Alright, I do admit that you do have some very valid, good points, and I am glad to hear that you got over your PTSD/anxiety/paranoia, especially after the ex went all "stalker" on you. Yikes.
However, I do have a few things that I'm not quite sure I agree on, but I would like your viewpoint of them.
Oh, and yeah, I've never taken Xanax, or any drug that's been mainly used for anxiety. I've always been on anti-depressants, and my counseling has always been for anxiety, which, at the time of high school, I struggled with a phobia of vomiting.
You're right, I have no unsolvable problems, but you have to admit that it isn't easy walking the shaky bridge to the other side, metaphorically. That being said, I have also never been a "hardazz" as you call it. I don't know if being that comes from a personality trait or is learned. Towards other people (which I would think would mirror myself), I've never been one to tell people to get over themselves or whatever. I haven't been in their shoes, so I don't know what they're dealing with - I'm not them. I offer support, make some suggestions, and try to listen.
Which brings me to another thought that I had. When I was over the hump with depression and anxiety this past year, I started feeling frustration for people that were depressed or anxious. Suddenly, I could no longer empathize. I wonder if many people feel that way. Once they get over their illnesses, they forget what it is like to be there. And now that I'm back, I realize that I was wrong to judge.
Why are 1 in 5 people of America depressed, simply? Why weren't people this depressed farther back in time? Was it because at the time, people thought mental illness patients were cursed or bad? Is it more acceptable now? Or was life better back then?
While I can see that some big shots in the mental health industry are probably in it for patients for money, I don't think I can really back your claim that counselors are for a couple of reasons. First of all, it takes a master's degree to be a licensed counselor/social worker. And you can't say they do it for the money because counselors don't get paid much at all. So, to go to school for six years, you would have to have some sort of passion for the work, for the people. You have to train under someone before you can practice, I believe, but I don't know if that is after the master's or not. Then, you must go about finding clients. Yes, counselors are high-priced; most people that go to them have health insurance that can cover many of the costs. Because of this insurance, counselors don't get paid near what the face-value cost is. If you don't have health insurance, you aren't as likely to have a well-paying job, and in that case, you can't afford to visit a counselor. So counselors deal with suicidal people, sad people, etc. - things that could easily depress the one who is counseling - for not much money. I've checked out a couple of website and counselors make on average $40000 a year. While that certainly isn't as bad as some, teachers make about 38000, according to the BLS, coming into teaching. And we all know that teaching isn't a career field you pick to get rich in. So, there's definitely more than money involved. And, if every 1 in 5 persons in the US is, in fact, depressed, you would think that counselors would have plenty of patients out there. My last point is that, in asking expert opinion for a counselor, the recommended counselor is usually one with a high success rate in whatever area your illness lies in. Based on previous experience, I know it is hard to get into counselors and you must plan weeks in advance at times, and some counselors will even put a cap on the number of patients they see, or patients with certain circumstances, so not everyone can get in. So no, I can't exactly support your claim.
And, maybe I haven't made myself exactly clear on this, but I am finding I like nothing. I don't want to ride my horse, I don't want to go socialize, I don't want to write - all things that I usually enjoy. I have always been told to do work first (which, yes, I am horrible at) and play later. Well, if you don't like the play, what is your "reward," so to speak, in work? Where do you find passion, happiness? I don't know. I'm probably all turned around, I always have been. I just know excitement or the thought of doing something after working that you enjoy gets you through the unpleasant stuff. When it's all unpleasant, that's a little harder.
And yes, I'll admit, I was probably spoiled, coddled, and overprotected in my childhood. As a child, I was shy and very attached to my mother. I spent most of my time at my grandma's house, playing with the cows and calves. I loved to talk to people once I got to know them. A guy that worked at the farm called me "Noisy." The vet, whom I still know, and still to this day, called me "Mouthy." When I got to pre-school, I had a bumpy, rocky transition and had attachment issues. The teachers thought I should be held back another year because of my underdeveloped, poor social skills, but I went into kindergarten, where nap time became anxiety time, lol. I'd kill for nap time now! But anyway, I loved to talk about the cows at the farm, anything and everything. The other kids thought I was weird. I didn't have friends there. I got along better with the teachers, who always called me sweet and responsible and a non-troublemaker. I didn't get my first friend until the 3rd grade. She was a little weird too, but it a different way. We were friends in high school, and she was probably my only true friend from there. She was socially awkward but super smart and always there, always caring, always supportive. She's in Minnesota now and I only see her on breaks. I've always been the one to get along better with adults than people my own age. I struggle with people my own age and have few friends there, but I flourish in the presence of adults, especially senior citizens. I guess it's because I grew up around adults and didn't interact as much with kids. I've always been cautious of people my own age. And I've never really enjoyed the same things they do. I've never wanted to party, go to football games, whatever college students like to do. I don't care; I know that's always been me. I enjoy getting a paycheck and working with people through customer service. In even the darkest times, after I adjusted, I was always glad to go to work!
Okay, and back to spoiled and coddled. I wasn't brought up doing chores, and I probably should have been. I was never grounded. Never had an allowance. If I went somewhere, my parents always gave me money for supper or something like that. I'd give the rest of the money back. My parents worry like crazy, and I don't doubt that that rubbed off of me. My dad is afraid of me driving, getting raped, getting kidnapped...anything. They would never leave me alone at home overnight because they were vacationing because they never did vacation. I went to a personal baby-sitter when I was young. Mom is self-employed and picked me up and dropped me off from school. They are hardworking but were never able to instill that into me. I did get a job, the one I still work sometimes now, at the grocery store right when I turned 16, and I did pay for much of my expenses, though I do note my parents did pay for 2/3 of my first horse, the fencing, the trailer...all the big stuff. They cover my car insurance and pay for car maintenance much of the time. I pay vet bills, farrier bills, tack, shows, etc. When I got into the community college, I did Monday/Wednesday/Friday classes, and I worked 7-4 on Tuesdays and Thursdays and then usually on the weekends. By time I was in my second semester, I was regularly working 20 hours. That summer, I was only pleased if I got over 30 hours of work. I cross-trained, not only cashiering but stocking, working in the dairy and produce, and tending the greenhouse when we had it. By time I was in my sophomore year, I was working 25-30 hours a week. This last summer, I would have gone full-time if they could have let me. I was basically the sole caretaker of the greenhouse, even though I got so sick of the plants. The money motivated me. I don't get how I can be so motivated at one job but be so lackadaisical in other aspects of life. In no way can I blame my parents as I did have a great childhood, but this is more of an explanation. And yes, I need to change.
As for my friends, I've learned to not really confide, not even to my parents. I don't usually tell anyone about all of this. So, I keep most of it to myself. I'm sure outwardly I do act a little different - quieter, not quite as happy or excitable, and taking more time to myself, but I rarely let people know.
Why do people transition so seamlessly? Why do I have so many problems with change, even in general? Why do I wake up exhausted with no energy, no compulsion, when I sleep my 8 hours? Why don't I want anything out of life? I don't get this, I really don't. Why don't I have the motivation to do whatever it takes to get what I want? Why do I freeze in uncomfortable situations? I so envy the people that can get everything done, everything organized, without fatigue.
Why have I posted all of this? Well, because I'm a rambler, first of all. But second of all, Tack Collector, the posts above you tend to disagree with your ideology. And I wonder which way is the right one? Sometimes, I dream of just leaving, on a whim, not telling anyone, and driving across the country, cutting all the people I know off. Maybe then I could learn to be a real "hardazz."