Feeling Hopeless - Page 2
 
 

       The Horse Forum > Life Beyond Horses > General Off Topic Discussion

Feeling Hopeless

This is a discussion on Feeling Hopeless within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

    Like Tree19Likes

     
    LinkBack Thread Tools
        11-24-2013, 07:01 AM
      #11
    Green Broke
    Everything will be okay.

    Fighting with depression and anxiety is really hard, but there are better times and worse times and so things will get better.

    You're not alone in feeling left out in social situations. Some people just don't slot in so easy and that's okay. There are other attributes that you have that some really social people don't, all in all it balances out. With your friend's new flatmates it's kind of expected that you don't quite fit in straight away. Friendships and relationships can take a lot of time, years even for you to build shared interests. It's hard looking in from the outside and it's hard feeling like you don't belong or something - but it's just a feeling you need to accept. Just like if you're not super social, if you do have difficulties with a few things - these are just part of you. You're who you are in all ways and sometimes that isn't easy, but the sooner you accept yourself and stop comparing your life, choices, abilities etc to others then you'll really start to be able to build your life. You're not strange, there is nothing wrong with you.

    My theory on things is that when things get tough, confusing, tricky then you just do what you can. You stop worrying about the future, stop worrying if you'll pass your classes, if you fit in, if you need to move out etc. Just do what you can. If you can only read one page then do that, if you can only write one paragraph then do that.

    One thing that helps is creating spaces and routines. Sure, you can study just as well at home but when you have focus problems or something it can be good to create a space. While you're at the college maybe put away an hour before classes and an hour after and just go to a private desk in the library and try to study. If you do nothing but stare into space for an hour that's okay, but once you get into the routine and develop a space for concentration and study I think it will come easier.

    In the same way create the spaces at home, a private place to just be you. When you're there you don't need to worry or study.

    Routine, with food or exercise or study or even socialising helps. It really does. Always wake up at the same time no matter what, in my experience as soon as my sleep goes out of schedule so does my mood.

    As far as living with people - I would never live with friends. Each time I have moved in with someone who was already a friend it has turned out badly. Living with strangers is so much easier. Living with people, you don't want to be relying on each other or have expectations of support or friendship. Once you start leaning on someone too much then that's when stress and conflict comes up. Living with strangers you almost always develop some sort of friendship, but it's on different terms. I would really recommend considering living with strangers. It's okay living at home though, lots of people are still living at home at your age, it can important to have support around you.

    You can always come and talk on here, most people are kind I think.
         
    Sponsored Links
    Advertisement
     
        11-25-2013, 01:06 AM
      #12
    Yearling
    Sky - thank you so much for your kind words. I'm sitting here crying that they were so kind. I know I compare myself too much to other people my age and constantly worry about what others think. I'm glad I am not the only one who wasn't ready to move out at 18 or 19 or whatever. So many people have told me that I need to just suck it up and do it, but I just don't think I can right now. I feel like every aspect of my life is just failing right now. But yes, my parents are truly supportive, especially my mom, and she's very non-judgmental about my anxiety with things. They would not allow me to drop out of college, and honestly, I don't know what I would do without going to college. Work at the grocery store forever?

    Speaking of that store, I'm back there for Thanksgiving break working again and I have missed everyone and everything there SO MUCH. It was just a rush today, being my first day back. I was actually excited about it, I smiled when I was there, had quite a few laughs with my manager and friend who I swear gets crazier every time I see her, and one of my favorite older coworkers, like an extra grandma, is home from Texas and is working there again to make money. She is so, so sweet. Some of my customers were so happy to see me, and I was so happy to see them. For once since quite a while, I felt confident, happy, and energized. But I'm so sad because I know at the end of this week I will leave there again. I have so many friends there, customers, other workers, even the managers! And I've been back only one day and am already dreading leaving it again. Even when I was most depressed, the grocery store was always something that would perk me up. I'm just so upset that I have to leave it behind until Christmas break, and after one day, I'm wondering how I can function without it. Crazy, huh?

    Saskia, I totally agree that you should never move in with friends. You're totally right. And you're right about making a routine too. I do have my own space at home, my room. I also really enjoy the living room couch. At school, I frequently go to the Global Café or Library Chapel where there are not a lot of people.

    I'm glad to know that there are some people out there who do not fit in so easily in social groups. I love to talk and socialize, but groups tend to be too much for me, and in a group of three people, I find that I am almost always the third wheel or the one people gang up on.

    It's also comforting that you say that it's okay to do only what I can do. Very comforting.

    I've been called out on here sometimes, and I think a lot of it has to do with how I handle social issues and not explaining that I am not confident with situations gone awry. Either way, it really stings and chases me off the Forum for a while. I need to learn to take criticism a lot better, I know.
         
        11-25-2013, 01:20 AM
      #13
    Weanling
    Please don't let some responses chases you off. You should actually post more.
         
        11-25-2013, 01:36 PM
      #14
    Yearling
    I should post more? Lol, I feel like I've just flooded this thread with all of my feelings and drama. But for more of a post...

    I've been doing really great right about until after I get off work. I love my job, I feel happy and smiley, personable, almost back to myself. I work with so many fun people, if one's not around, the other is! But last night, I just broke down in tears because it's only for this week. I dread going back to school. I feel so safe at my job - they're pretty nonjudgmental and they are all very happy to see me. Even the grouchy old lady can't bring me down!

    Basically, work is like a high for me. I feel great when I'm there, but when I get home, I come off of it pretty fast and feel miserable. :-/

    I also feel like I'm doing something for myself by making some money. I feel competent at my job.

    Can I say something else? To be honest, I dread seeing my friend back at school. I'm not really quite sure why. Maybe it's because I feel like she is really judgmental when it comes to me but then is really easygoing with other people. Here at home, I can just be myself and everyone just takes it like it is.
         
        11-25-2013, 03:24 PM
      #15
    Weanling
    Quote:
    I'm failing two of my classes, and it's probably too late to turn it all around. It's so hard for me to concentrate and sit still in class and listen to stuff that isn't exactly appealing. I feel like I can never buckle down and study or do homework because I get anxious about it or can't focus. Besides that, I write for the school paper, and I've had numerous things go wrong with all of that, and it just causes me a bunch of stress, but I need the experience for a resume.
    Forget that particular degree. You're just not interested enough in the subject material. That's the way I was in nursing school: I was all pumped up beforehand, and I got accepted to 4 of 5 RN programs I applied to. But after I got in there and found out that nursing was more motherhood and janitorial service than science, and that too many patients see nurses as Mommy and too many nurses get off on that, I knew it was over for me. I like science and the pathology of disease and the mechanics of the body interested me. But taking care of stupid people who are too lazy to even try to take care of their own health really ground my gears. So, I quit. And the day I drove down the road knowing that I would never set foot in that nursing school again, it felt wonderful like a definite win.

    Go to your guidance dept. And take a Strong or Campbell interest survey or similar interest and aptitude test. Then talk to an adviser who can steer you into a practical degree that is vocationally oriented. If you are shy and introverted, then the people professions are not going to be a natural fit for you. Maybe even learning a trade would be better, since you said you like working but you are not happy in the university setting.

    Somebody once said "Shyness is selfishness." Keep that in mind when you feel like retreating. Most people are wrapped up in themselves and their families and their personal interests. They aren't uber-focused on you or whatever you are doing, so there is no need for you go go around feeling anxious all the time. You are just imprisoning yourself and holding yourself back. You have to grow up, deal with the rest of the world, pull your own weight. Life is unpleasant much of the time nowadays. Learn to toughen up and deal with it. What are you going to do when you don't have your parents to help you? Develop a plan for yourself. There is nobody stopping you but YOU. Seriously.
         
        11-25-2013, 07:02 PM
      #16
    Yearling
    TackCollector,
    I wish it were as easy as that. I really do. Do you think that I don't know that this is a personal problem? Do you know how many times I've wanted to just get over it? I DON'T KNOW HOW. I'm sorry, I know you are trying to help, but this has been something going on for years and years. I've been off and on depressed and anxious since high school. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I doubt you have ever experienced "generalized anxiety" or "social anxiety," two things that are actual illnesses. Yes, everyone has some anxiety some of the time. But most people don't have it all the time. Telling someone who has social anxiety that other people aren't focusing on them doesn't work. Because, when you're holding a conversation with them, when it counts that you sound a certain way or say certain things like at an interview, you're being focused on. <---That is my social anxiety. When I feel like I have to make an impression or when there's a problem between me and another person, that's when I get scared and freeze up. I can talk to strangers. Very well. I like to talk to people, I feed off of positive or funny interactions with people. I'll talk to anyone as long as I am not required to argue, convince, or make an impression. I don't think I could do a job where I didn't interact with people. I stayed at the grocery store for what's now 4 years because I loved the little hometown atmosphere and being able to work with the public and get to know the community. Please tell me how that is shy.

    Second of all, I don't get a choice in taking these classes because they're gen eds. I was supposed to have completed them with my associate's degree from the community college (or be exempt, whatever), but because the community college didn't let me know that my one AP class in high school didn't count for university but counted for community college, I'm stuck taking them all over again.

    As far as careers go, it's hard for me to tell because I'm two different people between depressed and not depressed. When I'm not depressed, I am so outgoing and happy. When I am depressed, I tend to want to spend more time alone and find that I do not smile quite as much. I loved journalism when I wasn't depressed. But now that I'm trying to get that under control, I can't tell whether or not I really don't like journalism or if it's just runoff from depression.

    I want to get my college degree. I feel like there will be so many more job openings for me with a bachelor's degree, regardless of the major. Plus, I have 2 years left of school, technically I guess, and it feels wrong to quit when my parents have put all that money into helping me get my degree in whatever. I don't know what kind of trade I could do. I'm not into welding or anything like that - that was never for me. I find many subjects interesting, but only if I can be more hands on with the subject and learn what I need to know that will be helpful in life. All this math, science, liberal arts....I don't think I'll ever use that. I want information that will help me in everyday life or something with a sense of practicality, not all this liberal art nonsense that isn't usually useful to life.

    It's like a catch 22. I don't know what I want out of life, but I don't want anything because I'm depressed.

    Oh, and one more thing: I will not be reliant on my parents forever. Do not assume that I will be. But right now, I can't do it all myself. Whenever I get a chance, I go back to work to earn money. I'm trying to be more independent, but it's a lot to take in. It's certainly not the same for everyone, and while I'm glad you seemed to have found your way, it's taking me a little longer.
         
        11-26-2013, 09:49 AM
      #17
    Foal
    I'm so sorry you're struggling. I've dealt with many of the same issues. Try not to compare yourself to others. And try not to put pressure on yourself to live life on someone else's time table. Take things at your pace. If that means living at home for a while, do it without feeling guilty. If your home is an emotionally healthy environment, you're better off there while you get your meds worked out and get feeling good again. And if you need to scale back and go to school part-time for a while while you figure things out, do it. Maybe you need to work part-time at the store and go to school part-time for a while. Maybe something else. But it's your life and only you can know what's best for you. Pay no attention to those who are judgmental and critical. Some people just don't understand true depression and anxiety because they've never experienced it, and they try to compare it to their own experiences. Hang in there. You're going to be fine. It's clear to me that you're not a freeloader who's taking advantage of your parents. You just need some time and support right now. And pets certainly help too! Life will always have challenges, but we learn from each one and get stronger and wiser so we're better prepared to meet the next one. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Corazon Lock and aubie like this.
         
        11-26-2013, 12:17 PM
      #18
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by hoiski    
    I'm so sorry you're struggling. I've dealt with many of the same issues. Try not to compare yourself to others. And try not to put pressure on yourself to live life on someone else's time table. Take things at your pace. If that means living at home for a while, do it without feeling guilty. If your home is an emotionally healthy environment, you're better off there while you get your meds worked out and get feeling good again. And if you need to scale back and go to school part-time for a while while you figure things out, do it. Maybe you need to work part-time at the store and go to school part-time for a while. Maybe something else. But it's your life and only you can know what's best for you. Pay no attention to those who are judgmental and critical. Some people just don't understand true depression and anxiety because they've never experienced it, and they try to compare it to their own experiences. Hang in there. You're going to be fine. It's clear to me that you're not a freeloader who's taking advantage of your parents. You just need some time and support right now. And pets certainly help too! Life will always have challenges, but we learn from each one and get stronger and wiser so we're better prepared to meet the next one. Sending hugs and good thoughts your way.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    Solid all the way around.
         
        11-26-2013, 03:10 PM
      #19
    Yearling
    Hoiski,
    Thank you so much. Lately, I feel like I can't open up to anyone. I've tried before, and people seem to want to tell me how to live my life more than just listening. And that's kind of what I want, someone to listen. It seems like every time I try to confide in someone, they just don't get it. My friends don't get it, my parents don't get it, and I don't really share with anyone else except my counselor. My psychiatrist comes off very judgmental, but then again, I'm a sensitive sort, and when I'm like this, I have a lot of trouble distinguishing rightfully feeling criticized or being too sensitive.

    I guess this week has been super hard because I am back working at the store, and it's such a relief. Of course, everyone wants to know how college is going, and some of the people I'm closest to there have backed off from the subject, knowing how the apartment situation went down and how I felt about some things - I didn't divulge my depression or anxiety to them. Only two of my coworkers (managers, haha, nonetheless) know that I'm on antidepressants, and only one of them knows some of my experiences with it. But the rest of my coworkers all want to know about where I'm living, when I came home, how I like college...I can't lie to them, I tell them it's okay, and that my living situation fell out and I couldn't find living down there because of the influx of students (partially true) at such late notice, so I drive back and forth an hour and a half - I don't know if I mentioned that before. Some of them are whatever about it, but some of them keep telling me I'm crazy, that I'm losing money, and what about the Iowa winters? I don't know what to say to them. This money, by the way, is coming from my own bank account. I tell them I do have places to stay overnight if I need to, that I drive a truck so it's better through the snow, that I drive carefully in bad weather and am not afraid of it. But they still persist. I wish I had never gone off to college down there, but it's about the closest university and has one of the best journalism programs, though sometimes I'm not confident that journalism is the way to go, but I am too tired to go through another change that would require more schooling, and I don't know what I would do anyway.

    I can't work at the store forever, I know this much. I love the place, but there are no full-time positions open, and although the people I work with on a day to day basis are lovely, the owners are greedy penny pinchers that don't pay their employees enough or hire competent head managers - ours is a socially awkward guy who 99% of the time can't reprimand anyone! Everyone tells me it's a dead end street, that I would get tired of it anyway, that I should just keep going to school. I probably would get tired of it, and it is a dead end street, but I do love the atmosphere, my coworkers dearly, and interacting with customers.

    Such is my life. Prayers that I make it through leaving the dang store again for school.
         
        11-26-2013, 04:33 PM
      #20
    Weanling
    Stop wallowing. Really, you are just ruining your own life. If you ever snap out of this and move on, you will look back and kick yourself for wasting so much of you youth on it. Seriously, you will. You don't have any problems that can't be solved. I'm middleaged, and I am giving you good practical advice.

    I used to be painfully shy as a kid, but I found my element when I got OUT of my stupid small town of dumb jocks and cheerleaders and highschooler's drama, and got into the city and engineering and a corporation where people have something far more important to do than form bumpkin cliques and nitpick over trivia, haha.

    Actually I do know all about high anxiety, because I went all the way into PTSD and paranoia and extreme fear and being afraid to drive or walk or go anywhere while going through my divorce. (Not that it stopped me. I just did it but was scared half out of my mind the entire time.) It didn't help, either, that the ex and his family had access to AT&T telco equipment, my phones were tapped illegally, my home was bugged, and I was being GPS-tracked via cellphone. Finally law enforcement had to tell them to cease and desist or go to jail. AND I weaned myself off of Xanax, without any help whatsoever. And if you've ever been on that long term, you know that the rebound anxiety from going off of it has to be kept on a very short leash and not allowed to drive you back to taking Xanax.

    How do you handle anxiety and fear? You stuff the emotion down, you stop being a baby, you become a hardazz, you grow up, and you go out and get something accomplished. It's really that simple. Doctors and behavioral therapists don't always give advice like that, because if everyone who needs help gets well, the doctors and therapists have to round up new clients to pay the bills. Your roommates and the adults are probably acting weird toward you because you are failing to make the transition from teen to adult.

    I am not a fan of the Catholic church and its role for women, but one thing they do understand very well is the concept of duty, and how you do not let your emotions rule you. Like, you don't always get to do what you LIKE, and life may and will be very unpleasant at times, but you suck it up and do what has to be done. Master that ability, and you will be a free woman.

    I wish you all the best.
         

    Quick Reply
    Please help keep the Horse Forum enjoyable by reporting rude posts.
    Message:
    Options

    Register Now

    In order to be able to post messages on the The Horse Forum forums, you must first register.

    Already have a Horse Forum account?
    Members are allowed only one account per person at the Horse Forum, so if you've made an account here in the past you'll need to continue using that account. Please do not create a new account or you may lose access to the Horse Forum. If you need help recovering your existing account, please Contact Us. We'll be glad to help!

    New to the Horse Forum?
    Please choose a username you will be satisfied with using for the duration of your membership at the Horse Forum. We do not change members' usernames upon request because that would make it difficult for everyone to keep track of who is who on the forum. For that reason, please do not incorporate your horse's name into your username so that you are not stuck with a username related to a horse you may no longer have some day, or use any other username you may no longer identify with or care for in the future.

    User Name:
    Password
    Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
    Password:
    Confirm Password:
    Email Address
    Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
    Email Address:

    Log-in

    Human Verification

    In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.


    Old Thread Warning
    This thread is more than 90 days old. When a thread is this old, it is often better to start a new thread rather than post to it. However, If you feel you have something of value to add to this particular thread, you can do so by checking the box below before submitting your post.

    Thread Tools

    Similar Threads
    Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
    Feeling Rather Hopeless Laineylou Horse Talk 23 05-02-2012 12:46 AM
    Hopeless Cause tempest Horse Talk 14 03-03-2010 03:39 PM



    All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:58 AM.


    Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
    Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
    Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0