words, get rid of the bones (the things that hurt) and don't dwell on them -- the rest of the fish is great! Another thing that helps me when I'm feeling overwhelmed is to write down what I'm worrying about, and ask myself whether I'll even remember this stuff in 10 years. When I look at the list from that perspective it's usually only one or two things that matter; the rest is just part of the rough edges of life. I hope this helps. Hang in there!
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