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Feeling Hopeless

This is a discussion on Feeling Hopeless within the General Off Topic Discussion forums, part of the Life Beyond Horses category

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        11-27-2013, 12:08 PM
      #31
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Skyseternalangel    
    It's funny how different people handle things in their own way. For me, I can't swallow fear, instead I confront it. I accept that it's there and then ask myself why it's there. What caused it, and why does that cause bother me?

    Once I figure that out, I can find the logic or reasoning inside it. And then I can deal with it in a healthy way.

    Suck it up buttercup just doesn't work for me, I have to understand it instead of mask it.
    I agree. Suppressing emotions isn't healthy. Sometimes we have to push through them or set them aside and come back to them when it's more convenient because we have to be able to function in the moment. But if we suppress them, they never really go away. They'll just come back to bite us later. (Speaking from my experiences with childhood abuse, trauma, grief, PTSD, dissociation, etc. and from years of therapy with a brilliant therapist. Much of my family, on the other hand, prefers their comfortable denial. To each his own.) Sometimes figuring out the reason behind emotions is difficult. And, remember, with depression and anxiety there can be biological factors as well. Hence the need for medication.
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        11-27-2013, 12:14 PM
      #32
    Trained
    I think also you need to realize and accept that people judge. It's what they do. People close to you will form their own opinions on what you should be doing and look at you oddly when you deviate from that path. That is on THEM and NOT YOU. They are not living your life. You have to do what's best for you and what makes you happy - which may be something non traditional!

    Don't shrink from their judgement. Be fascinated at their ego that they think themselves knowledgeable enough to decide your life for you. How awesome it must be to go living life and know so much that you just KNOW what's best for other people? Don't shake your head in concern that you're letting them down, shake your head in awe that they of all people are not supportive.

    Good luck! Sometimes meds can take tweaking and time to work, so patience is key.
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        11-27-2013, 12:25 PM
      #33
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by DancingArabian    
    I think also you need to realize and accept that people judge. It's what they do. People close to you will form their own opinions on what you should be doing and look at you oddly when you deviate from that path. That is on THEM and NOT YOU. They are not living your life. You have to do what's best for you and what makes you happy - which may be something non traditional!

    Don't shrink from their judgement. Be fascinated at their ego that they think themselves knowledgeable enough to decide your life for you. How awesome it must be to go living life and know so much that you just KNOW what's best for other people? Don't shake your head in concern that you're letting them down, shake your head in awe that they of all people are not supportive.

    Good luck! Sometimes meds can take tweaking and time to work, so patience is key.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    It seems like people have even more opinions about your life when you're young adult/college age. LOL. I laugh now. But back then it made me so angry sometimes because they had no idea what I was going through or dealing with. That's why only you (and God) can know what's best for you. No one else has all the facts.
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        11-27-2013, 01:59 PM
      #34
    Trained
    ^^^^
    Part of it is hindsight. Lots of people wish they had done this or that when younger. I think a lot of it is that people kind of put you in a box mentally and don't like when you climb out.
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        11-27-2013, 04:45 PM
      #35
    Weanling
    I have always found very little understanding from others as it relates to an issue of the mind. They either dismiss it totally or have little apathy for those who do. They have a hard time with problems that aren't visable
    A broken leg......yep
    A cut forehead.....yep.
    A case of anxiety......nope.

    Just stay on the program they prescribe. I decided to stop taking my meds once because I was feeling better, but quickly learned it was a foolish act because it was the meds that were making me feel better. Not one of my brightest acts. :)

    My very best to you. It gets better.
         
        11-27-2013, 10:20 PM
      #36
    Yearling
    Hmm, these are all interesting thoughts, and many to consider!

    Sky: I wish you the best of luck in working things out with your Lovely Man and new living arrangements, and as I said previously on your thread, doing what you are doing is very admirable. I was thinking that you could still keep in touch with him via Skype, email, Facebook, or even letters. I know it isn't the same as seeing him, and it's pretty difficult to have a relationship over the phone and Internet, but perhaps something will happen. I guess you never know!

    You're correct, I feel pretty invincible at the store. It feels safe, the people make me laugh all the time, and I love that I am basically the "top gun" there. I get the hours I want, the raises I want (well, to a point), and the jobs I want. Even when I err, it's not a big deal. Today was so hectic and I managed to ram a cart into a lady's vehicle by accident when it started rolling down the hill outside when I bumped it with the lady's cart (she was driving up to the store to get her groceries loaded). My manager was sputtering, and then she yelled out the door, "GET THAT CART!!!" But it was too late, the cart hit the car, and the lady was none too happy. I went back in the store, and the managers teased me the rest of the day about hitting cars with carts. We also celebrated someone's 30th birthday today and created a gift basket of "senior citizen" items: wrinkle cream, laxatives, prunes, denture cream, fiber cereal...It was a lot of fun.

    I wish I knew how to transfer that "me" into "me all the time." I know there will be other jobs and other opportunities, but these people that I work with are so unique, and I know there's not other people like them. Everything is just so casual there - even mistakes. I like that. It's a tight-knit group that can take a joke (or many jokes - there's frequent practical jokes going on - I start a lot of them haha) but also get work completed. They're good people, just a little odd.

    I do also agree that I think to find out the whys of my distress. I like to think it through and try to get help for it if I can. I don't do the whole "suck it up" well because every time someone tells me that, I feel worse because I can't just suck it up. I also don't believe that lots of things in life are unpleasant, as stated earlier. You find a way to make them pleasant. Or they have reason. When everything is unpleasant, I don't think that's normal.

    Hoiski: My condolences to you for suffering through such traumatic times. I feel that abuse is one of the worst things a person can go through, so kudos to you for making it through and finding a way to move past it! I'm glad you had a brilliant therapist - I think that makes all the difference sometimes. I wanted to ask: When you say dissociation, do you mean like Dissociative Identity Disorder or a different type of dissociation? I've heard that is something very challenging to overcome. You should be proud!

    I also know shoving emotions down and not confronting them can be worse than having them. I have been told that emotions do love themselves, but if you never allow yourself to identify them, they just well up inside of you, making everything worse.

    DancingArabian: That is a wonderful technique! It makes such perfect sense, but yet I have never thought of it that way. Every time I think someone is judging me, I am going to try to replace that niggling thought I have about me screwing up with the one you came up with. You're smart! Thank you! Oh, and yes, tweaking meds does take forever. I am not a patient person normally, but what other choice do I have?

    Byklem: I wholeheartedly agree with that. When I got kicked in the face this summer (for the last two summers, I've always been injured twice to some scary degree!), EVERYONE was so super concerned and worried. I went into work the day it happened and got told that I was crazy for coming in when I was hurt. For the record, I just had 6 stitches in the chin and a sore jaw, nothing major, but scary. Everyone was so awed by my supposed dedication and bravery, same when I busted my lip falling off my horse earlier in the summer - that looks like it hurts! When I got my finger slammed in the safe a year before, I actually got sent home, and almost to the hospital (just a badly, badly bruised ring finger). I went to the ER when my horse jumped into my calf causing a hematoma, just to make sure there were no blood clots. I missed work once for that because I couldn't walk the next day.

    But depression and anxiety? You're weak, suck it up, there's something wrong with you, you aren't normal. Let me ditch you while I go support my friend with a twisted ankle because they're obviously in pain and need help, while you're just wallowing. I don't understand you, you aren't fun anymore, you've changed. <---- That's what I feel my friends think about me right now. I wish I had their support, I really do, because I had their backs when they were experiencing trouble. My one friend had a depressive spell and went suicidal. We weren't on the best terms at the time, but I stayed up talking to her over the phone that night, telling her that I cared and wanted to listen, telling her all the good qualities she had and why she should keep going. I gave her ideas and options, told her that she didn't deserve the way her mom treated her (and she didn't), and made sure to help her out and check up on her. But now, I don't really get the same warmth. She doesn't ask, and I don't tell because I'm not sure I should. She's short with me and tends to point out most of my negative flaws (talking too loud, being a little dippy at times [my words], bad driving, etc.). We're fine when I'm not depressed. And the other friend I used to work with. She was so shy and a lot of the girls talked behind her back, called her dumb, made fun of her. At first, I admit I did too to an extent, but after a while, I started talking to her and became her friend, despite her awkward overture right away when I didn't know her, begging me to take her horseback riding. I included her in on jokes within the store, gave her advice when she asked, made her laugh. Now she's off to college in another school, and she doesn't understand my problems and talks to me less and less. I'm glad she's come out of her bubble, but I'm afraid she doesn't have my back in quite the same way.

    Alas, I know somewhere that once you hit rock bottom, you can't go down any farther, so the only place to go is up. With the holidays, I hope to feel a little bit more cheery and to start the new year on the right foot with the right ideas forward.
         
        11-27-2013, 10:26 PM
      #37
    Yearling
    Sorry for the double post here, but I found a Facebook status that just hits home and is so very true:

    Fake friends are like shadows. They're always near you at your brightest moments, but they're nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.

    True and especially poetic! Just a lovely post!
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
         
        11-28-2013, 01:29 AM
      #38
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Corazon Lock    
    Hmm, these are all interesting thoughts, and many to consider!

    Sky: I wish you the best of luck in working things out with your Lovely Man and new living arrangements, and as I said previously on your thread, doing what you are doing is very admirable. I was thinking that you could still keep in touch with him via Skype, email, Facebook, or even letters. I know it isn't the same as seeing him, and it's pretty difficult to have a relationship over the phone and Internet, but perhaps something will happen. I guess you never know!

    You're correct, I feel pretty invincible at the store. It feels safe, the people make me laugh all the time, and I love that I am basically the "top gun" there. I get the hours I want, the raises I want (well, to a point), and the jobs I want. Even when I err, it's not a big deal. Today was so hectic and I managed to ram a cart into a lady's vehicle by accident when it started rolling down the hill outside when I bumped it with the lady's cart (she was driving up to the store to get her groceries loaded). My manager was sputtering, and then she yelled out the door, "GET THAT CART!!!" But it was too late, the cart hit the car, and the lady was none too happy. I went back in the store, and the managers teased me the rest of the day about hitting cars with carts. We also celebrated someone's 30th birthday today and created a gift basket of "senior citizen" items: wrinkle cream, laxatives, prunes, denture cream, fiber cereal...It was a lot of fun.

    I wish I knew how to transfer that "me" into "me all the time." I know there will be other jobs and other opportunities, but these people that I work with are so unique, and I know there's not other people like them. Everything is just so casual there - even mistakes. I like that. It's a tight-knit group that can take a joke (or many jokes - there's frequent practical jokes going on - I start a lot of them haha) but also get work completed. They're good people, just a little odd.

    I do also agree that I think to find out the whys of my distress. I like to think it through and try to get help for it if I can. I don't do the whole "suck it up" well because every time someone tells me that, I feel worse because I can't just suck it up. I also don't believe that lots of things in life are unpleasant, as stated earlier. You find a way to make them pleasant. Or they have reason. When everything is unpleasant, I don't think that's normal.


    With the holidays, I hope to feel a little bit more cheery and to start the new year on the right foot with the right ideas forward.
    I'm glad that you realize why you feel the way you do at work. I know for a fact that there are so many interesting quirky awesome people out there, they aren't just in that store my dear! Though it is tough to let go of something great in your life, for fear you won't ever find it again. But you will.. the best thing is to find a way to let those things go so that you have room for new ones. Letting go doesn't mean ignoring or de-friending the people you've met, or forgetting the experiences you had. Definitely hang onto those, but it's more about accepting that change happens, or needs to happen (depending) and feeling at peace with that.

    It's extremely hard to do.

    Thanks for all the lovely ideas :) It's all his decision, though. He knows how I feel about him.. and he also knows that it's up to him if this continues or not. I'll support him regardless because that's what friends do, and he is a dear dear friend of mine. Not a friend in the 'friend-zoned' sense why does that phrase exist anyway.. lol.
         
        11-28-2013, 02:05 AM
      #39
    Foal
    Corazon, thank you for your kind words. I've come a long way and still have a ways to go. Dissociative Identity Disorder is on the extreme end of the spectrum. Mine was not that severe. But there are a lot of blanks in my memory, particularly the years when I was being abused. You are very sweet to respond to everyone's posts. This thread has been a good discussion. It's nice to hear about other people's experiences and know you're not alone. It's unfortunate that depression and anxiety aren't really acknkowledged as they should be in our society, but I think it's better than it used to be. And the more we share our experiences, the better it will get. That goes for abuse as well--the more you hide it, the more it thrives. Thank you all for sharing your comments and experiences. It's good to see people offering so much support to those who are struggling. You're all amazing.
    Posted via Mobile Device
         
        11-28-2013, 02:36 AM
      #40
    Weanling
    I agree it has been a really good discussion. Lots of good suggestions.
         

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