The Horse Forum banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

feeling homesick

2K views 20 replies 12 participants last post by  clairegillies 
#1 ·
I've been here two weeks, quite miserable. feeling homesick is what it amounts to.. but quite strange as I don't have a home and haven't had one for more than three years.. I've either been staying with relatives or staying on farms where I manage to get work.
I've had a couple of jobs that really took me to the edge of exhaustion.
this place is good, they are not overworking me and I have a comfortable and warm room to stay in.
but I'm just feeling so down, its much further away than I've been before..
if you live in America this will seem a bit silly to you... I visited my friends there and wow did we drive for hours and hours!!
I'm usually an hour or so distance from friends and relatives, but this job its a two hour drive, and I find it quite tiring to drive up and down in the same day.
I have a day off tomorrow, and usually I would visit my daughter and my mum on the same day.. but this week I'm staying put, nothing to do. which makes me sad.
 
#2 ·
It's tough to be so far away from friends and family. Would they be able to meet you halfway, now and then, for the day? That way maybe it would help you feel a little less homesick.

A two hour drive would be tiring to me, too. I sure can understand that. Do you have time for hobbies and fun things you can do, after work? I found if I could keep busy, that most times I wasn't quite so sad and miserable. Although when you are tired sometimes certain hobbies can even be too much.
 
#5 ·
Sometimes even if you can't go, making a plan to go can make you feel better. If you organise your next trip you can start to look forward to it.

Can you stay the night there and make it an overnight trip?

When you're get busy you don't seem to have as much time to think about home. When you've got time to yourself suddenly you are free to think and wonder, be critical and dissatisfied. It happens all the time.

When I went to Ireland I was on a tour and was told how the English made/hired the Irish to build rock walls all over the place. Apparently, and I have no idea of the validity of this, but it was just to keep them busy. A busy, tired underclass is far less likely to rebel or cause problems than those with a little energy and free time on their hands.
 
#7 ·
I live an hour and a half to two hours from my family and don't think much of driving both ways in a day. In fact it's been crazy here lately. Mother's Day, a wedding on the 23rd, graduation parties on the 30th and June 6th. I've lived that far from them the last 16 years so I guess I've had time to get used to it. Heck, I have to drive 30 minutes one way just to go grocery shopping at the local store and an hour if I want to shop at Walmart. Small price to pay for living out in the boonies.

I am sorry that you're homesick though. Not fun while you're going through it although you do eventually get over it. It will help if you can make some friends where you live now.
 
#8 ·
I'm a military kid, and have lived overseas my entire life. I've been fortunate to stay rooted in one place for eleven years, but others still moved around me and I was away from extended family too.

Skype. Friends of mine who serve have managed to keep relationships going, keep in contact with family and friends through skype. I know its not the same, and you can't hug them, but seeing their faces does help.

Weekends may be your down time to be able to catch up on rest, but explore. Scotland is a beautiful place, and I hope to explore more of it this summer and look in to moving to Edinburgh. It'll keep your mind off things, and you can take wonderful photos to send to your mum and daughter!
 
#9 ·
thank you for all the replies.
my usual days off are Mon/Tues, today I've had a long lie and intend to go food shopping and to find where the local feed store is, I'm told there are two.
I tend to be tired out at the end of a working day, its quiet enough here just to go to bed early and read, that passes a lot of time.
my last job I was exhausted and had no internet connection so I think that two months of felling isolated had me feeling worse, so I'm still to get over that.
my mobile phone doesn't pick up much of a signal from here so I'm unable to make calls that often. its easier to communicate online from here as they had already set up a connection for me, also my employers have got me in for dinner and conversation a couple of times a week, nice people.
I do realise that its important to get out and about in a new area to get to know where everything is and make it familiar.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Remali
#10 ·
I think I understand. I have traveled most of my life.

At one point, while with racehorses, I would wake up disoriented, not knowing what town or state I was in. Food all tasted the same. I was "road weary." The trainer I worked for arranged for me to go to a horse farm for a few weeks. A human version of "turn out."

I eventually had to get a place of my own. I still travel a lot, but it just helps knowing I have a spot in this world of my own.

Be especially kind to yourself when you feel this way. While there are benefits to the life you chose, it is also a harder than average life, IMO.
 
#11 ·
Having moved a lot (once every 2 years minimum my entire life) I totally get where you're coming from on this one. I agree with the advice above, Skype helps a lot, making plans for a trip out (once or twice a month) or meeting them halfway for a brunch etc every once and a while. 2 hours isn't too too bad, maybe you can make plans to spend a weekend a month out there with them?
 
#14 ·
How long have you been in the job for?

I know it's easy for me to say, but I wouldn't stick around for longer than needed if I wasn't happy; it doesn't have to be about job satisfaction, but your overall well being.

Keep your chin up, and maybe think about keeping a diary, and at the start of the week plan. Give yourself something every day, or every other day, that will put a smile on your face. Whether that be riding, clean bedsheets, getting out to see the scenery or planning a visit to your daughter and mother. It's how I get through the same in same out life I live until I can financially secure myself a new life in the UK.
 
#15 ·
I've only been here two weeks,
its not so easy just to leave as I have money problems that need to be kept on top of... one of the reasons I've ended up in 'live in' jobs.
but I don't think I could stay long term if I keep feeling like this, perhaps if I give my self three months and then decide.
my daughter has said I can stay with her if need be but I would have to find a job in that area first as I can't ask her to bail me out money wise.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Remali
#16 ·
Hi Claire,

I struggle with homesickness often, not a day goes by that I don't miss the people I love and the culture I left behind.

I don't skype people, I send a lot of messages on facebook/other free services like whatsapp, wechat, ect. Talking to them is harder - I get off the phone and am in a serious "funk" sometimes for 30 minutes, sometimes for several days.

There is little advice I can give you, because this is all something we deal with in different ways. Some people cope by being sociable. Some cope by writing. I find walking helps me, headphones on & head down - into my own little world I go.

I only get home every 4/5 years. While I've now got kids & a husband - sometimes I still feel so incredibly lonely that they may as well not be there at all. I work towards the day that I may get home again, but until then I just keep soldering on - do my work, take care of my kids and do my best to make sure they have a relationship with those I care about.

I too have little to go back to - My real mother is dead, my real father estranged. The house I grew up in was a rental, it's now lived in by another family. Friends have gone their separate ways and made lives of their own, but it still doesn't stop the longing for those that are still there, the ones who truly know me and care. The ones I can say "remember when" to and we can laugh about the old days.
 
#17 ·
Work on finding something to be grateful for, every single day. Doesn't matter how small, just stop and think, "If I wasn't here I wouldn't have seen/experienced THAT." and be grateful for it. When I get down and out, I force myself to find some gratitude for something and I find it lifts me up. Once you have formed the habit of being grateful, it gets easier to find things to be grateful for and it keeps you buoyed up.

Find a way to give to someone less fortunate than you. Doesn't have to be a lot, just a bit of time, knowledge or skill. Maybe go read to folks in the local nursing home once or twice a week. Just get outside of yourself and give a bit.
 
#18 ·
That's wonderful you can stay with your daughter, if you choose to move. If you want to move back with family, I think that is a great idea. I moved out of state many years ago, I gave it about 4 to 6 weeks, and I was still miserable, I ended up moving back home. I look at this way.... at least I tried, and I won't have any regrets about not trying it, I was happy to move back home though.
 
#19 ·
has anyone every gone 'cap in hand' and asked a previous employer for a job back?
any ideas how to start the ball rolling.. perhaps an email or would a phone call or letter be more suitable.
I am going to ask at two clinics that I worked reception in, they are in the area where I could stay with my daughter till I found cheap enough living accommodation.

Dear... ???
 
  • Like
Reactions: Remali
#20 ·
Did you leave the clinics on a good note? How close were you to the owners or managers?

If you left well and had good rapport with the management, it probably wouldn't be too hard to just call them up and talk to them for a few minutes. Tell them you're rethinking the position you took and are going to be returning to the area and would appreciate any help they can give you as far as letting you know about open positions, either with them or someone they know.

If they really like you, it shouldn't take anymore than that. If they don't have something, but know of someone who's looking, they'll let you know real quick.
 
#21 ·
I hadn't fallen out with anyone, just thought I was moving to a better job... I left the last clinic to go to the farm with the 'caravan' , silly me.

that's a good way to ask, thank you for your help there.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Remali
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top